


Pain In My Asana

by calliopemoonbeam



Category: Outlander, Outlander & Related Fandoms, Outlander (TV), Outlander Series - Diana Gabaldon
Genre: Awkward Jaime, Claire and Jaime do yoga, F/M, Jaime as a yoga teacher, Modern AU, Outlander - Freeform, Outlander Yoga Fic, Surgeon Claire, Yoga, Yoga Instructor Jaime Fraser, outlander fanfic, outlander fanfiction, outlander fic, outlander modern au, some nsfw, yoga fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-09
Updated: 2019-02-07
Packaged: 2019-09-12 04:57:54
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 51,429
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16866571
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/calliopemoonbeam/pseuds/calliopemoonbeam
Summary: Summary - Jaime is a yoga teacher, Claire is his student. Jaime has his awkward pants on and continues to put his foot in his mouth around Claire. Claire avoids Jaime…for a while.----------------------------------------





	1. Part I

**Author's Note:**

> This was originally intended as a one shot. So you can read the first chapter like that if you want. Readers requested more, so I continued. Still in progress :)

Claire’s frizzy curls popped out of her hair band one by one as she inhaled to upward facing dog. For the love of god will they never stay put she growled in her head trying to keep her peace and pace of breath. Exhaling back to downward facing dog, her hair band fell to the mat and her massive sea of brown waves spilled onto her mat. She shook her head to admonish herself but also fling her hair away from her face. Dropping to her knees, she scrambled for her hair band and tried to readjust when she heard the teachers voice coming from the back of her mat. She hated the way she could never tell where the teacher was in the room. He was like a sure footed, silent ninja warrior.

Pushing herself back up to downdog, she looked through her legs to see if he was still there, see if he was staring at her pissed that she was out of the pose. He wasn’t. Today was one of those days that the yoga wasn’t going to help. She was a disaster. Her thoughts wouldn’t stop racing, she could barely control her breath and mostly she just wanted to cry on the mat in the fetal position.

Geillis was going to pay for making her come to class today. She looked under her arm over at her friend who seemed to be shaking her arse at the teacher, no surely not. Although, it was Geillis, so it’s not like it was out of the question that she was trying to get the male teacher’s attention.

Claire managed to make it through the rest of the class, nearly diving into the mat when Jaime said it was time for savasana (final relaxation). She just about became a part of the mat. Geillis had to nudge her to get her to sit up as the final words of the class were spoken.

“Claire, can I see you a minute?” Jaime called over to her as she headed for the door.

Christ, now I’m in trouble with the teacher she thought. She hated getting in trouble and was always extra well behaved in medical school as a result. There was nothing worse than getting in trouble in yoga class. Claire sheepishly walked over to long and lean Jaime standing at the front of the room talking to a few of the other students who had gathered around, all women of course.

Claire always made an effort to leave every class quickly. She hated how the women in the class fawned over Jaime and she wasn’t quite sure why. It just seemed…distasteful somehow. Geillis who had been attending the class much longer than Claire had given her all the gossip on Jaime. “He never dates students. He is very strict about it. I don’t even know why these women try.” She had said matter of fact.

Crisp blue eyes boring into her, arms folded across his chest, he signed deeply.

“Claire is everything alright with ye lass, ye seem…extra frustrated today.”

“Ah, ya, I’m fine. Tough week at the hospital. The yoga doesn’t seem to be working today.”

“Hmm, not sure what ye mean by working. How is the yoga supposed to be working?”

“Oh you know, helping me de-stress, be more zen, you know, all that crap.”

He gave her a disapproving look.

“Lass, ye’ve been coming to this class long enough to ken that’s no how it works. It’s not a magic bullet, its cumulative. Just being here is the practice. Just breathing is the practice. Being with yourself is the practice. Have ye actually been listening in class?”

“I mean I hear some of what you say, but it all sounds so woo woo-y and out there, I’m just here to try to calm down, I don’t care about the spiritual stuff.”

He closed his eyes, took his breath in through his nose and let out the deepest yogic exhalation she had ever heard. In her mind it turned into a groan and for the first time since she started the class, she was attracted to him.

“Claire, I think ye need to try some of the other teachers here. My class is not right for ye. Ye don’t want to be here, and it is distracting for me.”

“WOT?! Are you kicking me out of your class?”

“I wouldn’t put it like that. I think both of us would be better served if you were not in this class.”

“You goddamn bloody bastard!” She yelled at him and stormed out without looking back.

As if her day, week, year, hadn’t been bad enough, now she got rejected at yoga class? It was all too much.

The looks on the other students faces as she stormed out put her over the edge. Whisky. She needed whisky.

Geillis chased after her, knowing exactly where she was going. Their favorite pub was just around the corner and she knew by the time she got there Claire would be on a stool asking for a second glass.

Mat carelessly flung on the dirty pub floor, hair wild, head in her hands, she tried to stop shaking. She wasn’t sure if it was the yoga shakes or just the unbridled anger that had floated up in her. Thankful for small favors, she was off tomorrow and she planned on spending the rest of the night trying to get to the bottom of that bottle.

Geillis sidled up to the bar, sat on the stool next to her and crossed her arms with a humpf.

“What was that all about?”

“Fuck this day, Geillis. Fuck Jaime. Fuck yoga. Fuck everything except this whisky.”

“Is there something ye need to tell me Claire? Have ye finally worn that fox down, was that a lovers quarrel?”

“God no. What in the hell makes you think that?”

A sly grin slid across the ginger’s mouth.

“The way he looked so dejected when ye stormed out. The way he looked like he was going to run after you, but held himself back and had to do a few postures to settle himself.”

“He kicked me out of class Geillis.”

“What?! Is that a thing teachers can do?”

“Well he did it.”

“I’m sorry Claire, that is so unusual, he always seems like the nicest guy.”

“He said it would be better for both of us if I didn’t attend his class anymore.”

“Ok, so he didn’t kick you out, exactly. He’s such a good teacher, why would it be better for him if you aren’t in class?”

Claire shrugged and called for another drink.

Taking down another drink each. Geillis dragged her friend out of the pub and brought her home. The three blocks walk to the flat was all the fresh air Claire needed to let her tears free. She was sharing a lease with Geillis while her divorce was finalized, which had happened just two days ago. Her marriage had been over for years, but the finality of the divorce, hell the whole divorce and marriage didn’t make her feel like any less of a failure, even though she had wanted to end it.

Claire had experienced an early loss pregnancy three years before. They had been elated to be pregnant after two years of trying to conceive but it was short lived as the loss came at the 10 week mark. As Claire grieved, her husband found comfort elsewhere. She knew and she realized she didn’t care. That he would abandon her so fully while she was in the throws of devastation was the end for Claire. A year later, when he suggested they try again, she was noncommittal. While he was off in the arms of another woman, Claire came to the conclusion that she didn’t want a child with this man. It made her feel even worse, like maybe the child had known. Her guilt consumed her. She had wanted the child, she had loved the child. But with the reality that the child would not be joining them in the living, she eventually entered into the honest reality that she did not want to try to have another child with this man, hell she didn’t even know if she wanted to stay married to him.

It took another year for her to move out, and another year for the divorce to go through. He pretended to care, while never stopping his affair. His lover moved in a month after Claire moved out.

Geillis had suggested yoga as a healing practice for Claire after the loss. She started in restorative yoga, weeping every time there was a focus on the pelvis and second chakra. The grief surfaced every class and she didn’t want to keep disrupting the class so she moved onto a more vigorous practice. She eventually joined Geillis in a pretty open moderate class that could be modified to be more gentle or vigorous, Jaime’s class.

For the most part she had been an exemplary student, which is why it was so perplexing that he asked her to take a different class. Not only that but they lived in the same neighborhood. Now she had to run into him all over the place like she always did with this hanging over her. She dreaded going to the grocery store.

——————————————-

Several weeks later, Geillis was exiting her usual yoga class when Jaime took her aside.

“Is Claire alright?”

“Yer joking right?”

“Nay.”

“Ye asked her not to come to yer class when it was just about the only thing holding her up and ye have the nerve to ask after her?”

“I…uh…I didn’t mean to offend her. Ye ken, I just thought I was doing what was best for her.”

“Ye don’t even know her. The bollocks on ye.”

Snaking his hand around the back of his neck, looking at the floor, body slightly slumped, he turned back to her.

“Ye’re right. I dinna know her. I shouldna have presumed. I ken now that I was just doing what was best for me, because I WANT to know her.”

“Well, laddie, that is not the way to handle it and what about yer rule? It’s not the time. I’ll no help ye. Claire has been through enough and plus, love makes her hate the world. It’s been a very rough year for her.” 

“How can love make someone hate the world? Honest, I thought I would have run into her by now, I wouldna have needed yer help if I had, but I’ve no run into her in weeks,” he said his voice dripping with angst.

“When you’ve had her run of it, and no good has come of it, it’s easy to see why, but i’ll no tell ye more. All I’ll tell you is that she’s been on night shifts, but that’s it. I don’t want ye messin wit her.”

“I’ll no promise anything if I should run into her organically.”

Geillis shrugged, eyed him suspiciously and left. She had continued to attend class with him but harbored a disdain for what he had done to Claire.

———————————-

Fresh off a night shift, Claire sleepily walked around Tesco. She knew better than to shop after night shifts, it was almost as bad as jet lag shopping but she had no food. Geillis had gone on holiday with her boyfriend and she had long cleaned out all the food Geillis had left behind. Eyes barely open she turned the corner with her cart and heard a slam and a long “shittttttttttte.”

The sound startled her to awareness as she raised her gaze to see steely blue and wet, red dancing curls. Just her luck. She knew she had been avoiding the shop for a reason.

“Claire, finally” he smiled, creases showing at the sides of his mouth and eyes, as the smile took over his whole face.

“Jaime. I’m sorry, I might have nodded off for a minute…night shifts…are you injured.”

“Nay, but I am happy to have run into you. I have a mind to apologize to ye…and ye stormed out before we could finish our conversation…”

“It was finished to me,” she said eyes wandering over his shoulder wondering how to make her escape. This is the last thing she wanted to be doing when she had been up for near 24 hours straight.

“Can I walk ye home?”

“Absolutely not.”

“Yer barely standing Sassenach.”

“What did you just call me?! Oh no, this is not how this goes. First you kick me out of your class and now you insult me? Who the fuck do you think you are? Goodbye Jaime.”

“Claire, wait, I didna mean it like that,” he yelled after her. Dejected again, he let her go. Why could he not get the words out right with her, he was a teacher for godsake, he thought. He dealt with all sorts of people and varying degrees of emotions, emotional outbursts and baggage, and he was good at it. He was a people person. His whole business had been built around being a people person and seeing the whole person. But with her, he always seemed to say the wrong thing. He felt like a bumbling idiot, bringing back the emotional wounds of his youth before he learned to be himself.

—————————————-

Claire fell face first onto her bed and didn’t move for 12 hours, but when she did it was time for a dram. The past few months had been a trial of her emotions, her wits and her body. Getting kicked out of yoga class affected her more than she realized it would. Without the fluid movements of her postures, she became stiff, especially after the long shifts and surgeries standing and using her hands and arms in repetitive motion. Emotionally she was still sorting out her divorce, guilt, questions about why she stayed so long and how she had made such a mistake without realizing it. All coupled with extremely challenging surgeries at work. She needed a holiday.

Cleaning herself up, she decided to take her dram down at her local. Rupert greeted her with the same big smile he always did regardless of what shape she was in when she walked in the door. “The usual Claire?”  
“Aye,” she joked back mustering a true smile.

Parking herself on a stool, she collected the glass Rupert slung down to her and brought it to her lips taking it all down in one gulp. The sleep had helped, the whisky covered what was remaining. Her mind meandered back to the shopping cart incident. She had reacted badly, that much she was sure of, but Jaime had also been rude and strange. She resolved to leave him a note at the studio the next time she was in looking for a new class, and that would be that. Slate cleared. She didn’t have to spend another thought on him or the bizarre kicking out of class episode.

Into her second cup, she heard Rupert yell, “Och, cousin, there ye are!” at the door. Claire could feel him before she saw him. Fuck even here. Could she not get out of his path? Staring into her cup, she ignored the tall figure walking up the bar, and leaning over to shake Rupert’s hand. As he leaned over the bar, he caught a glimpse of her, out of the corner of his eye. “Whisky Rupe and one for the lady,” he said.

She pretended to be lost in thought, and she was. She was trying to think of how to exit…again.

Jaime stepped over to her, carrying an extra whisky.

“Hi Claire.” He stated simply.

“Hi Jaime.” She said emotionless.

“Look, I’m sorry about this morning. I’m sorry about class. I’m sorry I’m a bumbling mess when I try to speak to ye.”

“Thank you.” She said as her brain caught up, what’s with that last part about she thought.

“Another?” He said placing his extra whisky in front of her?

“Sure, I have a condition though.”

“What’s that?” He asked, sitting on the stool beside her.

“Why’d you kick me out of class?”

“Well I didna kick ye out of class if ye recall. I simply made an informed professional suggestion, but I’ll follow…it’s because well, I have trouble teaching when ye are in class, ye are a distraction. No…wait…that came out wrong…” He stammered as he saw her face fall again in disbelief and anger.

“You better believe that came out wrong,” a deep scowl crunching up her face.

“Och…see…bumbling idiot…what I mean to say is…I like ye, I’ve been trying to find a way to talk to ye properly for the last 8 months. Ye ken I have a rule about students…but I’ve never had any trouble enforcing it with myself until now.”

“Sorry, wot?!”

“I ken I handled it poorly, trying to skirt my own rules, but it was the only thing I could think of. If you werena my student then I could see you socially, provided I could get some words out.”

Flummoxed, Claire’s mouth opened to speak but no sounds came out, so she reached for her whisky to try to cover for it. Gulping down what was left, she took a deep breath and tried again.

“How does your boss feel about that? Trying to go around the rules?”

“Ehm, I own the studio Claire, they’re my own rules, ye ken.”

“Oh.”

“But I set an example for all the other teachers, ‘tis why I am so strict with myself. It’s not a studio wide policy or anything like that, but I do frown upon student/teacher relationships but we are all adults and I hope it is respected but I am not naive. My old business partner, slept with half his class ye ken. It was a mess, he used the student/teacher relationship to his advantage which was wrong on so many levels. So once him and I split and he left the business, I wanted an image makeover for the place, and a few more rules. People come to yoga to heal, I dinna want them leaving more messed up than when they walked in.”

“I thought you were gay,” she blurted out.

“Och, no. I get that a lot, common misconception that male yoga teachers are mostly gay. But sexuality is a spectrum ye ken,” he said good naturedly.

“Yes, of course,” not believing she had said that to him out loud. She was embarrassed. Either the whisky or the tiredness taking over. A good time to make her exit.

“Another?” He asked hopefully.

“ I don’t think so. I need to get back to catch up on my sleep. It’s been a long few weeks. I’m sorry though, the way I treated you this morning, it was unkind and unfair. I shouldn’t have lashed out at you, either time.”

“Forgiven. Can I call ye? Can I take ye to dinner?”

“I’m not sure to be honest. I don’t know you and I’m not in the frame of mind to be making decisions.”

“That’s why I would call, so ye can get to know me, ye ken that’s how people get to know each other, by interacting.” He said teasingly.

Claire smiled, sort of. “Put your number in my phone and I’ll think about it.” 

——————————————-

Thanks for reading!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N - Yes, I’m a yoga teacher, no I have never done or experienced this. I have had student issues though and a difficult teaching experience is about learning, it’s part of the practice. I’ve never heard of other teachers doing this exactly either, but boundaries are a part of any teacher’s practice romantic or not. As has been reported through the years, fraternization, abuse and more is present in our community, just as it is in every community. PSA, you should never feel threatened or unsafe in a yoga class, discomfort can often arise but knowing the difference between that and safety is important. Honor yourself and your experience, and practice Ahimsa (non-harming).
> 
> All that said, it amused me think about a modern Claire and Jaime in this situation…that’s not very yogic ;)


	2. Part II

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Summary - Jaime is a yoga teacher, Claire is his student. Jaime has his awkward pants on and continues to put his foot in his mouth around Claire. Claire avoids Jaime…for a while.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N - Thank you to those who read the one shot and asked for more! Part III should be out this weekend.

** Pain In My Asana - Part II  **

Claire did think about calling Jaime…on her walk home from work, another night when she walking home from the pub, later when she was in the shower and again first thing when she woke up…several mornings in a row. But her past experiences and her general disdain for romantic swoopy doopy love, kept the number unrung and a text never sent.

 

After their run in at the pub, something she later found suspicious and cast an eye at Rupert, she realized she found Jaime’s shy, awkwardness endearing. It was the opposite of what she had seen in class, which perplexed her. The man she saw in class, was strong, confident, zen, sensitive and at home as a teacher. She wondered if it was all an act, the proper yoga facade that she had heard some teachers put on. She made a mental note to ask him about it. Blast, Rand…Beauchamp, are you really entertaining this she thought to herself.

 

Claire entertained reaching out to Jaime for all of a week before her life took over and she remembered that she hated the vulnerability of love. The inevitable insecurity that often crept up when she wasn’t looking was something she was interested in avoiding for the rest of her life. It made her feel powerless instead of powerful and there was nothing she despised more than a woman who gave her power up for a man. She’d done that and didn’t want to be that woman again. She resolved never to be her again. The pain was unbearable, plus she had only just rediscovered herself. She would not make herself small for anyone ever again.

 

A few months later Geillis took pity on the poor lad. Over the months since Claire had left class, every time she walked into class his eyes clapped to hers in a pleading “is she no wit ye” look, or it could have been a “help me for godsake” look, she wasn’t sure. He never verbalized anything but his face and eyes said it all.

 

Geillis decided to take action, even though she had claimed she would not help him. Those forlorn crisp blues, pleaded her into submission without knowing it. Always a bit devious, but in the best of ways, Geillis tried to convince Claire that night to go back to class.

 

“Claire, ye ken, if ye dinna call him and ye ignore him asking ye to not come to class, he will ken yer not interested.”

 

“Are you sure?”

 

“I love ye Claire, but you have been a right pain in the arse these last months without the yoga. You need it. There’s no other way to say it. Either ye find another class, or another studio or boxing or something, yer stress level cannot be left to its own devices.”

 

“I’m sorry, you’re probably right. Thank you for being such a good friend all this time Geillis. I don’t know how I would have survived without you.”

 

————————————————-

 

Over the months since he had last seen Claire, Jaime had grown desperate. He felt adrift, but kept a small flame of hope alive, all the while tossing out of all of his practices and letting himself fall down a rabbit hole. He lambasted himself for falling into all the emotional and personality traps. His normal adherence to the Yamas and Niyamas of Yoga (Restraints and Observances) went for a head first dive out the window. Ahimsa (non-violence in thought, action, word and deed) - check, he was vicious to himself in his brain and body, torturing his body with foods he never ate as punishment, he was snippy with everyone around him, and he had let a few management items at the studio bury him. Aparigraha (non-possessiveness, non-greediness, non-grasing, also often translated as non-attachment) - check, Claire obsessed every waking thought that passed through is mind. He was a man fully possessed and attached to the idea of dating her, getting to know her, taking walks with her, having her in his life forever, hell even marrying her. He was completely under her spell. Saucha (purity) - check, he was even daydreaming about her arse while teaching. His normal Svadhyaya (self-study) practices had been replaced by not being able to see outside himself to review his actions or the way he was acting in the world. It had fogged over completely with the haze of Claire.

 

He felt as though he was losing his mind. Jaime had been determined to let the decision rest with Claire which is why he didn’t press for her number that night, especially since he had already handled everything so poorly. He was aware it all needed a delicate hand, but he had also thought she would call.

 

——————————————————–

After Geillis and Claire’s little chat, they made a commitment to each other to attend their weekly class together again, get back on schedule. Geillis hoped that Claire would come around being in his presence again. She had a feeling that there was something there based on a passing comment Claire made once about the women who pooled around Jaime after class. She was sure she heard a hint of jealousy, but with Claire it was always hard to tell for sure.

 

Claire went for the back of the room as soon as she walked into the studio knowing he wouldn’t be able to walk behind her mat that way and she could be far away from him, or see him coming. The last thing she wanted was to be caught off guard by him. She thought she had been sneaky about entering but as she was rolling out her mat she felt eyes on her. Looking up, their eyes connected, she gave him a very nonchalant wave as people streamed in. His face was unreadable.

 

The class went by without event. Claire felt amazing after and floated out of the room. She couldn’t believe how much she had missed the physical practice. Stretching her limbs and getting that crinkled up sheet feeling of the muscles to smooth out was revelatory after the months of a grueling surgery schedule. She recommitted herself on the spot, even if she did end up having to go to a different teacher.

 

Claire was in such a state walking out of the studio that she forgot her jacket with her license in it. She didn’t even realize it, until Jaime was knocking at her door holding it the next night. Driving was never a priority to her and she walked most places in the city, so she didn’t miss the license.

 

Jaime stood silent, gazing over Claire when she flung open the door. Wild curls rested in a loose bun on top of her head, a red plaid robe hung off one of her shoulders and her tank top was more see through than was appropriate for opening the door, not to mention the toothbrush sticking out of her mouth. He swallowed hard, trying not to imagine ripping the robe off of her exposing more of her flesh. Her eyebrows hit her crown at the sight of him, she had clearly been expecting someone else.

 

“Uh…Claire…I’m sae sorry to interrupt…I can see it’s not a good time…but ye forgot yer jacket.”

 

Claire’s nipples began to stand on ceremony and she quickly wrapped herself in her robe as Jaime tried to keep focus on her eyes. Putting her hand up and giving him one finger to indicate “hang on a sec,” she dashed to the sink and Jaime heard her spit and wash out her mouth. She came back to the door slightly more arranged.

 

“Thank you Jaime. I hadn’t realized I had forgotten it. The class you taught last night was amazing, I floated all the way home.”

 

“Glad ye enjoyed it. I was surprised to see ye back in class…what with ye not calling and our last interactions,” he stammered out and looked at his toes.

 

“Truly I did think about it, but then life, and well I’m not in the space and I don’t know if I ever will be again. I thought by not calling and then coming to the class, it would be clear, but now, I can just say it outright. We can be friends, but I am not emotionally available for anything else. I don’t want to leave you with hope when there is none.”

 

His shoulders slunk, his gaze bore deeper into the floor and a deep sigh left his body, he mumbled something in a language she didn’t understand. Seeing his body change shape before her eyes, Claire felt like she had been punched in the gut, which left her confused for hours after he left.

 

“I understand Claire. I…I would be honored to be your friend,” he whispered.

 

“Friends.” She said as she stuck out her hand to him and he shook it, holding on for a little too long, eyes magnetized to each other.

 

“Thanks for the jacket,” she murmured while trying to remove her hand that seemed to be stuck to his in a glow of comforting warmth that she couldn’t describe.

 

————————————-

An expert level avoid-er of feelings and squishy things, Claire forgot all about the two flashing lights from their encounter that night, her stomach dropping and the feeling of his touch. True to her word, they did become friends. She continued to attend his class, weekly, as she had promised herself and Geillis she would do for her wellbeing and cortisol level, eventually adding in a second class when she could, for the stretch she told herself. Jaime would text her when he was down at the pub, inquiring after her day and if she needed a whisky. Rupert on occasion would join the two of them as they fell into an easy friendship. All of the awkwardness Jaime had displayed dissipated or was masked either by whisky or the guise of friendship taking the pressure off. They shared a love of whisky, the highlands, the islands, long meandering walks with no destination, reading, self improvement, healing, in depth conversations, sushi and the outdoors. Personality quirks snuck out after too much whisky on the regular. Jaime’s two tapping fingers when he was nervous or pensive and his inability to be on time. Claire’s secret love of rollerblading and her nibbling on her bottom lip when she was thinking too hard or studying. It didn’t take long for Geillis to start side-eyeing Claire for how much time she was spending with Jaime outside of class.

 

“Claire, watch yerself. Ye ken he was interested in ye and all these outings ye are taking sound an awful lot like dates.”

 

“Don’t be daft, they’re not. We’re just friends and friends have to get to know each other too.”

 

Geillis was unconvinced and worried for her friend, it seemed like Claire was trying to have it both ways and was going to end up hurt…again, no matter how walled off she had tried to make herself.

————————————

Jaime ran a yoga retreat every year to a place outside of Inverness called Anam Cara. The translation is “Soul Friend,” but it is deeper than that. It is a deep spiritual connection and true understanding of another person at their essential level that is not bound by time, space or separation. It can be meant as romantic or non-romantic love and connection. It is used both ways.

 

Jaime loved the property because of all of the open space, hiking trails, areas where you could go off in the silence alone and the unique buildings dotting the property. Gardens rested all over the land, growing fresh vegetables for the exquisite cook to rustle up vegetarian meals. The views were expansive and provided colorful birthings and deaths to each day as the sun rose and set.

 

Retreats were his chance each year to drop in with his students and do the deep work. The place he loved to dwell as an introvert, a layer deeper than everyone else. Surface was hard for him, he got awkward, shy and tongue tied at the surface level, he wanted to know the real stuff underneath. The stuff you can’t believe you are uttering out loud but is met with warmth, understanding and being seen.

 

Each year the retreat had a theme based on what he felt was needed and what he needed himself. This year the theme was self-love in the times of hardship; the world had felt extra harsh this year. Geillis, ever the Jaime devotee had convinced Claire to sign up too and before she knew it she was walking down a dirt path to a hut outside Inverness. It was all a little too woo for her but since she and Jaime had become friends, she had softened ever so slightly towards the woo but consistently let her medical brain lead her.

 

The retreat was just 15 people, the perfect size to get to know a few people but also have enough time for self reflection and study. Geillis had gone the previous year and this year she decided to up the anti and really challenge herself by doing the retreat as a silent practice. Silent the whole weekend. Claire supported her but didn’t think for a second she could do it. Geillis loved to talk, actually love might not be a strong enough word. Geillis wore a silent pin the whole weekend to let people know she was in silence. She wasn’t the only one, several others joined her. 

 

Claire’s intention was to take in the nature. She was constantly surrounded by the unnatural bleachy and anti-bacterial smell in the hospital, among the all too natural other human smells. She wanted to reconnect to the outdoors. Getting the map of the property, she gave it a glance and then tossed it on the bed of her shared room with Geillis. It was going to be strange to share a room with Geillis and not talk. Claire was sure that would be the hardest part of the day for Geillis, when they were back in their room heading to sleep.

 

Claire headed out without the map after the single glance and decided to roam without a plan for once. Her life was so precise, between schooling, and now actual surgeries, there was no room for error, ever. This weekend would be an opportunity to experience something completely different than her daily life, a true retreat.

 

They didn’t see Jaime until the welcome session in the yoga bungalow. He was dressed in head to toe white which made his striking features all the more so. His eyes had never been more blue and that red curly mop of his had never looked more like the red of sunrise. He wore a sandalwood mala with a red tassle that hit just below the deep opening of his tunic displaying his slightly glistening chest.

 

A few women and men in the group, clearly gaped at him, not hearing a word he said. They were not students of his studio but had come to the retreat based on the retreat center’s website. Jaime was obviously not what they expected. After the obvious initial attraction that first night, those students settled in and the awkwardness of the first night disappeared. As usual, Jaime taught a great class, but this wasn’t just any class, it was an initiation into the weekend. An initiation into a self-love practices. The topic is difficult to teach and to put into practice. We live in a world that is constantly trying to train us in the opposite. Selling us a bill of goods determined to devalue the self. You’ll be better when you have a nicer car, house, family, stuff, blah, blah, blah. You’ll be worthy when… You’ll be accepted when… and on and on, the insidious silent trickster of materialism that laces its venom into innate self worth.

 

Jaime, started off with a short lecture on the crippling internal control our psychological socialization has on us has humans who are designed with built in group think and tribal mentality that once helped us survive on the Serengeti. A vigorous asanas practice followed to open our physical body so that we could get deeper into each kosha (layer)…or so he said. Claire was just trying to keep up at that point. A glance over at Geillis told Claire that she was in a slightly better state than her, having experienced a retreat before.

 

The rest of the opening session worked with gratitude, wholeness, the inner landscape and eventually a long guided relaxation on self love. Claire left with the worst yoga brain she had ever experienced, fearful that she had forgotten all of her medical training during the 3 hour session. The lecture and the practice exposed Claire to a whole new side of Jaime. They had seen each other as friends a lot lately but this depth, this deeper layer of him was not on display during those outings. It unwittingly stirred something in Claire that she was deeply uncomfortable with once she realized it. And now she had to go back to her room with a silent roommate. The weekend might prove to be a bigger challenge for her than she thought.

 

Sleep did not appear easily for Claire that night. A new place, plus all of that energy moving from the first session had her system wired. Realizing that she need to get grounded, she grabbed her jacket and a blanket and went in search of a place outside to lay down and look at the stars. She knew she had to be as close to the earth as she could be.

 

There was a big open space in the middle of the property. All of the buildings, gardens and trails flowed off of the center patch of land, not unlike the center of a mandala. No one else seemed to be awake or around, so she plopped down right in the middle and spread out on her back. All of her limbs were wide, it was a nearly full moon but it hadn’t risen all of the way, the stars were still striking against the dark sky owing to the lack of light pollution. After a time her breaths became slower and she settled, taking in the grandeur of nature in the highlands on a rare clear night that was warm enough to be outside.

 

Claire’s energy regulated and her pulse settled until she saw a dim light coming towards her. Someone was out with a low light torch, obviously trying not to bother anyone in the cabins. She knew who it was before the light flashed on her blanket simply because it was in the direction the person was going. Jaime. Of course.

 

When the light caught the corner of the blanket, he stopped startled, because it was so out of place against the grass. The light moved slowly until it caught her bare foot. She heard his breath hitch before he said, “Hello, Sassenach.”

 

“You could tell it was me from my foot?”

 

He laughed as he came closer to stand by the edge of the blanket.

 

“I’m a yoga teacher, ye ken, I look at feet all day long, and besides, your pearl skin is unmistakable.”

 

Thankful for the dark, she was sure her cheeks were pink.

 

“Oh…What are you doing out so late? Don’t you have to rest up to teach?”

 

“I was restless, decided a grounding walk was in order. I can see I wasn’t the only one who needed some time outside. Can I join ye?”

 

“Of course,” she said as she motioned for him to sit even though he couldn’t see her arm.

 

He sat close but an arms length away, sure not to touch her. It seemed purposeful to her.

 

“What did ye think of the opening session,” he said staring up at the sky like he was more interested in it than her answer.

 

“Can I be honest?”

 

“Always.”

 

Excitedly she said, “It was a whole new side of you. You were in your element in a way I hadn’t seen you before. You’re a great teacher normally in class, but here you shine in a different way. It was an honor to be a part of. I’m curious why some of that depth hasn’t come up during one of our walks…wait that came out wrong. I mean to say, nevermind, I don’t know what I mean to say, only that that wasn’t an insult.”

 

“Thank ye Claire, that means a lot. There is so much more you can do in a “deep dive”, longer class or retreat, that ye can’t always do in a weekly group class. People are looking for different things at different venues. There is so much more than physical postures to yoga but not everyone wants to hear that or know about it. And well I think ye ken why I haven’t talked about such things when we’ve roamed the city.”

“I really don’t.”

 

Jaime took a breath and decided that it was ok to have secrets between them but not lies, so he told the truth but not the secret, that he was still interested even though she had been very clear with him.

 

“Ye seem to have an aversion to the “woo” or non linear part of yoga, so I kent it best to stay away from it. I feel our friendship started on a jagged wire edge and now we are barely dancing on thin ice. I didna want to lead ye down a path ye didna seem te wanna travel.” He said accent thickening slightly.

 

“I see. Well, in future Mr. Fraser, don’t hold back the beauty knowledge from me. I may not always be in agreement with the yogic things but I am always open to interesting discussions.”

 

“Aye, I will note that in the future,” he said with a smile in his words.

 

Their gaze turned to the heavens as the tether between them strengthened with each breath. They lay side by side in a comforting silence like it was the most normal thing in the world.

————————————————-

Saturday and Sunday went by in a flash. The rest of the retreat, just as opening as the first night. Claire felt rejuvenated, more educated about yoga as a whole, and like a doorway had just opened to her in a way she had not anticipated. Geillis by some miracle had made it through the whole weekend in silence. The ride home was LONG as a result. She recapped practically everything she had wanted to say to Claire the whole weekend. Not least of which was, “I saw the way he was looking at ye, has something happened?” “Of course not, we’re friends.” “Aye, aye, friends, I ken.” Claire swore she caught Geillis rolling her eyes as she said but she let it go.

 

Besides all the yogic takeaways from the weekend, Claire and Jaime’s friendship had shifted over the course of the weekend. How she couldn’t exactly say yet, but she found without trying that they move in the same…what is the woo woo name for it…the same field, the same energy. Whenever she was off on her own in a remote area, he somehow appeared and vice versa. There seemed to be symbiosis between them that was effortless. Her logical brain, said it was a small property and that it meant nothing, but her burgeoning openness from the weekend said something else completely. She pushed it down hard and slammed the door on it, keeping it well out of sight and heart. 

——————————————–

Thanks for reading!


	3. Part III

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Summary - Jaime is a yoga teacher, Claire is his student. Jaime has his awkward pants on and continues to put his foot in his mouth around Claire. Claire avoids Jaime…for a while.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N - Thank you to those who read the one shot and asked for more! Fun fact, the retreat center I mention is real :)

** Pain In My Asana - Part III  **

 

Jaime and Claire continued to go out on “non-dates” and became inseparable, or as inseparable as someone in the medical community can be with someone not in the same field. It was comfortable, joyous and fun. If she was honest with herself, which she wasn’t, she would say that she had never been that comfortable with a man in her life save her Uncle Lamb who raised her. Geillis continued to watch with a wary eye but didn’t press Claire, she had already made her thoughts known.

 

A few months later after a particularly horrendous shift at the hospital, she stopped into her local, still scrub clad, for a whisky. It had been a particularly hard few weeks at work, she hadn’t talked to anyone much including Geillis who she still lived with. All she wanted was whisky. Stepping in from the dark outside to the dimly lit space, her eyes went to find Rupert at the middle of the bar, who saw the state of her immediately and started pouring her a whisky, but Claire was froze in place. Her sweep of the room had allowed her to rest her eyes on her favorite red headed Scot in a passionate embrace on the left side of the bar with a brown haired curly wig. She almost turned around but Rupert had already seen her. She walked toward the bar intent on downing the drink and leaving.

 

Jaime, eyes closed had felt her walk across the room, and broke his embrace. Even here with another woman, Claire called to him without knowing it. This was going to be awkward, he thought. Steadying himself, he took the girl by the hand and called out, “Sassenach!”

 

Claire already had the glass to her lips, taking it down in one gulp. She paused composing herself before she turned.

 

“Hi Jaime” she said devoid of emotion, though she could feel herself burning up from the inside out, praying he wouldn’t notice.

 

“Claire this is Ann,” he said by way of introduction. Motioning to a woman who bore a striking similarity to herself which she noticed immediately. 

 

“Ohhhh, THE CLAIRE, it’s so wonderful to meet ye, I’ve heard so much about ye, Jaime talks about ye ALL the time! I’m Annag, it means Grace but everyone calls me Ann. Jaime tells me yer a Doctor. I’m healer too, but more of the spiritual side, reiki, and re-connective therapy. I’d love to hear about yer work.” She said rapidly barely taking a breath and without a hint of jealousy or malintent while shaking Claire’s hand profusely.

 

A scowl traced across Claire’s face as she took her hand back and folded her arms across her chest.

 

“Funny, Jaime hasn’t mentioned you at all, who are you exactly?” She snarled.

 

If Ann was taken aback, she didn’t show it, she simply smiled warmly, seeming not to register Claire’s tone.

 

Jaime however was another story and could feel the discomfort in his bones.

 

“Och well, I guess I’m Jaime’s girlfriend, we’ve been seeing each other a couple of months. I’m surprised he hasn’t mentioned it what with ye being so close friends and all.”

 

Claire looked as though she was going to run out. She couldn’t stop giving Ann side eye, and her body language said she was ready for a fight.

 

“Lass, can ye give us a minute,” Jaime said to Ann. “Of course,” she said placing a gentle kiss on his cheek and heading to the bar to collect another round.

 

“What the fuck Jaime?”

 

“What?! What’s wrong, did ye have a bad day? Why are ye being so rude?”

 

“You’ve had a girlfriend for months and you didn’t tell me?”

 

“Och well, she overstated a bit but yes I have been seeing her for about six weeks or so.”

 

“Why didn’t you tell me? I had to walk in here and see you making out with her to find out.”

 

“Why would it matter and plus, I didn’t know if we were that type of friends, where I could talk to ye about my love life.” He snapped back, mirroring Claire’s tone. He noticed he was getting agitated, she was clearly furious and they had never had a fight before, he couldn’t figure out what was going on, then it clicked, Claire was jealous. No she couldn’t be, they were just friends but it sure seemed like it.

 

“Wait, are ye jealous?” He said crossing his arms at his chest and quirking his head in question, a hint of an amused smirk starting in his features.

 

“Fuck you Jaime.” Claire yelled and stormed out.

 

As she did, she noticed Ann, watching with a curious look on her face. She ignored the woman who looked a little too much like her and nearly broke the door on the way out as she slammed it.

 

—————————————-

Later that night Geillis found her in a heap on the bathroom floor with a bottle of whisky next to her.

 

Ever the concerned and true friend, Geillis sat down next to her, lifted her head into her lap and began to gently stroke her hair.

 

“Claire, love, what’s wrong? Did ye lose a patient today?”

 

“No…” she mumbled and sobbed into her friend’s lap.

 

“Ok, ye ken ye can tell me anything right?”

 

Claire shook her head yes but didn’t utter any words, just continued to cry while a gentle shake took over her body from the emotion, and maybe the booze.

 

Beside them, Claire’s phone pinged and then pinged again with several notifications.

 

Geillis looked over to see Jaime’s name on the phone. Every notification for the last three hours was from him. Claire hadn’t opened a single one. Geillis sighed, realizing the reality of her worries had arrived.

 

“He has a girlfriend Geillis…and…and…she looks like me…and is a healer type, but not a Doctor, a healer type in his world….(sniff, sob)…I’m going to lose my friend.”

 

“I’m sorry love. I’m sorry your hurting. But I ken both ye and I ken yer not worried about losing yer friend, maybe it’s time te be honest with yerself Claire.”

 

Claire’s sobs deepened for several minutes, finally ending in a deep sigh and a hiccup as her body became exhausted.

 

“I know how this looks, but it’s not what you think.”

 

“Aye, it’s exactly what I think, ye canna deny it. Ye ken it well. The sooner yer honest with yerself Claire the better it will be…for the both of ye.”

 

They lay on the bathroom floor for another hour until Claire finally settled, composing herself, taking a swig of whisky, turning to her friend, in a barely audible whisper, she said “I think I love him.”

 

Geillis didn’t say I told you so, didn’t say finally, she didn’t say anything. She simply brought her friend in a for a bone crushing hug, and let her cry some more as she started to come to terms with the fact that she had fallen in love without meaning to, without wanting to and flat out resisting it with every cell and it had still happened. She was down the well again and she was terrified.

 

—————————————–

It took three days of Claire not answering his texts and calls before Jaime showed up at Claire’s door. He tried to give her space, tried to figure out what the hell had happened. The only time he had ever seen her that furious was when he “kicked her out of class,” but even that was different. She had exuded anger from her pores that day. The anger was present at the pub too but it was different, the edge on it was pure venomous jealousy, he was sure of it. Even though she had told him there was no hope, something he eventually came to believe over the months of their friendship, there was still the ember that flickered in the deepest part of his soul, that little itsy bitsy spark of hope that could become a raging flame with the slightest encouragement.

 

Claire was dead asleep after a night shift when she heard the pounding on her door. Whoever it was, and she had a feeling she knew who it was, could go straight to hell with the desire to get into her space. Her shift had been terrible and she desperately needed to sleep it off before heading back in again. She loved her work, but sometimes the test of the human will could only be rescued by sleep. The pounding never ceased so she was compelled to answer it if only to stop it so she could get to back to sleep.

 

“WOT?!” She yelled as she flung open the door so hard the doorknob banged the wall.

 

“Jesus, Claire, finally,” Jaime spit out exasperated.

 

“Yes, my name is Claire. I worked an horrendous shift last night and am desperately trying to get some sleep so I can go save people’s lives again tonight. Can I help you?”

 

“Och, I’m sae sorry, but you willna answer my calls or texts, I was starting to get really worried.”

 

“I am no concern of yours.”

 

“So that’s how yer going to play this?”

 

“I’m not playing anything, I’m trying to sleep so I can be good at my job and you are disturbing me.”

 

“Claire, we need to talk. Can I come in?”

 

Claire huffed, glared at him, her whole body on edge, but eventually she did let him pass with a “humph”

 

“Well, talk then.”

 

“Sassen…” Jaime started to say but was interrupted.

 

“Oh don’t you dare Sassenach me Jaime.”

 

“Claire. I don’t understand why ye are sae angry at me. Talk to me. Stop biting my hed off. We’re friends and I have to ken what is happening.”

 

Claire rolled her eyes at him but in truth she was holding back rage tears. She paced around the room trying to compose herself while he sat on the couch watching her, wondering how far to push her, not so secretly afraid to lose her forever. Their acquaintance had been volatile since day one and he was waiting for the final explosion, praying it would never come.

 

Claire didn’t say a word but kept pacing, her thoughts raced faster than she could compose sentences out loud. She knew she need to calm down. Whisky. Reaching for glass in the cabinet, it slipped from her grasp and crashed onto the floor. In a second Jaime was next to her, asking after her. Claire visibly shook, stepped around the glass with her bare feet where Jaime scooped her up into his arms and brought her to couch. He didn’t let go, even when she tried to get out of his grasp. He held her, tight, unflinching. She curled into his chest, grasped his t-shirt, balled it into her fist and wept, deep ugly sobs.

 

They didn’t speak. He supported her in that moment more than anyone had in her life, save Geillis. Words weren’t necessary. Touching, they both felt safe, safe to allow the deep opening and healing that was happening for Claire and by extension Jaime. He watched in awe, filled with a deep love for her. He wanted all of her, that had never changed, but this vulnerability, this new level of Claire she achieved in darkness, was exhilarating for him. He lived for the often uncomfortable depth that existed outside of the public eye, outside of the daily dos, don’ts and have tos and underneath what people think they are when they are being “themselves.” The moment of when people are stripped down to their true essence, under the personality, even if just for second. In the time he held her, he saw true Claire, pure soul Claire, and he knew there would never be anyone else for him. He had suspected before, but this, being with her, holding her, letting her break-through and break down, to be born again anew, it only added to his love for her and he never wanted to leave her side. He love her to her core.

 

They were interrupted by Geillis coming home at lunch having forgotten something. She opened the door, took one look at them on the couch, heard Claire and she muttered, “Christ.” Geillis tried to pry Claire out of Jaime’s arms but they both resisted, locked in place. Geillis motioned Jaime to stand and bring Claire to her room. He tried to lay her down but she tried to pull him down with her, not wanting to let go. He knelt next to the bed and held her hand. Her puffy red eyes looked up at him and said stay without uttering a word. He kissed her hand and said let’s talk tomorrow, ye have to work and so do I. Geillis crawled into the bed with her and cradled her. She reluctantly let Jaime go.

 

Claire thought she should have felt embarrassed, but she didn’t. She felt supported, loved and free. Free from the weight of losses she carried around on her shoulders throughout her life, and more recently in the last five years. She felt free of the burdens and for the first time in a long time, she felt hopeful as she readied herself for work that night. It was a little too yoga-y for her, but she knew she had been through something transformative and important that afternoon.

 

He had texted her throughout the afternoon, and then before his evening classes and after. They agreed to meet the next day (after she slept) to talk. Jaime invited her to his place for the first time. 

 

Jaime answered the door, red curls dangling wet from his recent shower, smelling like patchouli, man and a fresh snow. Claire tried not to smell him too deeply as they hugged in greeting. His flat was nothing like she had imagined. It was filled with books, minimally decorated but in a purposeful way and nothing overtly yoga-y or fitness related. He did have a small altar in his room, and meditation space, but she couldn’t see that on first glance. Floor to ceiling windows of the old building let in natural light giving the whole place a warmth that comforted her.

 

He poured her a freshly brewed oolong tea at a small table near the windows overlooking the shared garden out back. Each sat and sipped their tea tentatively whether from the temperature of the tea or their nerves neither could be sure.

 

“Are ye still angry with me?” Jaime blurted out, unable to take the suspense any longer, intoxicated by her looking like she belonged in his flat.

 

“A bit…ok, yes, a lot…but I feel more at ease today…”

 

“Can ye tell me why? Can ye tell me more?”

 

He knew the answer to the questions before he asked them but had to hear the words from her lips.

 

“It felt like a betrayal. We spend all this time together, I trust you, and you didn’t trust me with a big thing in your life. It hurt.”

 

“And?”

 

“And I was jealous and scared to lose you.”

 

“Lose me how?”

 

“You’re my friend, I love spending time with you and a girlfriend tends to change a male/female friendship in most cases.”

 

“You’d never lose me.”

 

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

 

“For the same reason. I was scared to lose you. I didn’t want to admit out loud that I had listened and given up hope. Telling ye made it real, that we really are just friends. But then how ye reacted, it lit hope in me again…”

 

Claire signed deeply before looking down into her tea, “I was jealous. I acted badly…but it was like a slap in the face…Jaime…you know she looks like me right?”

 

“What?!”

 

“Ann looks like me, we resemble each other.”

 

“Ye don’t.”

 

“We do…Are you telling me you didn’t notice?”

 

“I dinna see it.”

 

“Well then you are blind my friend. She looked and felt like a Claire replacement on multiple levels, and to see you kissing her…I almost lost my mind. No wait, not almost, I actually did.”

 

“Why would it even matter?” He was pushing her, dancing the edge of her comfort zone and he knew it, but he pressed on, his heart wouldn’t let him pass up this opportunity if it was going where he thought it was.

 

“You know why.”

 

“I don’t…tell me.”

 

“I had never seen you with a woman, or rather not one like that. My body combusted from the inside out. I wanted to be her in that moment. I was jealous because I wanted it to be me. Not that it matters now.”

 

Jaime smiled, relieved, and brushed a curl behind her ear from across the table. “Aye, it does matter…I’m still yours…I will always be yours.” He inched closer to her, licking his lips and staring at hers wondering if he had the courage.

 

“Jaime?”

 

“We broke up Claire. She watched what happened between us at the pub, the rage, the passion, the longing, the jealousy and she knew as well as I did that how I feel about you can never be matched, changed or replaced, so we came to a mutual agreed upon end. I thought I could move on, be just your friend, but in truth I always held that atom of hope that when you felt healed enough, or felt strong enough, or felt comfortable enough or whenever the time was right, that we would still come together.”

 

Claire’s breath hitched. She was still raw from the previous days but she felt the sincerity in his words and trusted him. Deeply trusted him. And wanted him. Loved him.

 

“Thank you for holding me yesterday…” she whispered.

 

“I’d hold ye for a thousand years if ye asked me to mo graidh.”

 

She reached for his hand and interlaced their fingers. “What’s that mean?”

 

“It means my love.”

 

“My love?”

 

“Yes…Claire…I love you.”

 

Tear wet corners of her eyes.

 

“I love you too Jaime,” she said closing the gap between them and connecting their lips for the first time.

——————————————-

Thanks for reading!


	4. Part IV

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Summary  
> Jaime is a yoga teacher, Claire is his student. Jaime has his awkward pants on and continues to put his foot in his mouth around Claire. Claire avoids Jaime…for a while.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N - I would advise not reading this in public, and that includes work!

** Pain In My Asana - Part IV  **

 

Claire’s entire body ignited as their lips met. Nothing in her limited experience compared to it, she had no reference point. It scared her half to death. She already felt so strongly about this being before her that she feared for her sanity, and now this physical connection, it was almost too much. A tiny tremble began at her heart and radiated out over her body.

Jaime, entranced by the feel of her lips on his, lost all sense of time and space. He had never experienced a first kiss with this depth, but then again, he had never loved anyone before. His entire body contracted in fear when she pulled away from him…maybe it wasn’t the same for her.

He let her speak first, a rule he had come to abide by when they were in times of intensity due to his propensity for putting his foot in his mouth with her.

“Jaime…,” Claire whispered, the tremble becoming visible in her body. He sighed audibly as her hands came to trace his jaw.

“…did you feel it too Jaime?”

“Yes, and I want to feel that forever with you.”

“I’m scared of the power of it…what it is between us…it isn’t usual is it? I don’t have much experience…,” she admitted a shade of pink creeping up her cheeks.

“No it isn’t usual. Don’t be scared, there’s two of us now.”

Claire moved closer and tentatively allowed their lips to meet again, curious if that spark was a one time event or one destined for a good burn. Skin to skin, her insides did a flying belly flop, only to be carried away on the wings of a flock of butterflies trying to free themselves from her body. It was immense, and took over her body.

Before she knew it she had climbed into his lap, straddling him, barely able to breathe from the ferocity of the kiss. His arms came around her, and snaked up and down her body, moving with an anxiousness to hold all of her at once while his tongue tried to make a permanent home a in her mouth. Pulling her in closer so that her legs wrapped around his hips, locking into place in the perfect position. Unconsciously she began to grind into him, a delicious whimper leaving his lips as she dragged her body along his hard length. Grabbing her head and pulling her by her hair gently back, his lips attached themselves to her exposed swan like neck. The sound that escaped her lips was enough to undo him but he held firm, enjoying the excruciating ache below his belt.

He pulled back, his normal yogic breath was no where to be found as he panted, ears pink, face flushed.

“Wot?”

“I…I…can’t believe I’m going to say this, but we need to stop.”

“You must be fucking joking. You’ve said some ridiculous things to me in our short acquaintance James Fraser, but that is top of the list,” she said as she went for his neck, eliciting a groan. He pushed her back…after a beat.

“I mean it Claire. We have already had so many ups and downs. I’m not looking for a fling. This is real between us and I want to give it the proper time to unfold naturally.”

“I’d say that is what is happening right now,” she said with a smirk as she rocked her hips into him.

“I am utterly in love with ye and I can’t wait to ken everything about ye, but I ken ye’ve been hurt badly and that doesn’t disappear. It can’t be glossed over with sex. There are things we need to talk about, be aware of before we embark on this.”

“Ugh, so freaking yogic. Fine.”

Claire reluctantly got up from his lap, returned to her chair. Part of her knew he was right, but she didn’t really want to admit how much emotional turmoil still existed in her system from Frank. She thought she was over it, but every interaction with Jaime had shown the traces of where he still lingered, where the pain points still existed.

“Now what?” she asked.

“Um, give me a minute,” he said trying to calm himself down, desperately trying not to hate himself for what he had just done, hoping that it hadn’t been a mistake. He closed his eyes for a few breaths, held jnana mudra for wisdom, connecting his index finger and thumb.

Claire couldn’t believe her eyes. Was he for real? She crossed her arms and pouted for a minute but that was overtaken by her absolute awe of him, just sitting there, eyes closed and breathing. His “give me a minute” seemed to be taking longer than a minute, so eventually Claire joined him, closing her own eyes. The first thing she saw was Frank. Her eyes shot open in distress. What the hell. Drawing her attention back to her breath she closed them again, freaking out a little inside. He reappeared, arms outstretched, palms open to her. In his hands sat a tiny dove. He brought his hands down and lifted them up, and let the dove fly away. Then there was nothing, the whole scene washed away. She felt the touch of a hand on hers as fingers searched to intertwine with hers. A thumb traced her cheek and she realized it was wet.

Opening her eyes, Jaime sat close to her, a deep curiosity covering his face. He didn’t say anything, just held her hand, and rested his head on her shoulder, drawing her in with his other arm. Neither had any idea how long they stayed there, but were startled when an alarm went off on Claire’s phone, beckoning her to get ready for her night shift.

Jaime, looked over at the time, and immediately separated from her and began scurrying around his place.  
“Shite, Claire, I have to go teach. I had no idea what time it was. Can we continue this tomorrow?” Throwing things in his bag, while Claire gathered her own. “After I sleep, yes.” She placed a soft kiss on his cheek as they left his flat. Interlacing his fingers with hers, he brought the back of her hand to his mouth and returned the soft kiss.

Parting, each went into their own work mode but neither was far from the other’s thoughts. Jaime couldn’t believe this was finally happening. All these months, the silent longing, the not so silent longing, the suppression of his feelings, all leading to this. He was elated and prayed she would be able to join him in the incredible space of love that was beginning between them. In truth it had been growing since the first time he laid eyes on her.

———————————————

Claire and Geillis went to Jaime’s class that week, even though Claire knew it was a risk. Even though they had spoken every day since their kiss, their schedules had prevented them from having time together. She knew they still had much to discuss between them and now that she had had her lips on his and his hands all over her body, she wasn’t sure how she would react to him in class. Claire knew that Jaime would either be excited to see her or uncomfortable/mad she came to class now that there was something brewing between them in earnest.

What she didn’t expect was no reaction at all from him. He was one hundred percent professional, exactly like he had been up until the day that he told her she should find another class. He adjusted several people in the class but passed her by. He seemed to be avoiding her. Claire found herself a little disappointed, and even thought about trying to get his attention, but then she caught herself. Christ, she thought, I’m becoming one of those women. She knew she was going to have to take another class if they started dated, which was fully her intention now.

At the end of class as she and Geillis collected their things, a petite, young, blond woman sauntered up to Jaime. She immediately began flirting with him. Her entire body language said I want you under me. She brushed his arm with her hand, and Claire felt him recoil even though she couldn’t see it. Where as it used to bother her because she thought the women were being silly, it now bothered her for a different reason, she knew how wonderful a person Jaime truly was now, beyond how he looked. These women all saw him as a piece of meat, a conquest, and it simultaneously boiled her blood and made her feel bad for Jaime. His looks could sometimes outweigh his message and talent for some people.

Claire and Geillis embraced their yoga brains and chatted, floating all the way home without a worry in the world. Claire was sure Geillis was going to ask what had happened the other day when she went to Jaime’s but she oddly hadn’t mentioned Jaime at all even though they had just left his class.

Walking into their flat, Claire’s phone pinged. It was Jaime.

Care for a walk around the neighborhood, lass?

Are you asking me out James Fraser?

No, I mean yes, well I will be, but this isn’t that…

Ummm, okay then

I’ll be at yerr place in 5, I’m on foot.

I’ll meet you on the street.

Claire’s yoga brain made her charged butterflies at the prospect of seeing him again so soon all the more present and noticeable. The layers of her normal ego, walls and blocks had suppressed that feeling in the past but not tonight. In the five minutes it took him to walk to her place, she fantasized about them holding hands, giggling, sharing their days and kissing up against a wall somewhere unable to help themselves. She admonished herself again, get ahold of yourself woman!

But when Jaime walked towards her, she could tell something was wrong. His whole energy seemed off. He looked a little defeated. He said hello but didn’t reach for her in any way. He motioned her forward and she fell in step beside him and they began to walk.

“Jaime, what’s wrong?”

“You tell me?”

“I’m not playing this game, out with it. We have to be able to talk to each other,” she said like she had had a normal interpersonal relationship in her life.

“First ye come to class, which was surprise enough to begin with, and then ye ignore me and leave without saying a word. I thought we had an understanding that there is something between us.”

“We do…I wasn’t ignoring you…I was trying to let you be professional, plus the blond brigade had you surrounded after class. I don’t need or want to be a part of the Jaime yoga harem.”

“That’s a terrible thing to say to me. Ye know I am not interested in them and ye know I don’t date students.”

Claire stopped, crossed her arms and shot him a look, “What about me?”

“Well, mo nighean donn, ye won’t be taking my class again if ye plan on seeing me outside of class ever again.”

“Is that so?”

“Aye, it’s bad enough you came tonight. I had to rework my whole plan on the spot so I could avoid getting too close to you.”

“So you WERE avoiding me in class. I knew it!”

“I had to…I don’t think you realize how strong your physical effect is on me. That’s all I need is to get aroused in a classroom full of mostly women. What a nightmare. Even smelling you at a distance is an issue for me. I spent the class locked in a turmoil with myself, dying to be in your space, giving you an adjustment, or just being near you and knowing I had to stay far away. I have no idea what is happening to me, this has never happ…”

Claire cut him off with her lips, pushing him into the alley like she had fantasized about and pushed him up against the wall. He wasn’t wrong. At the slightest touch of her lips, she could feel him grow against her, followed by a rush of wetness of her own. They devoured each other, hands furiously moving about each other’s bodies.

When they came up for air, Jaime grabbed her hand and said come and pulled her towards the building. Only then did Claire realize they were next to his flat. She had been so engrossed in the conversation and wanting him she hadn’t realized where the walk had taken them.

Barely able to open the door of the building, before she was back on him. Breathless, Jaime picked her up and carried her over his shoulder the three flights so they could actually get to his place without any further interruptions. Claire of course resisted, resulting in a loving swat on her arse.

Closing his flat door behind him. He turned to look at Claire with his back against the door. She realized he had stopped so she turned, eyed him curiously, noting the lustful look on his face and decided to go for it. She removed her socks and shoes, slowly started to unbutton her jacket, letting it fall at her feel. He watched stock still and mesmerized. She knew he was letting her lead, and it was welcome, it was part of her healing. Claire was still clad in her yoga layers. Her jumper and long sleeve joined the coat on the floor. Still he watched, taking it all in. Basking in the energy of the goddess Claire. Part of him couldn’t believe this was really happening, and the other part of him, completely unhidden by his own loose yoga pants didn’t care if he could believe it or not.

Went she was down to just her strappy yoga bra and leggings, he stepped away from the door and towards her. Standing just two feet from her, he brushed her loose hair back from her shoulders, letting his fingers run through the curls at the side of her head, just holding her head, letting their eyes meet. And there he stayed, staring into her eyes and her into his. Claire wasn’t sure what was happening but it became too much and she went to move for his lips but he stopped her.

“Look at me Claire, really look at me.”

Locked in a searing gaze, of true connection, everything else stopped. She had never stared into anyone’s eyes for that long before. It was almost otherworldly. She began to sense the vibration of his system, feel his emotional state and then without warning, tears escaped from her eyes.

Without moving his eyes from her, his hand moved to wipe away the tears, as his own fell, and she returned the favor.

“I want ye to see all of me, have all of me, even the not so good parts and I want the same for ye. I want to see all of ye, have all of ye, even the dark bits.”

“I will Jaime. I agree. You and me, all in.”

He smiled broadly, holding her gaze, dropping his hands to her bare shoulders, rubbing his thumb over their fronts and brushing up towards her pronounced regal collar bones.

“I agree too…but there’s something you should know…”

Claire blinked but held his gaze and he saw the worry in her eyes for a split second. She stayed composed however hard it was and he knew it was for his benefit and whatever he was going to say next.

“I havena ever been in love before…and I havena been with a woman in a very long time.”

Her eyes went wide, “Are you serious?” she said even though she knew he was, but it slipped out of her mouth anyways.

“Sorry I don’t know why I said that, it’s just that, well, I figured with Ann…I haven’t been with anyone since Frank…”

“…Ann and I never got to that point in our short acquaintance…Ye were right about her. Upon reflection, ye were right, she was just filler for where I wanted ye to be in my life.”

“Thank you for acknowledging that. It means a lot to know I wasn’t imagining it. I’m still sorry about how I acted that day.”

“Forgiven.”

“I am just astounded that you have been celibate for a time, you’re just so fucking hot, it doesn’t seem poss….”

He didn’t let her finish, launching for her mouth before she could get anymore words out. The searing kiss was only interrupted by his trousers pooling at his feet after Claire hooked her hands inside and coaxed them off his body. Pulling away, she said, “I want to look at you.”

Stripping his shirt off, he beckoned her to the bedroom realizing they were still in the living room. Standing face to face, they each lost their last layer. Jaime stepped back in awe.

“Christ yer beautiful. Yer a goddess Claire.”

Turning bright red she fought the urge to cover herself as he came towards her. He gently kissed her crown, then her third eye, the hollow of her throat, the space between her breasts - her energetic heart, then she realized he was kissing all of her charkas. Of course he was. Continuing with excruciating gentleness, he kissed her navel, her lower abdomen and her mound mirroring her root chakra.

Before his lips left her mound, his hands had come around her, grabbed her arse fullly, picked her up and put her on the bed, still in shock from the movement, she didn’t have time to recover before his mouth fully engulfed her clit and now dripping slit. Without so much as a breath, he devoured her. Claire was barely in control of her senses, writhing within seconds. The intensity of his mouth was unbelievable, not to mention the fact that Frank had never pleasured her in this way. He didn’t say a word, stayed fully in the moment as he locked his arm around her enough to still her bucking hips, so he could stay at the task at hand. Little good it did, she was wild in her movements, trying to get him closer and deeper, chasing her release. Sticking two fingers deep inside her, swirling his tongue over her bundle of nerves, letting his teeth graze her, lifting up to bite her mound and trace his tongue back to her soft flesh as he worked her with his fingers, letting his mouth envelope the rest of her fully, her body spasmed and shook with her powerful completion.

Coming back from the outer edges of the universe, her brain gooey and speechless, she tried to catch her breath. She slowly started to create unuttered thoughts - Holy fuck, I don’t even know what that was. Am I in my body? Am I still human? Who is this man? Can I have him forever? And that was just the first encounter. I might die of happiness. Is this for real? He needs to be inside me, now.

“Jaime…,” she whispered, unsure of the syllables of his name, “that was…I am…christ…I have no words.”  
He smiled, drew himself alongside her and kissed her with everything he had, his devotion, his love, his past grief, and all of his hope of their future.

Claire lay boneless, unable to feel her legs. Her speech was slowly returning as Jaime casually traced circles on her stomach and then looped up to her still alert nipples. Realizing that he was pulling her into her pleasure again, she stopped him, reached for his hardness, giving him a few good strokes and said, low and fierce. “I want you inside of me now.”

He smiled at her but then turned his back to her reaching for his bedside table. It didn’t occur to Claire what was happening until he returned with a condom.

“Jaime, I have an IUD. Have you been tested?”

He shook his head yes, eyes wide.

“Good, me too,” she said and took the condom form his hand and tossed it across the room. His mouth was agape but not for long, as she mauled him, rolling him over on his back, straddling him, rising up on her knees taking him in her hand for a few strokes before plunging him inside her as she sat back down. His groan was loud, and possibly the most erotic thing Claire had ever heard. Settling herself, adjusting to his girth, she closed her eyes for a breath, squeezed herself around him, and opened her eyes, to see Jaime releasing a single tear. She reached down to kiss the wetness on his cheek, enveloped his mouth with her own, then dragged her tongue down his neck to his hard nippes. Giving the left one a swipe with her tongue as her eyes glanced up to see him watching her. Their eyes met as she started to rock her hips.

Each were fully present, not thinking, just feeling and doing. Neither had ever felt so safe, so vulnerable and so seen. Claire rode him slowly for a time before reaching down to kiss him, taking his hands off her hips and pressing them above his head. Pulling back, she smirked at him and turned, taking him in reverse. How he didn’t come right then he would never know. Her arse was magnificent, and to see her move in that way, her whole back line, each muscle moving with purpose, the sole purpose of their mutual pleasure. He couldn’t take it. He sat up, his hands back on her hips, then rising up to fondle her breasts, she slammed down on him a few more times. An arm around her waist he lifted her up, placing her on her knees, he pulled back, almost out of her and re-entered fully and fiercely. She began to waver, she was close. Two more strokes of depth and she cried out shaking. He stilled to feel her contract around him, the absolute pleasure of it filling his whole body. Pushing into her again, she became weak and soft in the body, he knew they were both going to collapse, he was close, his body getting erratic and he came inside her just as she collapsed face first on the bed with him on top of her.

The only sound that could be heard was their still panting breaths, when Claire finally said, “Jaime, you’re crushing me.”

He sleepily rolled over onto his back, freeing her lungs to regulate her breath. She rolled onto her back, and stared at the ceiling, unable to to formulate enough coherent thought to put together what had just happened to them. Feeling marginally more human after a few minutes of silence, she looked over at Jaime, scooting closer to him to get warmer and realized the gorgeous beast of a man was dead asleep with a small smile on his face. 

———————————————————–

Thanks for reading!


	5. Part V

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Summary - Jaime is a yoga teacher, Claire is his student. Jaime has his awkward pants on and continues to put his foot in his mouth around Claire. Claire avoids Jaime…for a while. 
> 
> \---------------------------------------------
> 
> Part V - Jaime and Claire go out on their first date.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N - The end part got a little fresh, probably not for reading in public or work.

** Pain in My Asana - Part V **

“Sassenach, are ye watching me sleep?” 

 

“Erhm...no...yes...I couldn’t help it, you looked radiant.” 

 

An elated grin, spread across his face as he rolled towards her and brought his mouth to hers. Pulling back, he snuggled into her shoulder and brought her body in towards him, not realizing they were still facing the wrong way on the bed. 

 

“Jaime...I should go, I have to work in the morning. I’ll call an uber.” 

 

“Please Claire, stay. In this moment, I can’t bare the thought of waking up without ye.” 

 

“Flatterer.” 

 

“Mhhmm,” he said kissing her temple. 

 

\-------------------------------------------------------

Neither had ever slept so well with another person in their bed. The degree of comfort between them was almost unbelievable, effortless. They were both all in. 

Claire woke up very early in order to be able to get home and to work on time. She was surprised when she woke to an empty bed. She had not so secretly woken earlier than she needed to in case Jaime was as fond of sleepy morning sex as she was. Pulling on his hoodie which covered just enough of her, letting her legs be free, still naked underneath and she went looking for him. 

Without great surprise she found him in his practice space, sitting in mediation, shirtless, and pair of loose yoga pants sitting just below his navel. His shoulders and chest had thin sheen of sweat on them, letting her know he had already been through his asana practice to prepare him to sit in meditation. She watched him for a minute, silent, trying not to breathe or bother him, but it was no use, he could feel her. 

His back still to her, facing his altar, he let her know he knew she was there. 

“Good morning, mo neighan donn, come sit with me,” he said, motioning to his side without turning around, where she realized he had already set up a spot for her.” 

Moving slowly and quietly, she took her seat, and only then did he open his eyes and look at her. His normally crisp blue eyes, looked different, softer, more watery than they had before, and there was something else there too, vulnerability and kind, loving regard. It sucked all of the air out of her lungs ot see it. 

As she sat, his fingers intertwined with hers, eyes still on her. 

“Claire, last night was incredible. Thank you for honoring me with your presence and for staying. I haven’t slept like that since I was a child.” 

She wanted to jump on him, but it felt wrong in his sacred practice space, so she kissed his hand instead. 

“Me too Jaime. Everything about last night was a completely new experience for me, and I mean everything,” she said with a smirk. A light laugh left his throat. 

“I know you have to leave, but sit with me for a few minutes?” 

Claire shook her head in agreement, expecting him to let go of her hand, but he didn’t. Eyes closed, they both went inside. A natural breath arose in Claire, as did a phrase from seemingly nowhere, a mantra, something her higher self knew she needed. I am lovable. The phrase repeated over and and over in her mind without her trying. Emotion rose in her each time it filtered through her consciousness. Another subtle healing was taking place, allowing her the space to be freely loved and to love in return. It was spontaneous and utterly filled with light. 

A ding on Jaime’s phone, brought her back to her body, his meditation timer. Both opening their eyes, he leaned over and hugged her with his whole body. 

“Thank you for sharing this time with me, love. Can I take ye out on a proper date, the next night you have free?”

Warmth spread out over her whole body, “I’d love that Jaime. I’m free in two days time.” 

\--------------------------------------

Jaime had a hard time picking out a spot for a date. In reality, they had already done all the normal things he would do on a date, during their months of “non-dates.” He was torn between sitting in a dark booth at a comfortable pub, so he could simply talk to her, listen to her tell tales and be in her space and doing something big and extravagant. He wanted to do everything with her, but what he wanted to do most of all was the normal everyday things that make a life, brush their teeth together, go grocery shopping, make dinner, tease each other about cleaning and misplacing things, he wanted all of it, but most of all he wanted her. 

In the end, he decided not to go too nuts and save the big guns for later. Jaime also found himself supremely nervous so the best choice was somewhere he was comfortable, his favorite hole in the wall Italian restaurant. He knew the owners, the tables were few, the lighting was scarce and the food was stick to your bones fantastic. 

Knocking at her flat door, he tried to still his rapidly beating heart. Why was he so nervous? It felt like an eternity until Claire opened the door and in that time, he realized, he was so nervous because he wanted this to be his last first date. The prospect excited him but made him equally nervous because the animal part of him was waiting for the other shoe to drop given their previous fiery fights. But this was different, they had agreed to be all in, a fight would be a fight, a normal part of being a human in a relationship, not a catastrophic end to their acquaintance like the past. 

Claire had been battling her own nervous on the other side of the door as she willed herself to open it. Geillis had helped her pick out something to wear, which was a disaster at first. Managing her mane of curls had been even less successful than picking out something hot but not too hot to wear. In the end, she left her hair wild, and her skin clad in a tight black wrap dress and a pair of knee high boots. A dainty silver necklace with a teardrop ruby hung in the perfect place between her breasts at the V of the neck of the dress. 

Jaime’s face when she opened the door was worth every moment of scorn over modern day clothes and hair product she had fought with over the last two hours. His breath hitched as soon as he saw her. Frozen in time, he finally spoke. 

“Claire, a dhia, ye take my breath away.” 

Jaime stepped in to kiss her recently lipsticked mouth. A gentle hello kiss, rapidly turned into a fury of passion. Claire came to when she heard an exaggerated throat clearing from one Geillis Duncan. She was surprised to find herself pressed up against her open flat door. When they separated she looked over the Geillis who was wearing a maniacal smirk. Jaime didn’t take his eyes of Claire and tried to catch his breath, grateful for the longer coat he was wearing so Geillis couldn’t see how much he had enjoyed that kiss. Claire looked back at Jaime to see all of her newly applied lipstick all over his mouth, she giggled when she saw it. 

“What are ye gigglin about?” 

“Jaime, you, uh…,” she trailed off and motioned her hand around her own mouth to signify he had something on his. He immediately blushed. 

“Come on,” she said, dragging him into her flat to clean him up before they left. Stepping in, his eyes met Geillis and his normal egoless effervescence from class, was replaced by a shy, blushing kid. 

“Hiya, Jaime…” 

“Hey Geillis…” 

“Take care of my girl aye?” 

“Always.” 

Geillis who had been skeptical at first had secretly gotten on Team Jaime sometime around the time when he told her he wanted “to know” Claire. She hadn’t done anything about it at the time but since the retreat had been quietly coaxing him on telling him not to give up and that Claire would come around. She wasn’t thrilled to hear he had been dating someone but she knew it wasn’t real even if he didn’t at the time. Geillis had been the quiet matchmaker behind the scenes and she was proud of her handy work watching that kiss. 

 

\----------------------------------------------

 

Jaime and Claire had trouble making the 10 minute walk to the restaurant, they couldn’t keep their hands off each other, and had alternately each been pressed up against a wall by the time they arrived. When they sat, they had to immediately come back together, holding hands, her hand resting on his thigh. When their physical connection was severed because of the need to reach for something, each felt the loss accurately and rejoined as soon as they could. 

Claire loved the place, it was private, intimate, and seeing Jaime in candlelight did things to her. Before the appetizer arrived, she decided she had to address this physical thing that was between them. She was bursting. 

“Jaime, I am overwhelmed by the physical connection between us. I’ve never felt anything like it. When I’m not touching you it feels like a loss. I’m...I’m not usually so handsy with dates to be honest.” 

Jaime laughed, kissed her hand, “It’s the same for me...I didna think we would make it here. Half way through the walk I thought I would turn us back around and head back to your flat or mine and forget all together that we needed to eat. Your energy, your being, your skin...they belong next to mine. I’ve never felt anything like it before either.” 

Her breath hitched and she went for his mouth. She kept it passionate but chaste even though it was dark because otherwise, she knew there was a risk of her crawling under the table and dragging his pants to his ankles or pulling him into the tiny bathroom. 

He pulled back and looked at her like she was all he would ever want and need in the world. Her heart nearly imploded. 

“There’s something I need to tell ye,” his shy kid demeanor coming back through, as his hands clasped her shoulders and gave them a squeeze. Her gaze coaxed him on. 

“I’ve been married before too…” he said with a little hesitation, not sure how she would react.

Her eye quirked up in question and said, “But I thought you said you’ve never loved anyone before?” 

“Aye, well that is true...t’was a mistake from my youth, and I wanted you to know all of the good and the bad of me, the mistakes, the triumphs, my goals and dreams, all of it. As I want to know yours.” 

She kissed him again and said, “tell me more.”

“She was an exchange student in high school, pretty, French, nice enough, we dated a bit. It was pleasant but I didn’t really have much to compare it to. We both attended Edinburgh University and when we were 20, she needed to be able to stay in the country and it seemed logical since we had been dating for a few years to marry, so I married her. I knew I didn’t love her, or rather, I felt love should be more than what we had, but I was young and aimless, so it seemed like a good idea at the time.”

“And then you split?” 

“Marriage, you ken, people say, that ye really never ken someone until ye are married and live with them, well that was the case with her. Our marriage lasted about six months. Once the ring was on her finger, she became harsh towards me, I realized she had many lovers on the side, and most of all, I realized she didn’t like me as a person and I didn’t particularly like her either. We split, she went back to France, and she eventually married a billionaire shipping heir and designs expensive childrens shoes.” 

“Wow, Jaime, that is quite the story.” 

He chuckled and took a large pull of his wine. “Ye ken, it seems like it didn’t even happen, feels like another life lived by another person it was so long ago. I wasn’t even doing yoga then.” 

“Speaking of, I never thought to ask you until now, how did you find yoga?”

“Och well, not too long after the divorce. I found myself feeling like a failure. I hadn’t loved her so I figured the divorce would be easy, but it ended up being a very big deal for me emotionally. I thought I was someone who couldn’t love, I thought there was something wrong with me, I couldn’t understand how everyone else made it look so easy and here I was 21 years old and already divorced. It made me feel terrible about myself. I started drinking a lot. I stopped going to the gym. I was barely interested in my business classes. I started to skip class, lazing around the flat for days on end. I was in a bad state ye ken. But my roommate and dear friend, John finally intervened when I hadn’t showered for three days. He pushed me into the shower and dragged me to one of the University yoga classes. It may sound trite but within the first 10 minutes I was hooked. I can’t pinpoint what exactly hooked me that day but it felt right in my system. After that class I attended religiously almost every day. It helped me completely turn around my life and changed the trajectory of my life. Ye ken I was supposed to take over my family whisky business in the highlands after university but yoga was so powerful for me, that after graduation I went to India for a year, got trained as a teacher and came back and opened the studio. I knew I had to share the practice that had been so powerful for me with everyone I could.” 

“Wow, there is so much I don’t know about you. All those long walks we took, and I hope we will continue to take, we barely scratched the surface of each of us, but yet somehow still, I feel I’ve known you my whole life.” 

“I feel the same sassenach and I can’t wait to learn everything about ye.” 

\-------------------------------------

Two bottles of wine and full bellies later, they stumbled back to Claire’s clawing at each other the whole way. Jaime tried to leave her at the door with a good night kiss, it being the first date and all, but she wouldn’t let him and insisted he stay knowing Geillis was sleeping at her boyfriends place that night. 

The minute they got to bed, Claire realized how drunk she was and started spinning. It took all of 10 minutes for them to pass out from both the food and the wine. Claire woke in the morning, to a thankful day off and a raging hangover. A strong discomfort alerted her to her chest, where she found her bra was slung diagonal across her like a bow string. Next to her, partially dressed, she found a passed out Jaime. Her dress was on the floor, as was Jaime’s shirt. Jaime’s belt buckle was undone and his jeans partially unbuttoned but still very much on his body. They were both in a state of complete disarray. She would have laughed if she had not felt the bile rising in her. Running to the bathroom with the immediacy of it. Feeling slightly better at her body having rejected the contents of her stomach. Washing out her mouth and brushing her teeth, the mint of the toothpaste soothing her, she stood in the doorway watching him. She wanted to wake him, not knowing if he was teaching or not that morning. First things first though, the bra had to come off, then his jeans. She had them to his knees when he stirred, his eyes opening, looking directly at her and going wide as saucers. 

“Sassenach, what are ye doin?” He growled, still not fully awake. He then realized she was wearing no shirt and that her breasts were hanging free at his knees. He went from normal morning arousal to a full on raging hard on, which was hard for Claire to ignore considering how she was situated over his body and his thin boxer briefs hid nothing. She was in just the perfect angle to be able to do something about that and left his jeans where they were and went directly for him drawing down his boxer briefs, looking him directly in the eyes and licking him tip to shaft. He groaned an animalistic sound which encouraged Claire.  
“Claire, ye can’t I feel terrible…,” 

“This will make you feel better,” she said coming up for a breath to speak to him. 

Drawing her mouth back down over his entire length, and sucking back up, her hand came to cup and massage his balls and he lost all will to resist her. He relished in her enthusiastic vigor, alternately reaching for her curls and her shoulder and finally reaching for her entirely bring her to his mouth in a soul searing kiss. His hands dancing along the sides of her body until he got enough purchase to lift her up, pulling back, he said “Is this alright, will he have me?” She shook her head yes and placed her bee stung lips back on his as he kicked off his pants. Settling her right back on to him and pressing her hips down as he lifted his for maximum depth. Her involuntary shudder at the depth hardened him further. She didn’t stay on top for long, drawing him over on top of her. He paused lifting her hips and placing a pillow underneath them. Her leg came to rest over his shoulder. It took all of two thrusts for her to realize that Jaime had been very intentional with the pillow placement, he uncovered a space in her that was not known to her. Somehow able to slow himself, he drew back and pressed in so slowly she felt every inch of him until he reached a home inside of her meant only for him. He was holding himself back in order to methodically and miraculously give her more pleasure than she had ever felt in her life. Careening over the edge, the sound that came from her was not of her body, it was beyond a human sound. She blacked out for a few seconds, her body clenching around Jaime freeing him to his own end and letting himself go with an equally inhuman sound. 

“Well good morning, “ she laughed sweat, booze and sex oozing from her pores. 

“Good morning to you too,” Jaime said kissing her wet brow and then licking his lips taking in her sweat into his mouth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!
> 
> A/N - Fun fact, asana or the physical postures of yoga were originally developed to assist one in sitting in meditation for a long duration of time.


	6. Part VI

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Summary 
> 
> Jaime is a yoga teacher, Claire is his student. Jaime has his awkward pants on and continues to put his foot in his mouth around Claire. Claire avoids Jaime…for a while. 
> 
> (This started as a one shot, and the first chapter can still be read as such.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N - Warning, not for consumption in public ;)

##  **_Pain in My Asana - Part VI_ **

 

It didn’t take long for their lives to begin to meld together. Every ounce of free time they had was spent together. It was never enough and they had an almost rabid need to be near each other. It wasn’t just the sex, even though that was phenomenal, it was the overall connection. The deep longing to be in the presence of someone who sees you. There is no greater gift than that and in each other they had it in spades.

 

Claire did start taking another teacher’s class, Geillis joined her sometimes, but still took Jaime’s class religiously. Geillis was thrilled at how her matchmaking skills had worked out but more so was elated that her friend was happy and an empowered version of herself. She really was a whole new Claire in the best of ways.

 

After class one night, Geillis texted Claire at work.

 

_G: I ken there is nothing to worry about, but Jaime needs to watch his back. That blond has eyes for him in a way that is not healthy. The same one that bothered you a few months back before ye were officially together, Leery._

_C: I keep telling him he needs to be clear with his boundaries with her. She is all over the studio instagram like they are besties. It boils my blood._

 

In truth, they had run into the girl quite a few times in the last month and it did make Claire wonder. Jaime had brushed it off, reminding her that they used to run into each other all the time too and that it was a small neighborhood. Claire was unconvinced. Jaime, ever aware of everything, often was unable to see his effect on women. It was a blind spot for him. Whenever Claire mentioned it, he laughed it off and said I don’t see it. He wasn’t being falsely modest either, he really didn’t see it.

 

Jaime managed both the studio instagram account and also a personal one. He wasn’t overly showy or anything but it wasn’t long before their dates started showing up in the personal one and there was a LOT of crossover between the two accounts student wise, Leery for one. Claire realized that she had shown up at a few of their dates that he had put up on Instagram. Her stomach flipped as she put it all together, Jaime might have a stalker.

 

Claire and Jaime had a date that night and she decided run an experiment to try to convince Jaime that he had to change his posting ways. It wasn’t that she was jealous exactly, she had gotten used to the bevy of female students that constantly surrounded Jaime (ok, maybe she was a little jealous given her history with he who shall not be named), she was more worried about his well being, plus he was apt to always see the good, and believe that everyone meant the best in their heart. So did Claire most of the time, but she knew what Geillis meant with this woman, there was something dark and dangerous there. She hated to pass judgment on another woman like that but she could not deny her intuition and instinct.

 

Claire picked out a new spot for them to try across the city, a warehouse restaurant with varied seating and lots of art. It was new and out of the neighborhood so it was a good place to experiment with her theory. She told him to make a posting pre-date in real time, he shook his head at her suspicions but complied.

 

_A pre-date selfie of them reading - “Date night with my girl.”_

_A picture of “The Warehouse” when they arrived - “Dying to get inside and try out this new place.”_

_A picture of them inside at their round table, which was sunken showcasing a giant canvas covered in abstract painting inside the table. - “Five stars for @thewarehouse, look at this table!”_

 

Even though the pictures were essentially a trap, they weren’t out of the ordinary for when Jaime was excited about a date they were having or a new place they were trying.

 

Each plate that came out looked like its own carefully crafted masterpiece. They ate and chatted animatedly about their week, and about everything and nothing. An hour into their date, mid Jaime kissing Claire’s hand, she saw her. Red faced, sitting at the bar, scantily clad, casting a jealous eye at Claire not knowing she had been spotted.   

 

Not having seen her, Claire whispered that she was at the bar, Jaime, too enthralled with Claire’s skin, didn’t even look over, instead he continued his kiss from the back of her hand all the way up her exposed arm. When he reached the side of her neck, he allowed the kiss to transform into a deep sucking of her skin and Claire squirmed knowing they were in public, dark or not, it was a fact that he was clearly losing sight of. Releasing his lips from her neck he blew on her wet skin and traveled to her ear.

 

“Love, let’s get out of here.”

 

Claire had never collected her things so fast, already feeling the dampness of her desire under her dress. Jaime was all hands collecting their coats at the coat check. As they were walking out, Leery was walking in. Curious, thought Claire.

 

She barely looked at Claire and only had eyes for Jaime as she spoke.

 

“Leery, what are ye doin here?” Jaime asked, his tone measured but on a razor edge that only Claire could detect.

 

“Meeting some friends. It’s the hottest new place, and we’ve been dying to try it out. Seems like we had the same idea,” she intoned coyly, tilting her head to him.

 

Jaime’s body stiffened, “Och well have fun it’s unique and lovely, just like my Sassenach,” he said drawing her in closer to him. Claire watched as Leery’s whole demeanor changed. She could see the fire of jealousy rise all the way up her body until she got control of herself enough to say, “Yer a lucky woman Claire, have a good night,” and practically stormed off back into The Warehouse. 

 

\----------------------------------------------------

 

The uber ride back to Jaime’s had been oddly silent and he had kept his roaming hungry hands to himself, staring out the window, watching the city float by. Inside his flat, he poured them a whisky, seriousness lacing his tense face.

 

“Out with it Jaime.”

 

“Claire.” She shifted uncomfortably. The way he said her name, or if he used it at all, was always an indication of what was coming. His serious features, the use of her name, a bomb was coming and she knew it.

 

“Ye were right. She is following us, I’m sorry I doubted ye.”

 

“Not us love, you, I think she is stalking you.”

 

His body took on an energy she wasn’t familiar with even after all the time they had spent together. He was protecting something, had been closing something off that was about to be spoken into the world, into their world. He got up and started to walk around with his glass of whisky, head facing down, working his breath. Claire knew he was trying to ground himself. She took a sip of her own glass and waited patiently.

 

“I wasn’t willing to see this Leery thing, but tonight, ye were right. Her coming in when we were leaving after you had already seen her...it’s bad. I wasn’t willing to see it because...Claire...I’ve had a stalker before. I didn’t want to believe it could be happening again.”

 

Claire’s mouth dropped open, her gaze fixed on him. He looked at his feet for a few breaths before reconnecting with her gaze.

 

“Yer staring.”

 

“I know, I just…” she closed her mouth, stood, walked over to him and hugged his middle, fully embracing him. His breath hitched and his arms came around her kissing the top of her head. She could feel the buzz of his system, her body flush with his. The buzz turned into a visible silent shake. Taking his hand, she led him back to the couch and they sat face to face.

 

“Tell me,” she said her hands weaving through his and resting between them.

 

“T’was years ago now ye ken, it feels so far away, like another life. I try not to think about it,” she nodded, squeezed his hand, beckoning him to continue.

 

“I had a student who got “attached,” she was going through a hard time in her life, pressure from her wealthy and connected family to marry at a young age a man of their choosing. It seemed ludicrous to me that that would still happen in this day and age, so I took her under my wing, tried to counsel her, yogically. Sharing yogic philosophy that might help her think for herself and shake off the framework of her upbringing that was in such contrast to the modern world. But that is all it ever was, me trying to help her, but she saw it another way. She thought I was counseling and helping her because I wanted to be with her. It couldn’t have been farther from the truth.”

 

Claire’s breath got stuck in her throat but kept eye contact with him and their skin connected. She wasn’t exactly sure where this was going but her heart was beating at twice it’s normal rate and not for the reason it usually did when Jaime was near.

 

“She started showing up at the studio at times I wasn’t teaching but that she knew I would be there working. She showed up when I was out with friends, she even showed up at my house unannounced once. It became too much, she even threatened a woman I went out on a date with. I eventually had to take out a restraining order on her. I was embarrassed about that, but it was all I could do after months at my wits end and being honest and direct with her.”

 

“Christ, Jaime.”

 

“A week after the restraining order was in place, she showed up to the studio wild eyed and manic, creating a scene, threatening people, myself included, I had to call the police. They put her in a cell, assessed her mental health, and then got in touch with her influential family in England to come get her and get her the help she needed.”

 

Claire was speechless, trying to take in the wild story. She had a million questions but let Jaime continue at his own pace.

 

“I kept the restraining order in place after she went back to England. The police called six months later to let me know that she had died in a car accident on the serpentine roads of The Peak District. I later learned that she had indeed married the man her family had picked, but she had died in the car with her lover. It was a massive scandal all over the press in England.”

 

Claire stood up and got the whisky, refilling their glasses, and took hers down in one gulp, refilling it again. She had no words, had no idea where to begin. He saved her from trying, speaking next.

 

“So ye ken Claire, the rules I had about the studio and how strict I am aren’t just about my ex-business partner sleeping with students, they were also about Gen. I am always on my guard but I realize now, that my happiness with you put a blinder on with Leery. I am sae sorry I gave ye a hard time about it, not believing ye at first, I even thought ye were being silly and jealous.”

 

“Forgiven...I was maybe a little jealous deep down and maybe a little worried if I’m honest, given what “he” did to me, but  I know you’re not interested in her.”

 

“I’m not interested in anyone except ye Claire, ye have to ken that.”

 

“I do, I really do but you know sometimes my old patterns sneak up.”

 

“Aye, I do, as do mine, but we are only human,” he said reaching forward to kiss the tip of her nose.  

 

“What are you going to do about her?”

 

“Decide in the morning when we are both fresh and can brainstorm. Come, let’s go to bed.”

 

What Jaime really meant is sleep. The emotional unburdening he had been through, proved to outweigh any lust he had felt earlier in the night. Jaime fell asleep on Claire’s chest feeling safe, secure and loved, regardless of what may come, what they might have to do to tackle this latest hurdle.

 

\----------------------------------------------------

 

Waking and feeling closer than ever to Claire, sharing one of his biggest secrets the previous night, he had an insatiable need for her. The way she had handled the information, not freaking out, supporting him, made him hers again, deepening their connection. He didn’t know it was possible to go deeper but she and they were constantly testing the boundaries of what each thought possible.

 

Claire was asleep on her right side in the fetal position, curled in on herself, dead asleep. Scooting closer to her enveloping her into a spoon, his hands began to wander her body. He knew she loved a morning romp and he was dying for her, had woken up aching for her. As his fingertips grazed her nipples she began to stir. Dancing his fingers down her body, he cupped her gently, letting his fingers wedge between her legs. She shifted. He kissed the side of her neck, and whispered her name in her ear.

 

“I’m awake,” came the response, as she shifted her legs slightly open to allow him more access, “Just waiting to see how long you would wait to try to wake me up.”

 

He groaned and pressed his hardness, trapped between them, into her arse. She responded by pressing back on him. Keeping his head snuggled into her neck and shoulder, his tongue and teeth explored. Delicately biting her ear, he asked, “will you have me?” Still cupping her, fingers drumming against her opening, teasing her. Her body was certainly awake. “Yes, I’ll have you,” she said drawing her hand down to his encouraging him into her wetness. He thanked his genetics for his long arms, drawing down his right arm to her nipple giving it a good pinch. She squealed, and bucked her hips back into him, as her breath quickened. Re-positioning himself ever so slightly, her reached down and guided himself into her. She groaned and picked up the rhythm he set, moving back and forth, his left hand coming to rest on her pulsing bundle of nerves, making small circles. Claire now fully awake, was overcome by sensation without noticing the teeth biting into her shoulder. It didn’t take long for both of them to fall over the cliff one after the other, always in desperation to join closer together with each release.

 

Catching her breath, letting him fall out of her, she turned over and kissed him deep enough that he wondered if they could fit in a second time before she had to go to work, but she had other plans, disconnecting their lips, smiling and walking naked to the kitchen to make coffee and breakfast.

 

Joining her, Jaime threw her a tartan robe. “Cover yerself up love or ye’ll never get to work on time,” he said letting his eyes wander from her toes to the crown of her head, full knowing that the robe probably wouldn’t help him. She laughed, gave him a once over in navy blue yoga pants and sleeveless shirt. He had clearly gotten dressed on purpose to not only try to blunt a second encounter but also to prep for his morning yogic practices.

 

“Does it ever stop, the wanting ye? I find each time we are together, I only want ye more,” he said sitting at the kitchen island keeping a sharp eye on her.

 

Claire, shrugged her shoulders and said “I hope never.” Casually sneaking a look at the clock, she knew she didn’t have the time, but decided to leave them both wanting. “Accidentally” dropping her spoon, and bending over slow as snail to pick it up, she gave him a prolonged eyeful before sauntering around the island, allowing her robe be a little too loose. She stepped between his legs, and took his bottom lip playfully in her mouth before pulling back and kissing him just below his ear. She stepped away, walking back towards the bedroom presumably to shower before work. She glanced over her shoulder to make sure he was watching her, he was of course, he was always watching her. His eyes peered over his coffee cup connecting with hers just before she turned around and let her robe fall to the floor, her naked form walking into his bedroom.

 

He barely had enough sense to put his coffee mug on the counter before he ran after her. She had been unsure if he would take the bait, he never wanted to make her late for work, but she was glad when she heard his rushed footsteps. Claire had barely made it all the way into the bedroom before he had picked her up and threw her on the bed. Shimmying out of his yoga pants, he took her in one swift plunge. No preamble, no teasing, it was on. He took her like an animal was trying to free itself from his body. It was furious, sweaty, all encompassing, and fast. It was a whole new side of Jaime and it had Claire screaming. He completely lost himself, having an out of body experience and came hard, his whole body trembling.

 

Exhausted he rolled off of her, covered in sweat, a holy shite look on his face and immediately passed out. All those years, denying himself the pleasure of the company of a woman had left him like a horny teenager, but more than that, it was her. It would always be her.

 

Claire chuckled to herself, what a morning and shit she was late. She jumped in the shower, frantically getting ready for work. Just before running out the door, she scribbled a note to Jaime and left it on the bed next to him.

 

_Love, you are incredible. I have never been happier (nor so well fucked), I don’t know what I did to deserve you. See you tonight...we still need to talk about Leery._

 

_\-----------------------------------_

 

_Thanks for reading!_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N - This is not at all what I thought was going to happen in this chapter, but there it is. Story has a mind of its own. Yes, I spelled Leery's name that way on purpose to fit what her character is doing...leering at Jaime. Ya I said it, pun most definitely intended :)   
> Thanks for reading!


	7. Part VII

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Summary 
> 
> Jaime is a yoga teacher, Claire is his student. Jaime has his awkward pants on and continues to put his foot in his mouth around Claire. Claire avoids Jaime…for a while.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N - This chapter got out of control so I cut it into two. Part VIII should be out tomorrow afternoon before tumblr changes happen on Monday.

 

##  _**Pain In My Asana - Part VII** _

 

Jaime woke confused, sprawled naked on the bed from a dead sleep. Had it been a dream, the morning with Claire? Rolling over he saw Claire’s note and thanked everything he believed in that it hadn’t been a dream, noting with slow realization how sore he was. He took in Claire’s note with a shiver running over his body. She was right they did need to talk about Leery. **  
**

 

Loathing the prospect of having another stalker situation on his hands, he went into his practice space and sat for clarity. Settling into his meditation cushion, he brought the fingertips of each hand to touch each other, keeping the thumbs extended, chaturmukham mudra, for Santosha (contentment). The practice of Santosha helps one to accept even the most challenging times and events as a learning and blessing. Santosha at its most empowered level is the ability to know we are whole and complete regardless of the swings and swells of life’s external events. The challenges can disturb the surface but not affect the true being which is always whole and complete.

 

Jaime sat for half hour, did a vigorous, sweaty power yoga practice and then sat for another half hour. Overall he felt better and realized how this situation was different than before, he had Claire now. If things escalated with Leery, she might be in danger. Before it was only him and he could deal with that, he learned from that. He always made sure the keep his boundaries strong after the restraining order. He never got over involved in the lives of his students and kept a professional distance to prevent any further incidents. But somehow it was still happening again and he had to take action fast that much had clarified during his sit, if not for his own sake and the studio, then for Claire. She didn’t deserve to have the added stress of it on top of her job, a new relationship and the healing that was still progressing through her system.

 

The thing about Leery, Jaime thought was that she didn’t seem as dangerous as Gen. She seemed like an overzealous schoolgirl with a crush. He resolved throughout the day to write down any ideas to blunt the uncomfortable situation so he could discuss them with Claire when she got home. Oh Christ, he thought, home. He already thought of his flat as their home. It took all of one second after that thought for him to settle on asking her to move in. The only question was when. Their four month anniversary was coming up, that was perfect. His thoughts wandered to the idea of being able to share a home together, share every morning, all the mundane things he had always wanted to do with her. His mood shifted just to think of it.

 

Leery, right, Jaime said to himself bringing his distracted thoughts back to the task at hand. Claire consumed his thoughts without fail, no matter what was in front of him since the day she first walked into class with Geillis, this was no different. Claire he needed to text Claire.

 

_J: I woke up in a state, I thought this morning had been a dream until I saw yer note. Ye wee vixen, the things ye do to me. I’ll cook after my classes. See ye tonight._

 

_C: You looked too pretty to wake before I left. I’ll be there. (Kiss emoji)_

 

————————————————

 

Jaime’s back to back classes were sold out and packed wall to wall. It was always an encouraging feeling to have a full room to teach to. He taught what he had practiced that morning, Santosha. Tethering the theme to the postures, life off the mat, the closing meditation and savasana (final relaxation). Reinforcing his own practice by teaching it to others was a particularly powerful way for him to lock in (so to speak) the lessons he himself needed to learn and learn again.

 

Sporting a particularly bad case of teaching brain (like yoga brain but after multiple classes in a row), he was overly effusive and animated as he entertained a group of women at the front of the room after class, Leery included. Jokes and raucous laughter left all of them, Leery inching closer and closer to Jaime, touching and squeezing his arm in a possessive manner in front of the other women. His dopey smile shone bright sunlight of Jaime at each of the women, including Leery, which only encouraged her to step closer into his space. His guard had been left down somewhere in the middle of his third class and he forgot to pick it back up before answering questions after class.

 

Claire, stood in the doorway watching in horror as he seemed to encourage her or not discourage her, giggles still leaving all of them. He looked up, just as Leery wrapped her arms around him to give her a hug, and saw a flash of bouncing curls and his favorite arse swiftly leave the room, then the studio, slamming the door behind her, her emotional luggage from her previous relationships dragging after her like a ball and chain.

 

Luckily another teacher was closing up that night so he was able to scurry out of the room, leaving the women confused. Claire was half way down the street before he got out the door. Calling after her and breaking into a sprint.

 

“Claire!”

 

“Fuck off Jaime.”

 

“Claire…,” he said finally catching up, “It’s not what it looked like.”

 

“Oh aye,” she said mounting as much sarcasm as she could for her rage level, “It’s exactly what it looked like. You were encouraging her, and worst of all you let her touch you, in front of other people. It’s bad enough that you are giving her the exact opposite message than what she needs, but the flirting, with all of them, what was I thinking,” she seethed. 

 

“My boundaries were just a little down from the yoga brain, it wasna on purpose. I wasna trying to be anything but nice. They’re my patrons after all.”

 

“I don’t bloody care about your yoga brain, what a horrid excuse, can you even hear yourself. So you have to whore yourself out because they are paying clients, what a fucking joke. You LIKE the attention.”

 

“Claire, ye ken that’s no what I mean. I was trying to keep the peace, I have to be accessible to the students or they willna come to class. They have to feel a connection with me and be able to ask questions. Are ye seriously jealous of my students? It’s not a big deal, it was just some harmless laughs.  If yer that jealous maybe you shouldn’t come by the studio at all. Why were you even there?”

 

“James Fraser you have crossed the line. You know my history, how could you say that to me, especially after that child showing up at our date last night.  I’m going home. To my home.  Alone,” she said devoid of emotion in a low tone.

 

“Claire…wait…I…I said more than I meant…Please…Forgive me…I was wrong.”

 

“Go home. I’ll call you when I am ready to talk to you.”

 

“Claire, please…”

 

“I’m done. I have no more energy tonight. Work was bad enough. I can’t do this right now.”

 

He reached for her but she was just out of his grasp…again. He followed her to her house, making sure she got there ok, but also, he wanted to talk, he couldn’t bear to go home without her. She had said home, her home. It was like knife to the heart after he had decided that morning to ask her to move in with him. Seeing her walk into her building without so much as a look back, a single tear ran down his cheek.

 

Jaime sat on the front step of her building and bore a hole into the building across the street with the intensity of his gaze. He meditated, he thought deeply, he excavated his emotions, he sat for hours, trying to figure out why he had said that to Claire. Why he had defended his behavior, why had he gotten so mad at her when she had every right to be furious at him. He knew nothing would ever happen with any of these women, but Claire didn’t know that, not really. And Leery, christ what a mess, he had been blind in his yoga haze, he knew, but Claire had also overreacted, or had she. Their whole plan was to talk that night and plot a way to thwart her and then Claire walked in and it looked like he was hugging her. Shite, he thought to himself as he looked at it finally from her point of view now that his anger and defensiveness had passed.  He was wrong…again.

 

Climbing up the chasm of consciousness, hauling a deeply buried thought with him slowly to the surface, he didn’t notice Geillis walk up to him. She had to call his name a few times and finally waved her hand in front of his face to break his trance.

 

“Earth to Jaime!”

 

“Geillis, sae sorry, hi…”

 

“What are ye doin out here? Does Claire know yer here?”

 

“We got in a fight, she told me to go home, she doesna know I’m out here.”

 

Geillis took a breath to decide if she wanted to hear his side of the story or not or run up to Claire.

 

“What happened?”

 

“There’s a student…”

 

“Leery,” Geillis interrupted, “I ken.”

 

Jaime sighed heavily, “She’s been following us a bit on our dates, being overly friendly and touchy after class. She showed up at our date last night and was very strange. Claire and I were to talk about it tonight and make a plan and instead she must have got off work early and come to surprise me at the studio. I’d taught three classes back to back and at the end of the third there were a lot of questions. Leery, was there, and there were lots of laughs and she kept touching me, and I didn’t really notice since there was a whole group of people and my head was a bit swim-y. But Claire saw her hug me, truly I don’t know how long she had been standing there and she left in a huff. I chased her down the street, and we said some things ye ken in the heat of the moment. I told her if she was so jealous she shouldn’t come to the studio,” he said hanging his head in shame.

 

“It doesna seem all that bad, she’ll come around.”

 

“Geillis, she was really cross, like I hadna seen her since the pub with Ann, maybe even worse. I canna lose her Geillis, she’s everything to me. I never want to be with anyone else ever again.”

 

“Christ Jaime. I kent ye loved her but this, ye sound desperate. What are ya planning to marry her or something?”

 

“Yes,” he said without a hint of insincerity. Geillis gasped and then smiled broadly.

 

“Well then laddie, ye have to do a better job then at not mucking it up then don’t ye?”

 

Jaime shook his head in the affirmative but looked at his toes. “Will ye help me?”

 

“I’m sure she will come around after cooling off. Why don’t ye just come in, it’s too late to go home. Sleep on the couch. She’ll be happy to see ye come morning I’m sure.”

 

Jaime hesitated, wondering if going against Claire’s wishes would put him in even deeper hot water.. But he was exhausted/wanted to see Claire as soon as possible and followed Geillis into the flat. Claire was asleep thankfully. Geillis set him up on the couch and headed to her own room. Jaime tossed and turned on the couch, his height causing his legs to stick out a fair amount over the side. A fleece blanket covered a portion of his body, also too small for him.

 

He eventually submitted, partially covered and not at all comfortable, placing his arm over his eyes, figuring he deserved the discomfort for being such a dolt. By the morning he was sprawled on the floor, next to the couch, shirtless, his chest rising and falling, his skin longing to be caressed. Claire watched him. She had no idea what he was doing sleeping on her floor instead of his own bed or hers for that matter. It was curious and even though she was still angry, it amused her knowing there was a story behind this since he didn’t have a key.

 

Claire considered how best to wake him. Options ranged from the downright cruel to surprising him and making him jump out of his skin. She pondered which route she would take. A feather light touch of her index finger on the bottom of his ticklish foot made him jolt his eyes open. He found Claire standing over him at his waist a foot on either side. Realizing where he was, he looked right in her whisky browns as she lowered herself to a squat (thank goodness for yoga) and sat across his hips, feet still at his sides, knees still towards the ceiling. It provided him with very good view of her pajama bottom covered crotch. She wasn’t trying to be sexual though, she was trying to get his attention and hold him in place. He didn’t move to touch her, he sensed he needed her permission to move or even talk. She had the upper hand.

 

“What are you doing here?” She asked crossing her arms in front of her chest.

 

Sky blue looked up at her, desperate to touch her. “I was on yer stoop when Geillis came back and she took pity on me.”

 

“Did she now? And did you tell her what you did?”

 

“I did.”

 

“And what did you do?” She asked her tone sharp.

 

“I betrayed your trust. I threw your biggest insecurity in your face for self preservation and out of my own insecurity of losing you.”

 

“And?”

 

“And I’m sorry, truly I am. I was unfair. Ye ken I want ye with me always, and that includes coming by the studio. Ye ken it, I spoke rashly, I’m sorry.”

 

“Jaime, I may be insecure because he cheated on me but I am not jealous of those women. I’m scared. Terrified really. You tell me you had a stalker in the past, a legitimate, unhinged stalker, we discuss you possibly having one again and then I see you paying it no mind, almost encouraging it. I was both angry and scared that you weren’t taking it seriously for both our sake. I love the shit out of you and I don’t want you in danger, I don’t know what I would do without you.”

 

“So yer not breaking up with me?”

 

“Jaime, it was a fight. Humans have fights. Of course I’m not breaking up with you.”

 

“Oh Sassenach, thank god. I thought I had pushed you to the edge. Yer eyes last night, ye were so mad.”

 

“I was, but that was also fear in my eyes. I was afraid you were carelessly putting us both in danger.”

 

He sat up and scooped her to his chest, hugging her, cradling her and kissing her curls.

 

“I’d never put ye in danger, all I want to do is protect ye.”

 

Geillis walked into the living room to see him cradling Claire on the floor. His eyes met her and she gave him a satisfied smirk that said, see I told you. He thanked her with his eyes.

 

“Mo nighean donn, what shall we do then?”

 

“Well first things first, no more real time posts of us anywhere or being overly responsive to comments online.”

 

“Agree one hundred and ten percent, done.”

 

“That should cut down on the “run ins.” What do you think about class and the studio?”

 

“Well I canna kick her out without cause, legally. She hasna been disruptive to the class or a danger to anyone. But I will tell her to stop trying to touch me and have a talk about boundaries with her. If she doesna comply, I can take the next step and ask her to take other classes or ask her to leave the studio altogether. Final step would be another restraining order.”

 

“Jaime…what do you think the lesson is here…for you I mean, this happening a second time. Is this some sort of test from the universe to see if you’ve really learned something?”

 

He smiled, “Sassenach, that isna a very doctor-y thing of ye to say…are ye coming over to my side of things?”

 

She lightly punched his shoulder, “I’m serious. What do you think this is about?”

 

“I think it’s about learning new boundaries now that I have ye in my life. Before it was just me, and I cared less. But my heart has expanded since I met ye. All those years of work on myself since the divorce and the restraining order, I love myself more now, and that has allowed me to open my heart to ye. To give my heart to ye and I want to protect us and what we are building together. So I ken now I need different boundaries at the studio as my life changes.”

 

She brought her lips to his in a chaste but loving kiss. They would figure this out. They could figure out anything, together.

 

———————————————————-

 

Two days later, Jaime texted Claire at work.

 

_J: Yer off tonight and tomorrow night, aye?_

_C: Yes, two whole days and nights._

_J: Do ye have plans?_

_C: Besides settling myself onto your cock more than once?_

_J: …_

_J: SASSENACH, Christ. I’m in Tesco._

_C: (Angel emoji)_

_J: Yes, besides that._

_C: Laundry, and sleep._

_J: Can ye make time for me tomorrow night, I have a surprise._

_C: Does it involve (eggplant emoji + peach emoji)?_

_J: (Angel & Devil emoji) I canna say, it’s a surprise….Do I need to visit ye in the on call room today?  _

_C: I wish….I’m between surgeries and two days without you is making my whole body ache but there’s no time today. I’ll be at mine tonight and yours tomorrow for my surprise. I’m off to cut some people._

_J: I hate when ye say it like that. It’s so creepy._

_C: That’s why I do it, to get a rise out of you (angel emoji).  (Heart emoji)_

 

—————————————————-

 

Claire was right about being late. She got home around 1 am and finally succumbed to slumber around 2. She woke thankful for the day off around 9am to the pinging of her phone. Throwing it across the room was her first thought, but her second was of Jaime and her third was of Jaime in her bed.

 

_J: Are ye up? I’m at yer door._

_C: Do you have food?_

_J: Of course, what kind of animal do ye think I am?_

 

Willing her body to accept motion, she didn’t bother dressing, having collapsed into bed that morning in a tank top and boy shorts. Grabbing her robe on the way to the door, she opened it to find her tall, toned, ginger with lust filled eyes holding coffee, scones and what smelled like a bacon, egg and cheese sandwich. Jaime gave her open robe his full attention, his brows hitting his crown, before kissing her on the mouth.

 

“What are you doing here? I thought my surprised was tonight?”

 

“I canna surprised ye twice in one day?” He said head cocked to the side as he shut the door behind him and watched her walk to the kitchen with the robe flowing behind her, giving him just a wee keek at her arse as she turned.

 

“In truth Sassenach, I knew ye had likely had a hard night and I had a hard day after your texts…” he laughed shrugging his shoulders.

 

She turned slowly, a blueberry scone in her mouth and looked at him, her eyes traveling down to his waist as he said it. Chewing what was in her mouth and taking a swig of coffee, she eyed him further. “Well Jaime lad, it just so turns out that I’ve yet to take a shower and you know how hard it is for me to scrub my own body. What good fortune you have to arrive at such an opportune moment,” she intoned in jest, motioning him to follow her to the washroom, an exaggerated sway in her step.

\-----------------------------

_Thanks for reading!_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N - I was a little sad today so my editing might not be up to par. Forgive any mistakes, and if it doesn’t make sense let me know. Part VIII might get a little smutty for your Sunday. (angel emoji) 
> 
> I have no idea who to write emojis when I am writing texting. Did I do it right?


	8. Part VIII

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> If you are not into NSFW, skip this one, or only read the first two paragraphs. You'll be fine without it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N - This one comes with a massive warning. I lost the plot, the chapter is crazy long, and it is something you should probably read in a dark closet in a cabin in the woods. There were a few other parts to this chapter but it got so long, I had to end it. 
> 
> For those who are nsfw skittish aren’t into this sort of thing, you can skip this chapter and be just fine, but I’m guessing if you’ve read the other chapters you won’t be too ruffled. 
> 
> In short, don’t read in the vicinity of other people, except maybe your significant other. 
> 
> I’ll be hiding somewhere, scared of comments. There might be typos, I had to get this out there before I lost my nerve. 
> 
> More notes at the bottom.

 

##  _**Pain In My Asana - Part VIII** _

 

Claire and Jaime unexpectedly spent most of the day together until his afternoon class. It was rare that he had spare time when she also had a day off. Lounging around with her in his arms, talking about all matter of things was one of his favorite couple activities but he knew he needed time to set up his surprise, so he made sure to give her a specific time to arrive at his flat, even though he just had just the one class. He didn’t want her arriving early  before everything was ready. He intended to worship her and wanted everything to be perfect.

As an added bonus, after his class he was able to speak civilly and clearly with Leery after about her behavior, another surprise he could add to the night when he saw Claire. Leery had been deeply embarrassed when Jaime spoke to her. He told her in no uncertain terms that he was not interested in her a romantic sense and that he was deeply committed to Claire.  She claimed to not be aware of her actions or how they were perceived by Jaime and his girlfriend. She said she was just a very touchy feely person and she meant no harm, blah blah blah. Jaime let her say her piece not believing her but seeing her shame, he thought the conversation would be enough, thankfully, and that they would not need to take further action. His warning had been enough…he hoped. Time would tell.

 

Jaime spent two hours preparing his practice space for Claire. After their fight a few days earlier and subsequent make up, he wanted to do something special for her, to bring them closer together, to aid in her healing, and continue to worship the absolute goddess of his life. Showing his devotion to her through action.

During his year in India, he had delved into some Tantra study. It wasn’t a main area of study but it was something that interested him, so he had taken a few workshops. Besides that, which was ages ago,  he had mainly read a lot about it, but never really practiced. The idea of that amount of openness and connection could exist with someone had always enthralled him but he had never experienced a desire to share that until Claire.

Nervousness, excitement, and pure terror coursed through him as he prepared the room with candles, an altar/bed-like set up in the middle, essential oils, massage oils and a background music of chants and singing bowls. The space, already sacred to him would become sacred to them. It looked great, but still he worried she could all out reject his gift of a Yoni massage. She could freak out. She could run out. Or it could be the most powerful thing either of them had ever experienced.

Before they were together, during their time of being friends, he had begun to research it more deeply, bringing it from the back burner of his mind to the forefront. Never before had he entertained such an intimate practice with anyone but Claire of course wasn’t just anyone.

Claire arrived exactly on time. When Jaime opened the door dressed in all white like he had been at the retreat all those months before, she was startled by the look on his face. She detected desire, terror, pure love, tense muscles indicating nervousness, and a touch of shyness. It took considerable effort not to freak out seeing his normally warm, loving, ego-less, tender, confident look.

Jaime took her hands, kissed them, kissed her lips slowly, and said, “Welcome Claire.”

Claire was at a loss as he led her by the hand through the mostly dark flat, save for some flame-less candles lining the hallway. They rounded the corner to his practice room and her gasp was audible. Candlelight overwhelmed the space and her heart stopped. Her immediate thought was, is this a proposal? But when she saw the setup in the middle of the room, she sensed it wasn’t. Catching a glimpse of the massage oils to the side of the “bed” she knew it wasn’t a proposal, but didn’t know what it was. He wasn’t into Wicca, or Satanic stuff or anything like that, so at least that was off the list in her mind. Words refused to form in her throat, she simply took in the beauty of the room, and noticed it felt sacred to her. Whatever this was, she was in disbelief and in awe of the being standing next to her.

“Before I tell you more about tonight. I have something to share with you,” he said bringing her back out the kitchen table to sit The same table where they had shared their first kiss all those months ago. Holding her hands, holding himself in check from the excitement of what was to come later in the evening.

“I had a talk with Leery after class,” Jaime said feeling Claire recoil slightly at the sound of her name, “I was direct, and she claimed ignorance to her actions but she was also extremely embarrassed. She apologized. She’s so young and unaware, but I still have my guard up, and I’ll still make the other changes we talked. About. It is handled and I wanted you to know, to give you some relief from worry.”

“I hope you’re right. We’ll have to keep a wary eye and our wits about us, but I am happy you took direct action instead of waiting for it to work itself out,” she said reaching over to give his face a gentle caress along his jawline. “Thank you for telling me, now do you want to tell me what is happening in the other room?”

“Och aye, sassenach, tonight is all about YOU and receiving and healing.”

“What do you mean?”

“Have you ever heard of a yoni massage, sassenach?”

Her face went bright red. Geillis, who else, had mentioned it once. Geillis always the experimentalist, had gotten one from a professional and paid handsomely for it. It was before she had met her current boyfriend and she credited the experience with healing parts of her she had been unaware of that allowed her to be open to her current relationship. It had been described to Claire in graphic detail. At the time she had brushed it off as another crazy thing Geillis tried, but now, in this context and with Jaime, it was a whole different thing.

“Ummm….yes…a friend told me about it once, but beyond that I don’t know much…”

“Well I would like to give ye one, I’d like to make tonight a night in which ye receive, fully, completely, and allow me to give. The practice is one in which everything is allowed, the only boundaries are the ones ye wish to set. The purpose is not orgasm, and it’s not inherently sexual. It is about an intention you set, healing, connecting, unlocking the goddess that ye are and receiving.  It is a deeply intimate and unitive practice. Ye give so much to so many people everyday including myself and I’d like to give this to ye. What do ye think?”

Claire was overwhelmed. No one had done or wanted to do anything remotely like this for her in her life before. She could see this wasn’t about sex, it was about them connecting on an even deeper emotional level. Her emotions were all over the place and she now felt all of the emotions in her body that she had seen on Jaime’s face when he opened the door. Staying silent, absorbing what he had said, she dove deep inside herself to see if this was something she was ready for. Could she receive like this? Was she courageous enough to accept this gift and allow things locked insider her to flow out if they rose?

Jaime stayed silent, watching her, lovingly, without expectation. Looking at the whole of him, he was partly in Jaime teacher mode, something she realized in that instant that she missed from no longer taking his classes, but he was also surrounded by an aura of love, love for her. She could feel it radiating off of his body. It wasn’t sexual, it was beyond words. He was showing up for her, and only her in that moment.

“Have you done this before?” She asked when she was able to form a sentence.

“No,” he said honestly, “But I have studied a bit and I think the timing is right. It will be a new experience for both of us…if you wish it to be.”

“I’ll be honest…I am feeling a myriad of emotions, but most of all I am overwhelmed and honored that you would plan something like this for me. I am honored, truly. I love you.”

“And I you.”

Several minutes passed in silence before her answer came, “Ok, Jaime…I’ll accept this gift…how does it work?”

“Mo graigh, first ye’ll take a wash while I meditate in the room to prepare. We’ll sit together, discuss your intention, talk about any boundaries you wish to set, I’ll massage your whole body to relax you and only when you are fully relaxed with I move to the yoni. The yoni part will be similar, to the full body massage, releasing tension through specific movements. Orgasm could happen though it is not the goal. The only goal is to receive and be worshiped. It will likely be a multi-hour process. I stop whenever you tell me to.”

Squirming ever so slightly at the mere description of the evening ahead, she could feel herself already aroused. All she had to do was be in his presence for that. Claire had many questions, some which she would voice and some which she would allow to play out. Top of mind was how in the hell she was going to be able to restrain herself from tackling him throughout since she already wanted to do that, even though she had had him that morning in her shower.

“What does Yoni mean?”

“It means “sacred space” or “sacred cave” in Sanskrit.”

“Oh…can I touch you at all during this?”

He hesitated, traditionally no, but he had to be careful here to determine if that was connected to her receiving or if it was her wanting to give, he couldn’t know for sure so he tried to be diplomatic.

“It depends,” he said honestly, “Traditionally, no, but we or rather you are are setting the boundaries here. I do encourage you to fully enter receptivity though, which would denote no action on your part. No part of this is about me, and when you touch me in this instance, it transfers your energy into giving to me. I am simply a conduit in this instance. But I willna tell you no or how to manage your experience. The breath work is also important as well as dialog and sound. Any sound that wants to come out, let it if you can, and feel free to talk, or say or whatever, whatever is natural to you. I have read that it is not uncommon for the receiver to enter a trance.”

The pause after his statement felt like an age. Claire was still taking it all in, processing. Being a doctor, she was intrigued by all this, even all the woo parts of it. It was a whole new world and look at the body and she loved nothing more than learning about the body, even if it was outside the realm of medicine. Jaime had opened her up so much already, not only in yoga but in love and in life was a whole. Her heart expanded just thinking of it.

“Do ye trust me?”

“With my life,” she said leaning over to kiss him, “I’m going to wash, let’s do this love,” she said gathering every ounce of courage she to find the amount of vulnerability it was going to take to be this open in front of the man she loved without condition.

———————————————————

Claire took her time in the shower, preparing herself for what was to come. She washed away her expectations with each droplet of water that fell off her body. In order to fully embrace this experience, she had to put her ego aside and be fully open to whatever transpired. What was it Jaime had said, everything is allowed, nothing is denied. If anyone else had said that to her, she would have balked at it it, but with him, she knew it was real, heart centered and pure.

Body buzzing with excitement and a touch of fear, her intention came to her mind, to love herself, just like her mantra that had floated up during meditation recently. All the pain with Frank before and after the pregnancy loss, years of negative messages in medical school and society in general, always telling her she wasn’t enough, this was an opportunity to let it clear and release. Embrace the divine feminine within her.

Walking back into his practice room, she found he had lit red candles and a light red light filled the room. He sat facing the “bed,” still in meditation. As he had done months before, he motioned her to sit beside him, then turned to look directly at her. The silky red slip he had laid out for her laid over her features, barely touching her skin. They sat crossed legged, knees touching, whisky and blue held intently on each other. His hand rose up to rest on her heart and he took her hand and put it on his.

Connected, he closed his eyes and asked her to do the same. He guided them through some extended intentional breath for a few minutes to center them before opening his eyes and asking her what her intention was.

“To love myself fully without condition,” she said in response. Through candlelight she saw a tear run down his cheek. It told her that he was here, present and not holding back anything from her and her heart swelled.

Jaime, aware of his tear let it stand, hands still connected to each other’s hearts. He thought, how could this woman I love so much, the most incredible woman I have ever met not love herself enough for herself. It pained him but it didn’t surprise him given some of their conversations and even some of their fights. He felt honored that she would share this intention with him and that they were embarking on this journey together.

“Promise me Claire, if something doesn’t feel right or you want me to stop or you want to say something, please be honest with me, this is a new experience and it only works with trust and openness.”

“I promise.”

Jaime took her hand to raise her up to stand. Freeing her wet curls from their clip, resting them down her back and giving them a fluff. Gazing directly into her wide pupils, he asked her to think of something she would like to release symbolized by the removal of the slip. “Self-doubt,” she whispered, his breath hitching, “Let it be so,” he said, motioning for her to remove the silk of her own accord.

Stepping out of the pool slip at her feet, she felt an odd lightness. Taking her hand, he guided her to the center altar bed. Claire laid down. He stepped behind her, lifted her head enough that he could take her chestnut hair out from under her and spread it above her head in a fan.

“Are ye comfortable Claire?”

“Yes, very, what is this thing under me?”

“Aye, well a Thai yoga mat and some feather beds stacked and a silk sheet.. I’m glad it is to yer liking. Are ye ready?”

“Yes…I trust you…I am ready.”

Jaime, rubbed his hands together over her head, splitting them like he was holding and invisible ball. Saying a prayer, centering himself and setting his intention to serve and giving over to her intention. Hands held close to her ears but not touching, he tuned into her energy. He was not a trained masseuse but he was highly attuned to energy through reiki and his yogic practices. He was confident that his intuition would guide him. If he was honest with himself, he was happy he had made an effort to hide himself in advance, through an elaborate wrapping method he had seen online. Seeing her like this, willing to receive, trusting, loving, it was a new level of arousal he found himself in and he didn’t want his dancing cock to become a distraction to either of them.

Claire, eyes closed, worked with her breathing, waiting with anticipation for his first touch. She breathed her intention in with every breath, and breathed out what she was release with each exhalation. Jaime’s hands came to rest at the base of her skull cradling her head. His touch shot through her, her entire body beginning to tingle. It didn’t take her long to feel fuzzy in her brain which was likely a good thing, so she could get out of her science mind.

Thumbs resting on her temples, he pressed firmly, giving her another jolt. Thumbs moved to her brow ridge, pressing just under the eyebrow on the sides of the bridge of the nose, tracing out along the brow ridge and back out the temples before tracing over the forehead and down through the jaw, eventually spreading out into her scalp.

Jaime was exceedingly thorough, even massaging her neck and throat. Before moving down to her shoulders and collar bones. The touch was sometimes feather light, dragging a finger here and there, while other times it was deep with a perfect amount of pressure.

Claire was already fully lost in sensation by the time he reached her nipples, a place she knew he loved. But he was methodical, not getting hung up in any one spot no matter his adoration for the spot. Giving each a squeeze between his thumb and middle finger caused her to shudder involuntarily. As his fingers made widening circles out from her nipples, he heard her breath start to quicken and encouraged her to find the long slow deep breaths they had practiced at the beginning, drawing her back to her intention.

The massage continued down her body to her toes, never coming close to her yoni. Reaching her toes, he asked her to turn onto her belly, pouring more oil onto his hands, he massaged up the whole back side of her body in the same sensual, carefully organized fashion until he reached her scalp once again. Pressing into the base of her skull with his thumbs, letting his fingers spread out over her scalp, she groaned and it shot right to his core. Taking a deep breath, he removed his hands from her, stepped away, composed himself, asked her to turn over onto her back. He asked her to lift her hips as he slid a red bolster under her them. Stepping between her legs and sitting on his own cushion, her knees flopped wide exemplifying her relaxation and readiness.

A deep breath found his lungs and he checked in with Claire since a solid hour had passed since they started and she had barely made noise save for a few groans.

“Claire, would ye like to watch? I can prop you up if ye wish.”

Her eyes shot open and met his. His face was serene, almost unbelievably so. She shook her head and said, “not yet.” Relaxation had taken over her body and the idea of having to use another one of her senses save to look Jaime in the eyes seemed like too much in that moment. Even her knees were in danger of flopping over to rest in butterfly pose around Jaime.

Jaime had seen her naked a hundred times in the last few months, but not like this, not this wide open. Without warning a wave of self-consciousness rose up in her. Breath became short in her lungs, and he noticed. He placed his left hand on her heart, letting their eyes meet. A silent conversation passed through them, and she gave him a nod to continue. His left hand traced down her middle and came to firmly rest on her right hip bone, fingers spreading out wide. The right knee that had been dancing dangerously close to falling finally did when his hand rested. Taking his right hand, he coaxed her left knee down, leaving her hips raised, knees wide in a modified baddakonasana (butterfly pose). He swallowed visibly, seeing her in this state and allowed his eyes to travel up the length of her torso to meet hers. Her gaze was unreadable, so he asked.

“Mo nighean donn, tell me where ye are.”

“I’m feeling self-conscious, exposed, vulnerable. I’m starting to doubt myself…but I don’t want you to stop.”

“Keep talking if it helps love, all is allowed,” he said keeping her gaze and adding oil to her mound, letting it run down her, keeping his left hand connected to her right hip, in support.

The oil, slightly warm, made her jump, but his hand brought her back to settle. Returning to her breath practice, she closed her eyes. He watched her intently, her chest moving up and down and marveled at her. Right hand coated in oil, left hand still in place, he dragged his oil soaked hand from her upper right thigh across her lower abdomen and mound and then over to her upper left thigh, covering her in a thin sheen of oil.

Concentrating on the vibration of her body, he began the massage, watching her face as his right hand, his giving hand, drew circles over her clit. A surprised “oh,” left her mouth but her eyes stayed closed. Focusing on methodical circles followed by rolling her between his fingers and added pressure in specific moments, her head swayed to the side and she bit her lip, his favorite sight besides her eyes. With that motion alone he knew she was near the edge, so he relented. Adding more oil, he massaged her outer and inner lips, devoting the same care as he done over her whole body, giving the oft neglected part of the body the love and respect it deserved. Air flew out of her lungs in deep sighs. Having stimulated the whole outside of her, he prepared himself for the next stage, looking over her whole body and face for his cues. Tuning into his own intuition to guide his hand. Inserting his index finger into her elicited his name on her lips.

Claire knew he was inside her, but he didn’t move, not like he usually did. His finger was still,  closing his eyes for a breath as he sensed what her body needed, where the tension spots were. Whisky eyes opened to see him, eyes closed, concentrating and looking like a blissed out adonis. It was so intimate, and she was overcome with emotion, silent tears ran down her face. Feeling her quiver he opened his eyes. Eyes connecting directly, tears obscuring color, he began to roam while watching her. His index finger explored every wall and corner it could reach. Alternately adding pressure or a soft caress when it was called for. He moved without urgency and seemingly without desire. The serenity of his face extended through his arm to his hand. Slow clockwise circles were followed by counterclockwise. Letting her rise up again, before he stopped and shifted, adding his middle finger. Then drawing all the way out of her. The loss of touch on her face was evident.  “Wha..” she mumbled out. “Why…keep…going,” she managed to get out.

Beginning again, he started outside and worked his way in to see what had been released. He eyed her with curiosity and compassion when his two fingers entered her, his palm facing up. Deep inside her but umoving, reconnecting with her intention, she began to shake, a full body shake. He stayed still knowing it wasn’t something he was doing to make her shake, she was releasing something. She cried out not in pleasure, but in pain, in a trance and began to sob. It took every fiber of his being to stay in control of himself, but tears cascaded down his face as he watched her transition through the powerful wave of emotion. Both hands still connected to her, one in her and one supporting her, he stayed stock still riding the wave with her.

Five minutes later, she had settled, exhausted from the exertion and was silent and still, breath normal but obviously still in a state, so he moved the two fingers in her, palm up, fluttering just the tips of them delicately trying to find their fleshy destination. Once in place, he moved them together in time like he was trying to drag her pelvis toward him with just those two fingers, a come hither motion, stroking her inner wall, making contact with the goddess spot each time.

Without warning or preamble, she exploded, her bone rattling cry, this time of pleasure.  He had been so careful with each movement, the whole practice but this was out of his control. A rush of wetness coated his whole hand, and without thinking his thumb found her clit and began gentle circles prolonging the experience for her. Gasping for breath, her body shivered violently. He for one never wanted it to end, she was exquisite. Thumb tracing in a circle around her opening, before gently removing his hand, he instinctively brought it to her chest, and spread her wetness over her heart and down her belly, blessing her with herself and entering her again, rotating his hand just so, thumb on bundle of nerves, three fingers in side and pinky finger dancing around her arse, unsure if there was permission to enter and complete the traditional, holding of the universe gesture. He went for it, she gasped, and settled, him holding her in stillness, holding all of her, supporting all of her, being one with her.

It seemed a strange time, still fully locked into her, still unable to put to words what had just happened, still fully aroused, but all he could think was how much he wanted to spend the rest of his life with this goddess, when she stirred and called his name.

“Jaime…” she sniffled, “hold me.”

———————————————————————-

It would likely take months for all the pieces of the experience to be processed but after 10 hours of sleep, she was finally back with the living. Jaime had held her for hours after. He had washed her body, while she floated in and out of a semi conscious state, her body ragged with exhaustion of release. Returning the red silk slip to her body, he had laid her in bed and held her for the night. Claire didn’t speak again until the morning she was so inside of herself.

The practice wasn’t just a one night thing, it continued into the next day and the day after that. Jaime took care of her, gave all of himself to her, holding her, cooking for her, processing with her, going over their mutual experiences, they existed in a sexless bubble for two days after. Claire made connections in her sexual history to wider issues in her life, she felt a deep release in relation to guilt in her past relationship and she realized that while she was a healer in her every day life, even healers need healing.

Neither had ever felt so close to someone before, the gift of the practice had removed layers of themselves that they didn’t know still had to fall away. They were truly part of the same whole and it was earth shattering.

And on the fourth day, Jaime got a surprise.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! 
> 
> A/N - I have never experienced this and although it is a real thing, this is fictional. The jury is out on such a practice and I have made up the outcome here to suit the story of Claire’s healing. And as I said in an anon ask, I’ve never studied tantra, so if you have, suspend your disbelief where I have added fiction.


	9. Part IX

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Summary - Jaime is a yoga teacher, Claire is his student. Jaime has his awkward pants on and continues to put his foot in his mouth around Claire. Claire avoids Jaime…for a while. 
> 
> (This started as a one shot but I was convinced to continue it :) Jaime gets a surprise. Things move forward in their relationship.)
> 
> Part IX Summary - Jaime gets a surprise. Things move forward in Jaime and Claire's relationship.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N - Warning - a bit not safe for public reading. More notes at the bottom. I may have written part of this in a sugar and wine haze so please excuse any typos and sentence that make you say WTF :)

 

##  **_Pain In My Asana - Part IX_ **

 

Something in Claire cracked open after her night of receiving. The once guarded and boxed in heart was open and free, and she wanted to give all of it to Jaime. Grounded in a new found sense of self, she felt a protective shield of angst fall away. Surgeries were more fluid, her presence in the moment full. Finally in her 30s she felt more herself than she had ever been and it was due to the immense healing and release of the yoni massage that aided in regaining her love for herself. The care and love Jaime displayed giving her the gift of true release, his love  towards her and for her was something she would never forget as long as she lived. There had never been anything like it in her life before.

 

Though still processing complex emotions and overwhelmed by the gift that Jaime had given her, she began to plan. Repaying him wasn’t in her mind, but she did want to show him how much it had meant to her and how much she meant to him.

 

Not normally prone to celebrate such things, Claire knew their four month anniversary was coming up and booked out a cottage on Loch Awe for three days as a surprise. Reaching out to the teacher who she now took class with, she secured substitute teachers for all of Jaime’s classes during that time and of course got a couple of days off herself. She’d have to tell him in advance of course but she knew just how to do that. Sneaky Claire was out to play.

 

—————————————–

Four days after the epic night with Claire, Jaime prepared for a new private yoga client. Private sessions were one of the services Jaime and others offered at the studio. People booked private sessions for a variety of reasons, a posture tune up, deeper study, an injury, nervousness about being in a group class, one on one attention and on and on. Jaime loved them because of the ability to focus on one person and their needs specifically. It was a different type of connection and teaching than a group class. His fellow teachers had convinced him to allow online booking for theses sessions which he resisted for a long time. Pre-screening was essential to his previous experiences and restraining order. So far the detailed online form students had to fill out before booking seemed to be working well enough and online booking made everything so much easier.  

 

Elizabeth MacKenzie, the new client, was coming in for assistance with a knee injury and mobility. Jaime prepared the space, bringing out all of the requisite props for the practice. He sat for a few minutes to prepare the space and upon hearing the main studio door open, he left the private client room and was met with a bright smile and bouncing brown curls.

 

“Claire, a dhia, what are ye doin here? Why are ye no asleep after your night shift?”

 

A hint of mischief in her eye, she flipped her curls over her shoulder, smirked at him and said, “I’m your next appointment, Elizabeth MacKenzie.”

 

Stunned and speechless, his lips moved but sound didn’t come out. Jaime stood staring at her in disbelief.

 

“I realized the other night, that I really missed your teaching, being in your class, so I thought this was maybe a compromise. Are you mad?”

 

“I’m…ye ken…I don’t know what I am…Are ye serious about this?”

 

“Yes, I would have asked you at home…I mean at your flat…but I figured we wouldn’t get through the lesson. Here we will.”

 

“…Are ye sure about that?” He said voice awash with question and lust, the shock of her showing up having dissipated and transformed into intense desire.

 

“Yes.”

 

“Okay then,” he said motioning her into the private studio and closing the door.

 

Claire walked in and dropped her long black jacket, revealing a bright red strappy yoga bra that looked like a sexy torture device and matching leggings with cutouts and mesh. As soon as the jacket hit the floor, revealing her whole backside, she heard his breath hitch. Aware of his love of her in red, she had bought this set special for him. Although not a color she wore often, she knew he thought it highlighted all of her features and made her skin glow. His reaction was exactly what she had been hoping for.

 

“Claire Elizabeth Beauchamp, now I know ye were lying to me. Ye canna have worn that (his hand motioning up and down), and expect to get through a yoga session.”

 

Shrugging her shoulders and giving him a smirk, she walked over the mat and props he had set up.

 

“Let’s begin,” she said in all seriousness.

 

Rubbing the back of his neck with his hand, then over his hair and to his face, trying to will himself back into teacher mode after his girlfriend walked in looking like a goddess intent on having her way with him. She was fully embodied in a way he had never seen her before. Him teaching was the farthest thing from his mind. This was going to be a challenge he thought.

 

“As ye say, love,” he said unconvinced, “What do ye want to work on then?”

 

“You tell me, you’re the teacher,” she said lying down the mat and closing her eyes.

 

It that moment that Jaime realized it could go one of two ways, and he wasn’t sure which was Claire’s true intention.She was either here for an elaborate roll play of teacher and student or she was really here for a yoga lesson…or maybe both. Jaime decided to let it play out but also to play with her, giving into either scenario but not giving in all the way. Touching her in every posture and adjusting her was sure to do the trick. Neither could deny the ever present electric shock that existed when they touched.

 

With Claire settled into the mat, he started at her feet. Picking up her legs by the ankles, bringing her feet to the height of his waist and then gently swishing her legs side to side while lowering her legs back to the ground. She sighed, “Jaime that felt so good.” Walking around to her side, placing one hand on her right shoulder and one on her right wrist, an intentional pull and lowering of the arm, covering her right hand with his, his palm to hers and a palm underneath her hand. The same on the other side. Walking behind her head and taking a seat, his large hands gave her shoulders a deep, comforting press. A sound escaped her and he had a flashback to four nights earlier and had to shift to accommodate his half risen cock stand. His hands came to her head, readjusting her head and extending her neck and spine. “Well this feels familiar,” she said of nowhere and cracked a smile.

 

“Aye, mo graigh,” he said emotionless suppressing his desires.

 

Jaime moved all of her limbs to warm her up in a thai yoga massage style sequence as opposed to a normal yoga warm up. Thai yoga massage is sometimes called “Lazy Man Yoga” because it is like yoga with someone else moving your body. Feeling the sexual energy oozing off of Claire, he moved to some more movement based practices, still unsure of how he was going to handle the bulk of the session. He was conscious that they were technically in public and in his place of business no less. He had to be careful.

 

Jaime guided her through a series of valloma breaths, a three part cleansing breath, before finding a seat to work with some mudras (hand seals). Careful not to give her too many energizing practices because she still had to sleep off her night shift, the mudras were all middle of the road and relaxing. Once out of the warm up phase, the true challenge began when Claire popped up into downward facing dog. His hands were on her in an instant, adjusting her shoulders, giving a gentle press into the base of her spine before he walked behind her. Placing an hand on each of her hips, he lifted them and drew them back. Strictly speaking, he was far to close to her than was yogically appropriate. Having pulled her hips up and back, he stepped flush with her arse, letting her feel his desire. Claire tried to hold her own but she felt a wave of wetness find her center. Right hand drawing from him to lower back, down her arse to between her legs, then dragging back navel to arse. Claire was sure he could feel her wetness through her yoga pants since she had gone commando.

 

Just as quickly he stepped way, instructing her into a high lunge and through a flow. Face fully flush when she stepped up desperately trying not to look at him while feeling the magnetic pull of him through every cell. Claire knew that it was only a matter of time before one of them broke and fell off the high wire of the false facade of the session.

 

Throughout the grounding flow of postures, Jaime’s hands were on her in each. Tweaking and adjusting her, and sometimes just touching her for no yogic reason. Claire’s senses ignited with each touch only to be doused when his hands left her and he stepped away guiding the next posture. The teasing aroused her to a point of madness, unconsciously licking her lips.

 

Jaime demonstrated a perfectly formed chair pose (utkatasana), his muscular arse visible through is pants, his half cockstand still waiting for her to encourage it to grow. As he went to stand from the posture and gesture her to take the posture she lost it and jumped onto his still partially bent form, landing in his lap as caught her by the upper thighs. His mouth was on her neck before he stood all the way up. Grasping the back of her head, dragging his tongue to her ear, taking her whole fleshy earlobe in his mouth, moaning into her ear.

 

Claire unraveled into an animalistic version of herself, clawing at him, climbing him, writhing her hips against his full arousal. Shaking her neck free her mouth waged a passionate war on his, trying to gain the high ground in his mouth. Forgetting breath was needed to live, she tried to absorb his life force instead. 

  
Her back hit the wall and she squealed. Jaime considered strapping her arms in with the Iyengar style yoga ropes on the wall but was too taken with lust to spend the time fussing with them. Taking her off the wall, her still completely attached to him at the mouth and hips, her hands clawing into his back and arse, he squatted all the way to the floor until she was on her back.

 

Jaime had completely lost himself, his awareness, his surroundings, all was consumed by Claire. So much so that he didn’t register their bottom halves were still clothed until Claire separated her lips from his to get a better angle to pull her yoga pants down to allow him entry.

 

“Christ Claire, I’m…I canna wait…will ye have me?”

 

Red yoga pants amongst her ankles as she wriggled underneath him to free herself of them using her feet as he hands came to his waistband and pulled to his knees using her feet to push them away as they touched, bit, licked and devoured each other.

 

“I want you inside of me now!” She said in a voice he had never heard before. He obeyed sheathing himself deep inside her as she yelped with this new voice. Her legs were everywhere as they found their punishing pace. Jaime in absolutely ecstasy, vulnerability and awe, took in this new creature before him. Claire had never been so vocal during sex before, sounds sure, moaning absolutely but had never been much of a talker. But now, she was commanding, open, and free of a filter she apparently used to have.

 

Shifting below him, she reached over for a bolster (rectangular firm yoga pillow) and popped it under her hips, bringing her leg up over his shoulder as she had before, something they both enjoyed, but this time she added her other leg over the other shoulder, ankles crossing behind his neck. “Fuck me Jaime, HARD,” she said in the sexiest low voice he had ever heard. He knew he wouldn’t last long in this position with her pretzel-ed beneath and around him, him hitting her upper wall but dammit it if he wouldn’t make this position count. Compactly folded, her arms found any purchase on him she could, scratching, pulling and pinching, trying to get a grip on some part of him. Folding over her, his mouth came next to her ear, “Ye wee vixen!” he said just before biting her neck fully.

 

“Harder, you ginger viking god, harder.”

 

Jaime was delirious making the climb towards his completion. Her cries, her new penchant for being vocal was making him crazy.  As Jaime’s cries and moans, grew louder, escaping his mouth over again and again, his head tucked into the side of her neck, Claire heard a small creak. From her folded position she looked over his shoulder, just as he cried out, “Fuck Claire, I love ye. I love ye,” over and over, to see Leery, stock still in shock. Claire smirked, and yelled “More…Jaime…harder..love you…harder” to drive home the point. Leery’s blond locks swished around her and as she ran back out the door she came in, shutting it without a sound. Claire smiled, her plan complete and fell apart around Jaime as she felt the relief of release in her body and her mind knowing her rival had been slayed. Jaime not a second behind her in his own oblivion, his warmth filling her.

 

———————————————————

There was nothing like seeing someone you think wants you in the passionate throws with another woman to throw you off the scent. Leery made her instagram account private, unfollowed Jaime and all of the studio social media and was never seen at the studio again. Her embarrassment so deep, she avoided the neighborhood all together. A foolish girl she may have been but Claire a formidable woman not to be outmatched. Case closed.

———————————————————–

Jaime, too stunned after their session to make sentences, had simply nodded his head when Claire said, “See you tonight at yours?” and walked out.

 

Now, still slightly out of it and unhinged awe, he made them dinner while Claire slept in the other room. She was on again at 11, and it might be rushed but he knew he had to ask tonight, he couldn’t wait until their next anniversary or even next week, he need her to be a part of his everyday life without fail. Too concerned to spook her with a proposal, he would start softer with asking her to move in with him.

 

Lost in thought stirring a simmering broth,  he didn’t hear the sleepy pattering of feet approaching him and startled when her fingers curled around his sides and to his stomach and then straight down his loose lounge pants to give him a little fondle as he jumped slightly at the unexpected touch. Kissing his spine, and hugging him from behind, she said, “I just wanted to make sure my second favorite part of you was still intact after this afternoon.”

 

Releasing the spoon, he turned slowly, “Second favorite part, aye? What’s the first?”

 

Looking directly into his eyes, her right hand rose to rest directly on his heart. “This,” she said rubbing her thumb over his heart.

 

Meeting her hand at his heart with his, he twined their fingers, bringing his mouth to her palm and pulse point, kissing them with reverence,  his watery eyes meeting hers as did.

 

“Jaime? What is it?” concern lacing her syllables.

 

“I…,” a single tear slid down his cheek, “I love ye so much Claire, I can scarcely believe it. I didn’t know I could feel this way, this deep. I am overwhelmed by how honored and grateful I feel each day that ye decided to give me a chance.”

 

Claire’s face was wet with emotion, taking in his words, his tender touch and the miracle that she had indeed given him a chance. That that chance had led them to this place, to all of the healing up until this point and more that was sure to come, to all of the ways their life had started to intermingle and become one. All of it too beautiful for words.   
Jaime turned and reached into the cabinet to his right producing a small navy blue rectangle box. Claire eyed it as he brought it around to her. Her thoughts ran rampant. Was this a proposal? Christ Beauchamp, it’s not the right sized box. Fuck. I must really want to marry him.

 

“Claire, ye make me feel like all 12 of my souls can breath and that you love each and every one of them with all of ye…”

 

Her thoughts ran rampant - _Is this a proposal? Christ Beauchamp, that’s what you thought last time. It’s not even the right sized box. Fuck…I must want to marry him. Christ, I really really want to spend my life with him. I want ginger haired babies. Oh what I wouldn’t give for ginger haired fox cubs…wait, does he want kids. We have somethings to talk about. Right, blue box, focus._

 

“Will ye move in and make yer home here with me?” He said opening the box to reveal a key.

 

“Of course I will Jaime, there is nowhere else I’d rather be than here with you,” she said flinging her arms around his neck and peppering him with kisses. 

 

_——————————————————_

_Thanks for reading!_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N - Clearly I know nothing about how a surgeon’s schedule works, so please suspend disbelief about Claire’s work hours. Timeline reminder - Jaime and Claire have known each other for over a year at this point in the story. They non-dated for about three months, and have been actual dating for about for months, plus all the time she was in his class before all that.


	10. Part X

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Story Summary - Jaime is a yoga teacher, Claire is his student. Jaime has his awkward pants on and continues to put his foot in his mouth around Claire. Claire avoids Jaime…for a while. (This started as a one shot but I was convinced to continue it :)
> 
> Chapter Summary - Jaime and Claire work out some kinks and emotional layers.

 

##  _**Pain In My Asana - Part X** _

“Jaime, there’s something I should tell you...I...trapped Leery.” Like a serial killer returning to the scene of the crime, she knew she had to tell him. Though not entirely sorry, she did have a hint of guilt and felt compelled to tell him. What was it he had said once...secrets, not lies...but she couldn’t keep a secret like this, or any secret with her glass face.

 

Head snapping up from his dinner and almost spilling on his bare torso, still partially naked from their riotous encounter on the kitchen floor after he asked her to move in.

 

“What do ye mean?”

 

Biting her bottom lip, eyes cast down, shifting uncomfortably in her chair.

 

“Today, at the studio...she was there...I booked the appointment after mine in her name so she would get the notification email and come in. I knew no matter what you had said to her, she would still come in, looking for you.”

 

Jaime, ever the most composed person she had ever known, stood so fast his chair fell over behind him. “Ye, what?!” He yelled.

 

Although he was clearly upset and had shocked her with the decibel level of his voice, Claire couldn’t help but cast her eyes over his mostly naked form in front of her and as she did, all she saw was tension, every muscle taut, nipples erect and hands balled into fists at his sides. 

 

Spitting words out like venom from a viper, Jaime seethed, “Ye mean to tell me, that harpie saw me in the all together, during one of the best sexual encounters of my life?”

 

“I mean only you arse really, she didn’t stay long…”

 

“Christ Claire, ye are not helping yerself here. I canna believe ye did that, used my business for yer own gains, and then put us both in that situation. Ye yerself said she was dangerous, what possessed you to put us in such a compromising position with someone like that? I told ye it was HANDLED.”

 

Claire was stunned. This person in front of her - raised voice, shaking with anger, coiled to pounce -  this person was new and she hated seeing him come out as a result of something she had done. The minor guilt she felt earlier shifted into shame, deep soul scratching shame. More upset than relieved, she hated that she had thought this was a good idea, hated what was happening to the other part of her soul right in front of her. There was no logical defense, she realized. He was right, she had royally messed up.

 

“I...I...I thought I was giving her a final shove out the door, letting her see something she couldn’t recover from. I thought I was helping. I thought about not telling you, but we are going to share a life, I had to...that is if you still want me to move in.”

 

Jaime stood silently, closed his eyes, spread out his toes and rocked back and forth on his feet trying to ground. Breath rising and falling from his belly. Checking his overall system he realized he hadn’t been this mad in ages and there were layers to it. The use of the business, the use of them, the not trusting that he had taken care of it, the deviousness, the relief of it being off his plate, wondering if it was going to make it worse, fear that no matter what, he knew he would forgive her anything and that made him vulnerable to his core.

 

With each increasing moment of silence from Jaime, Claire got more worried and realized the position she had put herself in, them in. It had seemed like such a good idea, a perfect way to close the loop and yet here she was, wondering so loud that her mind was shouting at her, asking if she had self-sabotaged this relationship.

 

An unfamiliar sound cut through the silence as Jaime’s voice took on a tone she had not heard before, serious, angry and admonishing but somehow still loving.

 

“Of course I still want ye to move in, but what you did was wrong and I am furious and taken aback by the manipulative nature of it. I ken ye must have felt threatened given yer history, but that is nay excuse. I canna believe that memory is ruined now, it was so mind blowing and now it is tainted.  I need some time to cool off and sort myself. Go to work, we’ll speak tomorrow.”

 

Jaime walked over to the couch where his shirt lay on the back of the couch and clothed his body, something Claire knew he only did when he felt he needed protection. Her stomach tied itself up in knots knowing that he felt he needed to protect himself from her in that moment.

 

“I’m sorry Jaime. I was trying to protect us, I never thought it would make you this angry or hurt you. I was doing what I thought would help. I love you,” she walked over to him, hugged him from behind and kissed his spine. Without moving to touch her or turn, he said, “I love ye too.”

 

Claire separated from him, grabbed her things and walked towards the door, “We’ll speak tomorrow?” 

  
Looking directly at her for the first time in about 15 minutes, face etched with pain, confusion and love, words slipped out of his mouth, “Aye, we’ll speak tomorrow Claire.”

 

Shutting the door to Jaime’s flat, hearing the click of the lock, an earthquake of emotion rose in Claire and she wept immobilized outside his door. Jaime could hear her outside and had to steady himself to not run to her. Deep emotion released from Claire was kryptonite for Jaime. His giving nature made him want to scoop her up, cradle her in his arms and rock her to sleep no matter how upset he was, but he held firm. Claire needed to go through her process and so did he. Knowing he needed to sort himself separately was one of his great strengths. The self study aspect of yoga was one of his most prominent practices and it was a practice that he and Claire discussed often. It was all he needed in that moment, and he knew where, the highlands, home.

 

\-----------------------------------------------

 

Two days, or rather nights, of night shifts passed without a word from Jaime. Claire was frantic. Wanting to reach out, her hand hovered over her phone a hundred times in two days but her mind pulled her back each time, reminding her that the ball was in his court, he had said he needed the time and she needed to honor that. Their early acquaintance had been rife with conflict and misunderstanding, even fighting, but this, this was different. This was a full on fight that could end their relationship, trust had been eroded.  

 

The image of Jaime, tensed, balled up into a fireball of anger was seared into her brain. Each time the image came through her mind’s eye, shame filled her body from head to toe. Trying to stay ahead of it using the practices Jaime had taught her, pranayama (breathwork) became her best friend. Sometimes it helped, sometimes it didn’t. On a break at work, she tried to sit for meditation, to witness her thoughts, hone in on the fact that she was not her thoughts instead she sobbed uncontrollably after one minute of sitting.

 

Joe, a surgeon who had newly transferred from Boston, found her in a heap in the on-call room. They had become fast friends over the month he had been at the hospital, but she was embarrassed beyond words when he found her lying in the fetal position, pillow soaked with tears, body laced with a tremor.

 

Pulling up a chair to the bunk beds where Claire lay, he got her attention. “Tell me,” he said, with a warmth and kindness usually reserved for the most dire clinical cases. Joe’s bedside manner was legendary. Both on and off the hospital floor he was one of the kindest people she had ever met, aside from Jaime of course.

 

Claire started hesitantly, she had told Joe a few things about her life, about Jaime, mostly due to her obvious rising elation over the month he had been at the hospital, aka not being able to keep the grin off her face, so that he had to ask about it, but there was a lot he didn’t know and she silently calculated what to reveal in that moment. The public facing Doctor and the private one often took on a different mask, as most people do in their public and private lives. Instead of wearing the mask, it fell away as it all poured out. Once she started she couldn’t stop.

 

“Claire, here’s the thing,” he said in a deep almost fatherly voice, American syllables commanding her attention, “Love is not about being perfect. Being human is not about being perfect. In our work, we have to be perfect and controlled/controlling or someone dies, but outside the OR life is different. You have to find a bridge between your work expectations of yourself and the life expectations of yourself. Find a way to be ok with making mistakes, being human and learning. We are always learning in the operating room, learning new procedure and methods, why would a new relationship be any different?  You made a mistake, a big one sure, but a big part of a romantic relationship is learning, growing, and learning that love isn’t about control. It’s about acceptance.”

 

“Did you do a clinical rotation in psych?”

 

Joe chuckled, “ I did but that’s not where this comes from or why I am saying it. It is something I have had to learn myself. Gayle has helped me with everyday since the day we met. You and Jaime have something special, that much is clear. Talk it out, get to the nitty gritty, know your role in a painful situation, take responsibility but stay out of self loathing, and learn. Above all learn whatever this action was really about for you, and for you both as a couple and then learn some more.”

 

“Thank you Joe, truly.”

 

“And LJ, maybe think about a therapist? There seems to be some lingering things below the surface that might benefit from a closer look.”

 

Taken aback, Claire shrugged, said “Ok,” in an almost silent voice. She knew he meant well but wondered if all that was really necessary.

 

By the time she was cleaned up and back out on the floor, she realized Joe was right. Therapy was a good idea, not only for her but for her relationship. It dawned on her that since she and Jaime started their acquaintance and then relationship, how much healing work he had helped facilitate for her, selflessly. She didn’t want their whole relationship to center on her healing, or Jaime playing therapist for her and feeling used. She put in a call for a referral as her shift ended. Followed directly by a call to Jaime.

 

“...Cl...a...ire…,” she heard through the static of a broken cell phone line. It was Jaime, but she couldn’t hear much more than that.

 

She tried him again, twice, static each time, and then a dropped call. Where the hell is he? She thought.

 

Thirty minutes later, her phone pinged with a text.

 

_J: Just got some wifi, I was hiking._

 

_C: Oh. Where are you? I thought we were to talk the next day, it’s now three…_

 

_J: I’m in the highlands. Did ye no receive my note?_

 

_C: No._

 

_J: Sae sorry Claire, ye must think I’m a right arsehole just dropping off the face of the earth. I dropped by the other day after yer shift but ye werena home. I figured ye had a surgery that ran late, so Geillis let me leave ye a note with the coffee. I went home for a few days to sort myself, take a self retreat and hillwalk._

 

_C: It’s been a rough few days...I haven’t been home. Why didn’t you text?_

 

_J: I thought ye’d get the note._

 

_C: I didn’t._

 

_J: I ken that now. I said I was sorry._

 

_(Ignoring his tone) C: When are you coming home?_

 

_J: When ye’re done with nights later this week. I miss ye and we need to talk, ye ken._

 

_C: I ken. Call me when you are back._

 

_J: Count on it mo nighean donn._

 

\------------------------------------------------------

 

With the week finally out, a therapist appointment booked, and her love on his way back into town, Claire wrapped herself in a blanket and slept to the depth of which only someone who has been awake for 48 hours straight can comprehend.

 

Waking to the feel of a hand brushing her cheek, her eyes slowly blinked open to see red curls poking out underneath a black beanie hat attached to the hand that now rubbed her shoulder. “Jaime,” she breathed. 

  
“Aye, here I am,” his voice softly said.

 

Springing up from the bed, her arms wrapped around his neck dragging him to her. Cooing in his ear she said, “I’m so sorry. Truly, I am so sorry.”

 

“Aye mo graigh, I ken it,” he whispered back, pulling her up to sit, leaning them both against the headboard, bringing her hands to rest with his.

 

“When I didn’t hear from you I went into a spiral. Joe, that new Doctor I told you about, he helped me peel myself off the floor and gave me great advice, and then suggested I see a therapist. At first I thought it was a little much but then I came to see all that you have been doing for me, and how I have continually put you in that role for me. And I don’t want you to feel like you need to do that for me, or that that is the only way you can relate to me or that that is all our relationship is, because it’s not, and so I booked an appointment.”

 

He looked well and truly shocked, “Claire, I...I would never think that our relationship is only that. We have been helping each other heal, me for you and just as much as you for me. It’s no a one way street. I ken what ye are saying and that is fine and well wonderful if ye would like to take that course of action, but know that ye would could never be a burden to me. I have told you over again, I want to know everything about ye, the good, the bad and the unseen and all the mistakes ye will make and I will surely continue to make, its how we recover and grow that will make us as a couple and help us grow stronger.”

 

“Thank you Jaime, but I still think it is wise. There is so much left from the past that I didn’t realize was there and I want to be my best self with you and if that takes some outside help than so be it, I have accepted that.”

 

“Claire, I will support you no matter what, but know, perfection is not the goal. I love ye now as ye are. I loved ye as ye were when ye first walked into the studio and I will love ye ten and fifty years from now, however it is ye are then.”

 

“You are too much. How are you real?”

 

“Och, well, I hear it’s because my ma loved my da…,” he joked, blushing, “And ye ken, I’ve done a lot of work on myself and it is part of my work to work on myself.”

 

Claire playfully jabbed his arm for that one.

 

Tilting his head, his hand found it’s way to tangle in one of the loose curls at the side of her face. “I missed ye so much, but we’ve still to discuss some matters between us.”

 

Claire sat up further, kissing his wandering hand and drawing it back into her lap, thumb lazily tracing over scars on his knuckles, (from punching a wall in his youth he had said). “Ok,” she said, encouraging him on.

 

Looking directly at her, eyes full of sincerity and love, he began to relay what he had found in his silent self-retreat. “It took me a bit to figure out why I reacted sae strongly,” he said, emotion starting to trickle into the tone of his voice, “It was the manipulative action of it. It felt like something Gen or Leery might have done and that scared the shite out of me. It was so sneaky, so distrustful. I felt for a moment like I was reliving old pain, existing in the same loop I thought I had exited.”

 

Claire gasped. She had never once considered how those things wove together and was immediately hit with a tsunami of shame.

 

“I...I am overcome with shame Jaime. I am abundantly sorry. How will you ever forgive me? How can I fix this between us?”

 

“Ye are already forgiven. Ye made a serious mistake but so did I and ye still let me into yer life with the hope that we could learn from each other and expand and the same is true her. I am still no happy about it, I am still working it through my body, but I have forgiven ye and I ken it was done fully out of a space of fear and self preservation and not a desire to hurt me.”

 

Claire shook her head yes, unable to fully comprehend how a human like Jaime existed. There really was something to those awareness practices of yoga.

 

“I promise that if anything like this comes up again, I will speak to you first. It should always be me and you in it together first, before anything else. All my years alone, made me forget that when I booked that appointment for Leery. I don’t ever want to hurt you.”

 

“Aye, I ken that, but ye will and I am sure I will hurt ye, we’re human. But let’s make a promise to each other, that it will never be on purpose, that we’ll never seek out to intentionally wound each other, no matter how scared and self protective we might feel. Foremost, we must communicate honestly.”

 

“I promise.”

 

“I promise.”

 

In Claire’s swimming mind, it sounded like a vow, a precursor to a wedding vow and her heart took a flying leap into her throat.

 

“Pack a bag love, and let’s go home. We can start to get your things tomorrow but for now, I’ve got some anniversary plans for ye our place.”

 

His use of “our” and “home” filled Claire’s senses with a jolt of comfort that soon turned to desire and then to realization...their anniversary, shite.

 

“Jaime, did you say anniversary? What’s the date today?”

 

“The 22nd.”

 

“Oh my God, I can’t believe it. Shite…”

 

“What?! What is it?” He asked seeing the color drain from her face.

 

“I...I... booked us a cottage, secured you some subs for your classes, and in the whirlwind of the past week, I forgot to tell you and lost track of the date.”

 

Speechless, Jaime, embraced her and then started laughing. “Ye are a magical creature Sassenach,” he said pulling back to kiss her thoroughly, stealing her breath.

 

“Where is this cottage and what dates do we have it?”

 

“Mmmm, what…” she said dreamily out of it from the kiss, “Oh tomorrow, we have to be there tomorrow. I rented it for three days.”

 

“...Aaaand?”

 

“And, It’s on Loch Awe.” 

 

\---------------------------------------------------

 

_A/N - Happy New Year and Thanks for reading!_


	11. Part XI

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jaime is a yoga teacher, Claire is his student. Jaime has his awkward pants on and continues to put his foot in his mouth around Claire. Claire avoids Jaime…for a while. (This started as a one shot but I was convinced to continue it :)
> 
> Chapter Summary - Jaime and Claire journey to Loch Awe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N- This chapter is slightly nswf.

##  _**Pain In My Asana - Part XI** _

Jaime didn’t stop laughing for a full ten minutes as Claire rushed around her flat trying to get a mini break holiday bag ready. The wide smile on his face made his cheeks hurt. Claire’s surprise gift was a beautiful gesture. One he already appreciated and they hadn’t even left yet. It was rare for him to be away from the studio for long. Though he employed many teachers, he was still mostly a one man band when it came to the running of the business. Having most of the week off, hill walking at home and now a long weekend, it was a true rarity.

 

Watching her from the doorway, Jaime felt the weight of an heirloom circle in his pocket. A circle he would entrust to her when the moment seemed right, and he became certain it would present that weekend. Though sooner than he had planned, wanting to wait until the first night she was fully moved into the flat, he didn’t take synchronicity lightly, and knew when he was being smiled upon.

 

The time in the highlands had made one thing above else clear once he sorted himself out, Claire. Though filled with varying bouts of rage, sobs and emptiness, they cleared the way for what he always knew, regardless of what she had done or would ever do, he wanted her forever. He would forgive her anything. Their schedules were often at odds but, they had never been apart distance wise since they started dating until Jaime took off for his ancestral home. It created a soul deep longing in him that was entirely new. The separation felt as though a piece of him had been cut out and removed. It was not something he ever wanted to experience again so long as he could help it. Within a day he had gone to collect his birthright, the ring of Lallybroch, worn by by Ladies of Lallybroch since it was built by his 18th century ancestors.

 

Jenny, his sister, was stricken when she saw him, “Four years brother, and hardly a word then here ye are.” Jenny knew immediately why he had come, she could recognize a man in love when she saw one, especially her brother.

 

He shrugged, “Here I am.”

 

“Have ye come for the ring then?”

 

“How did ye know?”

 

“Ye have the look about ye of a man engulfed by love.”

 

Turning a delicate shade of rose, Jaime, looked at his feet briefly thinking of Claire, letting a smile spread across his face before he lifted his head back up to meet his sisters eyes.

 

“Oh aye, plain as day brother,” she said smiling, “Plus Ian said ye might be coming.”

 

“Where is that traitor?”

 

“Leaving the bairns off at school, he’ll be back shortly. Come, let’s catch up before he gets back. We’ve much to talk about.”

 

Jaime stepped through the threshold of his childhood home and his body shook in a pranic jolt. It had been four years since he had been in the house. Childhood had been idyllic for the most part but when he reached university and started to unravel, the property took on a different pallor to him. After his divorce and subsequent descent toward rock bottom, there had been hellish fights with his parents, Fraser stubbornness winning out over the other defining characteristic, their huge hearts.  The tumultuous time was book-ended with his mother’s death after being violently thrown from a horse. His father, Brian followed not six months after of a stroke, but they all knew it was of a broken heart.

 

Death itself can cause rifts, and did, but when Jaime finished university it was expected by both Jenny and Ian that he would run the whisky business. Instead he boarded a flight to India for his training and wasn’t heard from for a year. Returning from India, as a whole new person, he did reach out to them, let them know his plans, but the shoulder he was met with was razor sharp with ice. Jenny didn’t want to hear a word of it and essentially cast him out. They had since made up but their lives diverged from that point on and hadn’t re-converged since. Jaime kept in touch with Ian, his best friend, but knew Ian’s loyalty once they got married was always to his wife. Jaime’s contact grew less and less as he withdrew from their lives further. Always holding them with a dose of metta (loving kindness) in his heart, he wished them well in his mind and heart and always hoped there would be a time when acceptance and that  the unfolding of life would supercede stubbornness.

 

Six months previous, Jaime had started to text Ian again, trying to build a bridge. Always affable Ian, accepted his bids and put down wooden planks of his own to meet Jaime half way. Though not the best friends they once were, they were slowly regaining each other’s trust which would eventually lead to Ian softening Jenny ever so slightly before Jaime showed up at Lallybroch. Part of that softening was sharing little tidbits about mysterious Sassenach that Jaime seemed to be wholesale smitten with.

 

\----------------------------------------------

 

Once at Jaime’s, scratch that, _their_  flat, they sorted out lingering emotions from the schism of trust they had experienced, while knowing it would be an ongoing process. All of which was followed directly by a rousing round of make up sex.  

 

Claire’s internal body clock was wonky due to the night shifts and they left before dawn as a result. Jaime always the early riser, to work his practices, found Claire already awake, packed, ready to go, coffee in hand, face in a case study at the kitchen island, when he woke.

 

Though the drive from Glasgow to the cottage was just over two hours, they decided to make a day of the drive since they couldn’t check in until early afternoon. A pre-dawn sunrise hike  at Ben Lomond seemed to the perfect way to enter holiday mode. Starting their hike in the dark, it wasn’t clear if it was a typical Scottish day out or if the weather would smile on them. As the first lights broke, a misty haze lay over the land seeming to rise up from the earth and also to fall from the sky. The mists enveloped them and carried them up to the summit. The faintest hues of pink and orange could be seen poking out from behind the clouds until one full ray of sun rose above the horizon.

 

Claire closed her eyes and let the ray wash over her, arms outstretched, a blessing of light encircling her. Jaime was silent next to her, until a deep sigh floated from his lungs causing her to turn. He was staring at her instead of the sunrise. An odd expression colored his face and she didn’t know what to make of it. Putting his hand out to her, she melted into his chest arms wrapping around him. The sound of his racing heart thumping through her ear was unmistakable. She unconsciously went into doctor mode and counted the beats. Well over a 100, which was abnormal for him, even though they had been hiking. Pulling back, her eyes locked with his.

 

“Are you alright?”

 

“Never better, why?”

 

“You look a little strange and well, your heartbeat is off the charts.”

 

“How do ye know, did ye count again?”

 

Sheepishly, she shrugged yes, “ I can’t help it. I’m a doctor.”

 

“I’m fine, I promise. Must be raised from the hike,” he said internally losing his nerve, feeling like the guy who couldn’t get a word out right when he first tried to ask her out.

 

Getting his feet back under him on the way down, grounding himself with each step, he regained his speech and all seemed well to Claire as they continued their drive northwards. A stop in Inverary for breakfast, before finding themselves on the southern shores of Loch Awe, at their rented cottage, “The Ridge.” The obviously still in love elderly couple who rented the place showed them around. It was extremely private and as Jaime joked with them in gaelic, all of them stealing glances over at the Sassenach, Claire’s mind drifted back to their conversation in the car.

 

Noticing his far off almost glazed over expression, squeezing his hand, (he hadn’t let go since of her since they got in the car) Claire asked a question that started an unexpected series of events.

 

“Do you want children Jaime?”

 

Glancing over at her briefly before returning his eyes to focus on the road, he found her eyes cast downward, looking at their hands, not wanting meet his gaze. Bringing their hands to his mouth, he kissed the back of her hand.

 

“With you mo graigh, I want everything.”

 

A barely perceptible sniffle left her, drawing his attention, but he let her continue without acknowledging it.

 

“I...I...keep dreaming of ginger babies...but I’m not sure if I can have children. After the miscarriage, they said it is possible but unlikely because of the trauma sustained during my particular experience,” she said, letting her tears fall free of shame, but filled with hope that they were wrong.

 

“But I want them Jaime, I want you to know that I want curly haired ginger babies with your eyes.”

 

Jaime pulled off the road almost immediately and tucked them into a side lane covered by woods. He had no idea where they were and he didn’t care.

 

“Get in the back Claire.”

  
“What?!”

 

“Love, you just told me you want my babies and that is the hottest fucking thing ye have ever said to me, something primal in me was just unleashed, get in the back, I’m going to have ye now...if ye’ll have me of course.”

 

Hearing him say that she became flush with desire. Scrambling to climb over her seat, she had just settled in when Jaime opened the door to climb in and threw his body over hers. Jaime was everywhere, attacking her neck with teeth and tongue, pulling her tee shirt down from the top and catching a breast in his mouth. He was like a rabid animal, untamed, uncontrolled and merciless. Claire was soaked within a few breaths, writhing against him, looking for any type of friction as he devoured and inhaled her skin. She found the friction in an unlikely spot, feeling something in his pocket.

 

“Jaime, what is that against me?”

 

“Sassenach you know full well what my cock feels like,” he said bringing his head back down to work her nipple.

 

“No, what’s in your pocket?”

 

He froze just long enough for Claire to notice, while he tried to play it off.

 

“Oh it’s just one of those lip balms you love to tease me about.”

 

“Well take it out its bothering me, or take your pants off.”

 

She went for his pocket but he swerved, which made her suspicious.

 

Reaching for his belt buckle she said, “what is with you?”

 

Trying to distract her, he went straight for her mouth, tattooing a kiss on her mouth that would be visible on her lips for days and in her heart forever.

 

Grabbing at his jeans and wrenching them down enough to free him, she grabbed for him and encouraged him towards her with a few loving strokes. That was all it took for him to whip her yoga pants down and enter her fiercely, his jeans just at his knees restricting his range of motion just as much as the square footage of the backseat.

 

The primal desire to continue his genetic line was evident in how wild he was with her in that moment. It was another new side of them and it had Claire releasing every inhibition and her powerful voice.  Jaime tried to wiggle further out of his jeans, getting them to near his ankles. Claire was completely wrapped around him, pressing against the door for leverage as most of her body lifted up with the force of Jaime inside her. He came with a force and sound that made Claire’s bones shake before it took her with him.

 

Out of breath, he pulled her up, still connected, so that she said on his lap facing him. His head resting back along the seat. Panting she pressed her head onto his chest, trying not to unconsciously count beats again, but of course she did. Same rate as on the mountain, interesting she thought.

 

Pressing her hands into his shoulders, she sat up and kissed him with her whole heart, just before she noticed there was something digging into her knee from the seat.

 

“What is that?” she said as she moved her knee enough to get a look at the same time Jaime caught sight of it. He froze again, not able to stop Claire before she reached down and picked up the ancient ornate box emblazoned with the letter F on the outside, her eyes becoming the size of saucers.

 

“Claire, no, wait, don’t,” he said trying to grab it from her as she opened it, “Fuck.”

 

It was too late. The deep emerald and diamond ring lay inside on it’s velvet bed staring up at her.

 

“Jaime,...is this what was in your pocket?”

 

“Oh mo graigh, not like this. This is not what I planned. I...ah dhia...can we pretend you didn’t see it?”

 

She was already crying, and there was no turning back now. His jeans around his ankles, still inside her, in the back seat of his beastly vehicle was not his idea of a proposal but it was happening.

 

“Is this what I think it is?” She sobbed out.

 

A rogue hand came up to brush a curl off her still sweating face.

 

Jaime shook his head, “Leannan, I canna...I love ye so much...more than I thought possible to love another human. Thank you for taking a chance on a bumbling  man who couldn’t get words out. I canna believe I am doing this with my jeans around my ankles. Will you do me the honor of becoming my wife and wearing the ring of Lallybroch?”

 

Claire flung her arms around his neck, hugging him tight enough that he lost his breath, his arms snaking around her back.

 

“Is that a yes?”

 

Tilting back to look at him, “Yes of course, yes I will marry you,” she said before collecting his lips to hers.   
Unconsciously her hips rocked into his, and she felt him start to harden again inside her. Setting a lazy pace, her eyes locked onto his, they tried to possess each other with hands, lips, eyes, and each other’s soul.

 

\--------------------------------------------------

 

Back on the road to Loch Awe, they couldn’t stop pawing at each other over the center console. Claire, let the light catch the ring as she wiggled her fingers back and forth. It was sizeable and she wondered how she would go about wearing it everyday. Jaime seeming to read her mind, as always, addressed it without her bringing it up.

 

“Tis more elaborate and ornate, than an everyday ring, so I’d like to get ye one of those too but I wanted to propose with the ring that has been in my family for generations. The emerald matches the color of the hills around Lallybroch, ye ken, and there are epic love stories ensconced in that ring and it only seemed right to bring that energy forward into our future life.”

 

“It’s stunning Jaime and you know I would wear any ring you gave me but that is quite romantic,” she said leaning over the console kiss his neck, lightly grazing him purposefully with his teeth. “You said ‘not like this’, what did you have planned?”

 

“Well it wasna a true plan so much as I wanted it to be this week end and special. I thought about doing it the first night you were moved in but then you had this surprise planned and it seemed synchronistic. I tried this morning on the summit, but I chickened out.”

 

“I knew you were acting weird up there!”

 

“Ye caught me. I couldna get the words out. I was overwhelmed watching ye open yourself to the light. It felt like all those times I couldna talk te ye properly trying to ask ye out. I resolved to ask ye when we got to the cottage, or on another hillwalk, taking the whole weekend if need be to gather my courage.”

 

“You didn’t think I would say no, did you?”

 

“Truly, I thought it was possible. It’s not something we have talked about much. I didn’t know if ye would want to be married again...as long as we are together for life, it doesna matter I suppose, but I would like ye to be my wife. My partner in life.”

 

“Well I thought it was just perfect...just perfect for us, awkward and loving, like our whole relationship. We can tell everyone you proposed on the mountain,” she said cheekily, giving his hand a squeeze.

 

\---------------------------------------------------------------------

_Thanks for reading!_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N -I know you all were expecting the cabin, but the story did what it wanted to once I started to write and then it needed to be split into two chapters. Cabin is coming though, I promise. I’m on holiday now, hold up in a cabin in the middle of nowhere, so it shouldn’t take long to work up .


	12. Part XII

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jaime is a yoga teacher, Claire is his student. Jaime has his awkward pants on and continues to put his foot in his mouth around Claire. Claire avoids Jaime…for a while. (Originally a one shot, chapter 1 can still be read as such) 
> 
> Chapter Summary - Jaime and Claire hang out at the cottage.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Your eyes do not deceive you, this is a new chapter even though I posted XI yesterday. Happy Reading :) 
> 
> Ok major warning here. Not safe for public. It’s graphic but also not. Making a general warning is always confusing to me since everyone has such a different threshold for things. This also stretched my writing bones A LOT. And it’s hella long, so set some time aside.

 

##  _**Pain In My Asana - Part XII** _

 

The Ridge, was exactly as described in the listing, a white, stone, one bedroom cottage with a direct view of the Loch. Pines scattered about either side and the larger, main house where the owners lived was just up the lane but far enough away that there was full privacy

 

The couple invited them to dinner but they politely declined. The older man giving Jaime a knowing smile which Claire pretended she didn’t see and ignored. Too much already occupied her mind. Not only  had she just gotten engaged to the love of her life and was starting a whole new chapter, but she had a second surprise for Jaime. One that she wondered if she could pull off.

 

While Jaime cooked a vegetarian stir fry and rice, Claire prepared, unbeknownst to Jaime. He was curious as to where she had disappeared to but since she had coupled her preparation with a luxuriously hot shower, he assumed she was just taking her sweet time getting dressed.

 

Moaning her delight at the taste of the meal, Jaime had to ask her to chill out with the sounds so he could get through his meal without jumping over the table at her. His request was met with a giggle and an exaggeration of the sounds, but then realized he was going to need his strength for what was coming.

 

“Ok, ok, I’ll stop,” she said, “You’ll need your strength for what I have planned for you.”

 

That caught his attention and his head sprung up, “What on earth do ye mean?” 

 

“Oh you didn’t think just the cottage was the surprise did you?”

 

“Um, well, yes?” He stammered out, eye her cautiously.

 

“My sweet lad, you are mistaken,” she said coquettishly while removing her hair from it’s tightly wound bun.

 

His eyebrows found a new home in his hairline as he tried to figure out what was going on. The only thing he could surmise was that she was trying to seduce him. The moans while savoring her food, taking her hair down (she knew he loved it wild and free), her flirtatious voice, the giggling, all classic Claire seduction moves. Not that she had to try to hard, Jaime was always willing to join their bodies as a means to enmesh their souls further.

 

“Sassenach, are ye trying to seduce me?”

 

“Hmm, I’m not sure if that is what you would call it, exactly,” she said blushing.

 

The air of confidence she was put on was to bolster her will. She was sure Jaime could probably sense that but was playing along. Such a good sport that one. Her mind casually drifted to times when she had tried to be spontaneous or wild in her previous relationship and was met with judgement. And then just like that the thought left because she knew, without a shadow of a doubt that Jaime loved her ability to surprise him and challenge him, and judgement of her as a person, her core person, was not in his repertoire.

 

After their latest fight, it had been made clear to her that Jaime was capable of judging an action without thinking the action was the person or made the person. All previous interpersonal relationships, had failed that test, made her feel like a bad person each time she made a mistake, Jaime didn’t. Jaime wouldn’t. Realizing this, letting it click into her consciousness, her confidence was no longer her putting on airs, it was real and belly deep. Even if this experimental surprise failed miserably, he would not love her less and that was a gift she would receive again and again over their lifetime together, grateful for it each time. She could truly be herself with him.

 

“What would ye call it then?”

 

“I believe I’d call it, payback…”

 

“Claire...I’m lost.”

 

“Let me rephrase, I believe you call it a Lingam massage.”

 

His mouth dropped open and nothing came out.

 

Sound entered the silence as she said, “ That is if it is something you want to try...oh unless you’ve had one before?”

 

He just looked at her a mixture of awe, reverence, astonishment and lust. Words finally formed on his lips.

 

“I...I’ve no had one before.”

 

“Well good then, just like me and the yoni massage. Although, You’ve more experience with the yogic/tantric side of these things so there is that, but hell, I’m a doctor…” she said smiling broadly. He laughed at that.

 

“That ye are my love. I’m honored that ye would consider it. I’m in. Guide the way.”

 

“Well first I think you should finish that meal, you are going to need your strength. Then cleanse your body in the shower and I will meet you in the bedroom.”

 

He shook his head wordlessly in agreement, not taking his eyes of the wild loving nymph in front of him.

 

They were silent the rest of the meal, each in their own world. Claire could sense Jaime was preparing himself, his breath seemed to have shifted into an intentional practice, one she knew would continue for the massage.

 

Realizing he had been silent for the last long while. He gathered his legs and walked to Claire, kissed her on the forehead, then leaned down and kissed her on the mouth, letting his lips linger after, barely touching, only an electrical current jumping between their lips, his large palm came to cup her chin and then his hand rested alongside her neck, his thumb sweeping her cheek and earlobe, the rest of his fingers clasping the back of her neck. “I love ye so much,” he said barely above a whisper. “I love you too.” 

 

Rising to stand, but then thinking better of it, he leaned back down to her ear, “I canna believe I get to have ye forever, I can’t wait until ye are my wife.” Claire’s breath hitched, a tear scurried down her face, and when she looked up at him at his full height, she could see his own emotion dancing through his eyes. “I’ll see ye in a bit then…”

 

Claire knew she had a challenge on her hands. Every time intense emotion that passed through them or every time he said something like that, she wanted to jump and ravage him. In order to actually give him a lingam massage, she knew she had to keep her cool and her own erotic desires in check. Jaime did things to her, just being around him, just listening to him, just breathing next to her, and she got aroused. This was going to take some self control. I’m a doctor she told herself, I can do this.

 

Claire went to prepare the room and found Jaime still dressed and unshowered, meditating in the room. Not wanting to disturb him, she left silently and determined she would finish setting up when he went in the shower.

 

He took a millennia in the shower and she swore she heard her name but since she didn’t hear it a second time she figured he wasn’t calling her and it was in her imagination. Pulling the duvet back, and spraying the bottom sheet with a mixture of sacred essential oils (or so the woman at the shop had told her), she began to simultaneously prepare herself mentally. Massage oil, check. Water, check. Jaime’s favorite incense, check. A few candles, blindfold, soft background chants on the ipod, check, check and check. Claire changed into a loose draping white dress/shirt and went to sit where Jaime had sat until he re-emerged.

 

Visualizing the act itself calmed Claire and empowered her. Excitement built in her as she regulated her diaphragmatic breath. A deep sense of love washed over her as her system calmed with the use of her breath. Love for herself, calling back to her own Yoni massage and love for Jaime and his entire being. By the time he emerged from the shower she couldn’t wait to give to him and watch him receive.

 

“Claire…” Jaime said quietly, both wanting to disturb her and not. She looked so angelic when she meditated. It was one of his favorite sights. Really anything Claire did could be one of his favorite sights, but when she meditated, she took on an otherworldly presence that was hard to explain.

 

Opening her eyes slowly, she took him in. Towel clad, seemingly calm, a little shyness sheathing him making him almost demure. “Were you calling me in the shower?” His body flushed. “No...why?” I thought I heard you calling to me but then when you say didn’t my name again, I figured you didn’t need anything.”   
“I...uh...you might have heard your name…” beet purple crossing his face, “I...ehrm...I got aroused in the shower thinking about you and what you are offering to me and I...uh...I had to take care of it, in order to be able to receive in this context.”

 

Claire held back a giggle and gave him broad grin, “ I see...well I’m flattered...and also happy that you are taking receiving seriously and in the spirit that it is meant from me.”

 

“Oh aye, I am. Can I ask ye how ye came to learn about a lingam massage? I ken I didn’t mention it when I gave ye the Yoni massage.”

 

“After you gave me that incredible gift of yoni, I did some reading on it. My doctor mind wanted to know more, the mechanics of it, if there was research on the psycho emotional effects of it that I experienced and the history or it. My intellectual self needed to catch up with my physical and emotional self. In each source I read, the lingam was referenced to as the male “equivalent” practice, so I went down a rabbit hole on it and did some more reading.”

 

“Oh, wow. I canna believe ye had time for that!”

 

“Never underestimate the will of a doctor to learn more about the human body,” she said with a flirtatious laugh.

 

“So ye really know what yer doing then?”

 

“Well no, not really, as I’ve never done it before, but I am confident that with the reading and our connection and communication, it’ll be very interesting...I have to ask...do you want to set any ground rules? You know there is a prostate stimulation option right? How do you feel about that? I also have a blindfold for you, they say it is helpful in focusing in on sensation and pleasure.”

 

“I trust ye with my life, my pleasure and my soul. Do what feels right in the moment and I’ll tell ye if I want ye to change or stop something or if it doesn’t feel good. Deal?”

 

“Deal.”

 

Claire blindfolded Jaime and led him to the bed, his towel fell by the wayside. The man was stunning. Every ounce of him was muscle exemplifying the power of dedication to the yogic practices.

 

“Jaime...I love you and I am honored to give this practice to you.” His breath hitched. Normally his first instinct would be to reach out touch her, but he held back, trying to honor the care with which she was proceeding.

 

“I love ye too. I trust you. I am willing to receive.”

 

Jaime laid down on his belly as Claire prepared the massage oil. His whole back body would receive proper attention first before moving to the front body and then eventually to the “wand of light.”

 

By the time Claire reached his arse, he had started to squirm. No doubt from the erection underneath him. Reminding him to return to his breath, as she demonstrated with her own, he chuckled. “I canna believe ye are having to remind me to work with my breath, christ that is a switch.” But he listened and wiggled around less, his whole body finding a more relaxed albeit not less aroused state.

 

Guiding him to turn over, his cock obviously happy to be free of restriction moved of its own accord. Thumbs grinding into his temples, as her fingers swooped over his face and through his hair, a visible shiver ran down his body. He was fully under her power and it emboldened her to see him submit so fully to her.

 

Fingers gliding over his collar bones, pressing into his shoulders as he had done many times with her, he relaxed one more layer, feet flopping wide open.  Working shoulders to fingertips, each square inch of his flesh got the attention of her finger pads and their varying pressure.

 

Sitting behind his head, her arms traced from each of his hands up to his shoulders, pressing down and then across his chest and down his stomach to each hip bone. Palms resting on his hip bones, he shuddered. “Bringing yourself back to your breath,” she intoned.

 

Jaime’s nipples were as erect as his cock. Her hands dragged back up his body, adding her nails for good measure before focusing in on his nipples, a part of his body she loved but never got to spend enough time on. He was extremely sensitive and any time she spent long there, she would immediately find herself flipped over on her back with him between her legs. But now, with all the time in the world, no rush to get to orgasm, only to experience pure sensation, pleasure and  to receive, he stayed where he was, letting her do what she wished and what she knew would bring him pleasure. Breath began to leave his body with deep moans. When the moans became a grunt, she stopped and released sensation. She knew she could orgasm from touch like this alone and she wondered if it was the same for him. It sure looked like it, he looked on the brink. The release of her touch allowed him to descend the crescendo of sensation.

 

Taking a breath to tune into his energy and her own, she moved to his feet and worked her way up his legs until she was resting between his legs and ready to commence part 2.

 

“How are you doing Jaime?’

 

“Never better love, truly. Don’t stop.”

 

Claire beckoned him too lift his hips and placed a pillow underneath, coaxing his knees and legs wider to allow her better access.

 

Hands separated from his body, while they re-situated, her first touch to his hip bones made him flinch. Adding pressure and her nails, she dragged her digits up along his inner thighs to his knees. Adding a healthy dose of oil across his lower abdomen and pubic bone, she began in earnest. Matching the steady pace of his breath, joining her energy with his, watching his jaw and the muscles of his arms and hands for any signs of tension as she stepped into the sacred space of sexual energy.

 

Claire had read that lingam translates loosely to “wand of light,” so she envisioned his gorgeous appendage as such, a beautiful white light surrounding it. Placing her oiled hands on his length, she lubricated his sacred temple before drawing the oil down to his balls. She spent some time there, cupping, pulling, fondling, massaging. When his breath rose and got short, she moved on. Tracking his entire body response to her movements and attentions.

 

Slipping into doctor mode to slake her own lust at see him like this, laid out before her, completely hers, trust all encompassing, she moved to massage his perineum, his pubic bone, and his inner thighs. Looking at his face, she could tell he was concentrating and trying very hard, and was not at all relaxed.

 

“Jaime, let go of the tension. I can see you are trying really hard. Allow it to be what it is, receive.”

 

“I’m trying ye ken, it’s just that it’s so intense Claire and ye havena even gotten to the best parts yet.”

 

“Do you want me to stop?”

 

“Naw.”

 

“It’s ok to let yourself go, you know this isn’t about getting off but it’s also ok if you do. Relax into it, use your breath and you can talk to me too...if can or want to.”

 

“Sassenach, it’s so hard to receive, I ken now more about the yoni I gave to ye, I dinna ken how ye did it. I canna be with ye like this and not want to touch ye, devour ye, be inside ye…”

 

Letting him talk, she moved to his shaft, alternating hands and pressure, from base to tip,removing her hands completely between each stroke.

 

“I didna realize how much my pleasure is tied to yer own..”

 

Listening, but also focusing intently on her task, she alternated between vary speeds, pressure and hand positions. Stroking from root to tip, one hand in one direction, the other in the opposite. Reversing the direction, tip to root. Using a twisting action, then twisting at the top while drawing her other hand up and down, drawing hands together in center for opposite directions. Every variation she could think of or remember reading about she did, all the while listening to him and trying to stay in tune with him while he rambled, his filter completely gone.

 

“Christ, ye really did read up didn’t ye…” he gasped realizing how new some of her movements felt.

 

Bringing him up the mountain only to bring him down again, she brought him to his peak over and over but didn’t let him fall, just as he had done to her.

 

“I canna wait to live our lives together…fuck, how many hands do ye have…”

 

He descended into a string of gaelic curses before all coherent words left him as she brought him to the edge again and then removed all effort and hands. “Breath love, ride the wave,” she encouraged.

 

Breath regulating, his body shook with the intensity of the wave. He went from rock hard to semi hard after the wave passed (which she knew was a likely result of the practice, even without orgasm).

 

Taking a breath herself, reconnecting with the intention of the practice with her hands firmly on his thighs, she exhaled love and pure divine energy towards him. Moving with renewed intention her attentions focused on his sacred spot, the prostate. Finding the small indentation between between the balls and the arse, she gave slight pressure stimulating it from the outside. Jaime took a whale sized inhalation

 

“Too much?”

 

“Nay, it feels good.”

 

Though Jaime and Claire had had a voracious and experimental sex life in the short time they had been together, this is not something they had played with. The doctor in Claire was very curious. The lover in Claire wanted to give him only pleasure. The adventureress in Claire wanted to see how far she could push him. The future wife in Claire wanted to love him with every particle of her being.

 

Alternating pressure, massaging and then adding a hand back to the wand of light, he got closer yet still, until she released him again. Knowing that there was likely only so much more he could take, she heaped even more oil on him, massaged his opening before sticking her finger in his arse. Though the prostate can sometimes be hard to find, she was a doctor after all and went right for it at the anterior wall. Giving a come hither motion for a few breaths when he yelled at her stop.

 

“Stop, I canna. Claire I need your lips on mine.”

 

Claire acquiesced, doing what he needed in the moment. His body still slick with oil and sweat, she crawled up to meet him, placing her lips gently on his. He was not so gentle. Opening his mouth fully, he took hers all the way in his, lashing her mouth with his tongue before flipping her over so fast that she didn’t know what was happening until he thrust himself inside her in one swoop and came apart deep inside her with an animalistic scream.  

 

She lifted his blindfold with one finger, as his body spasmed over her, a tear shone on his cheek and one in his eye dancing to fall down his cheek.

 

He collapsed, exhausted, satiated, loved, spent.

 

Just before he drifted off to dreamland, he took Claire’s hand, kissed her open palm, expressed his gratitude and love and fell asleep mid sentence for ten hours straight.

 

Claire unable to sleep, partially in shock from how the massage had ended, not what she had planned or expected. The force of his undoing, inside her no less, had been emotional for her as well. The sheer energy of it had overwhelmed her. It was one stroke of pure power and light. Feeling his warmth spill out inside her, all she could think was, I can’t wait to make this man a father. Once again speechless at her desires to have everything with this incredible person who loved her fully for her whole self.

 

Filled with every emotion she had access to, she watched Jaime for what seemed like hours and might have been. Watched him sleep, watched him breathe, watched him smile in his sleep, watched him reach out for her over and over but never waking. Several hours later, Claire’s body and mind finally decided to join him in sleep land.

 

\-------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Wetness, all she could feel was wetness. Her head thrashed side to side as she tried to figure out where she was and if she was awake, alive or asleep. Breath leaving her, she realized the answer was somewhere in between. In between...what is in between my legs...oh...her brain said as she woke up all the way with a start and propped up on her elbows immediately to see red curls below her waist.

 

“Jaime, what the…”

 

Rotating his head so that his multi day stubble rubbed against her, before his chin came to rest on her lower abdomen.

 

“Good morning Sassenach,” he said with a devilish grin on his face before he sneakily thrust a finger inside of her, looking her straight in the eye.

 

“Fuck...what the...Jaime...I...ahh don’t stop…” she gasped out as he found her interior soft flesh. Grinning as she rolled her head back to the pillow and bucked her hips, his mouth returned to her making quick work of the tension build up from last night’s activities.

 

“Um, thank you, good morning, I love you,” Claire said laughingly, when she came to.

 

Jaime chuckled, “ same love, same.”

 

Jaime looked positively spry as his gaze washed over Claire. Claire ravished and boneless in the morning was one of the many things  he loved about sharing a bed with her.

 

“Come, let’s eat and go exploring,” he said pulling her naked form off the bed and into an embrace, kissing her crown.

 

_\--------------------------------------------------_

 

_Thanks for reading!_

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N - This chapter was close to 5k works so I split it with the next one. I’ll also be hiding in my cottage on vacation scared of your responses but send them anyways :) They are always welcome. 
> 
> I also thought I might have accidentally deleted a few lines but now I can’t figure out if it happened or not. If you see anything a miss like maybe a paragraph missing, let me know. 


	13. Part XIII

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Story Summary - 
> 
> Jaime is a yoga teacher, Claire is his student. Jaime has his awkward pants on and continues to put his foot in his mouth around Claire. Claire avoids Jaime…for a while. 
> 
> Chapter Summary - 
> 
> Loch Awe weekend conclusion and Jaime and Claire move in together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N - This is a bridge chapter that I wrote partially on holiday and partially jetlagged, so please excuse any typos and such that I may have missed in my editing. As always the story did what it wanted to do, not what I thought it was going to do. Writing is such an interesting practice.

 

 

 

##  _**Pain In My Asana - Part XIII** _

 

Jaime was extra touchy feely as they explored the banks of Loch Awe, she might even venture to say he was being clingy.

 

They stopped at a particularly flat spot to do a short meditation and yoga practice, which led to Jaime getting splashed and Claire getting playfully chased down the shore line before being caught and thrown over Jaime’s shoulder in a fit of giggles.

 

Jaime’s lingam experience colored their conversation. She encouraged him to share whatever he wished which turned out to be  every facet  of it. Each time she had brought him near to completion, he had released a piece of pain, not unlike what Claire experienced. The sleep had rejuvenated him and he was filled with lightness but knew like with any practice there would be ripples and waves to come, seen and unseen over months and even years.

 

Returning to the cottage for lunch, Jaime ran up to the owner’s house up the lane, while Claire showered. He claimed to have a question about something in the area, but his face said that wasn’t really the case.

 

Visiting Kilchurn Castle ruins, and roaming aimlessly, they discussed their future life together. Imagining and setting intentions with equal weight. Speaking frankly about what they wished, what they were afraid of and thinking through how each of them handled challenges. Jaime said it was their version of the pre-cana (a catholic  practice of pre-wedding counseling) since he wasn’t religious but more spiritual now.

 

Seeming to ramble around the area, Claire was lost in thought while Jaime drove. Jaime stopped at a small shop that seemed to appear out of nowhere.

 

“We’re here.”

 

“Where’s that? What now?”

 

“It’s a jewelry maker.”

 

Claire looked at Jaime with love and confusion. Taking her hand he pulled her out of the car into an embrace before walking to the little stone faced shop. It looked like a converted barn or some other ancient farm structure.

 

The tiny shop was helmed by another older couple (were there any young people in this area?)  that had an energy of tried and true love about them. The woman was busy at work drawing up a design while the man was cutting some sort of metal. A team effort, clearly.

 

Claire’s eyes widened when they walked in, seeing all the handmade rings.

 

They smiled looking at Claire and Jaime.

 

“Loves, what can we do for ye?”

 

“We need some rings made and the Fitzgibbons of The Ridge sent me,” Jaime said.  

 

“Ah lovely couple those Gibs. We’ve known them for dogs years. What did ye have in mind?”

 

Claire’s left hand rested on the glass case looking into it, when the woman caught sight of her new adornment.

 

“It looks like ye already have a ring there lass...is that...is that the Lallybroch ring?”

 

“Oh aye it is.”

 

“Are ye a Fraser then?”

 

“James Alexander Malcolm MacKenzie Fraser at your service,” he said, dipping his head in a slight bow.

 

“Ye canna be…John...get yerself over here and clap your eyes on Brian and Ellen’s boy.”

 

Her husband scurried over, face awash in disbelief. Heartily shaking Jaime’s hand and eyeing him from toes to crown.

 

“Sorry, ye kent my parents?”

 

“Oh aye,” she said shaking her head in the affirmative before her husband spoke.

 

“Yer ma’am was in my arts classes at university, lovely lass. Yer Da had a class nearby that ended earlier than hers and he always used to wait for her outside. We all grew to talking one day and Mary and I ended up double dating with them a bit and became great friends. We recognize the ring because of yer Da’s proposing, we were at their engagement do and wedding. We were sae sorry to hear of their passing.”  

 

“Thank ye, they are greatly missed,” Jaime squeaked out, astonished at what was transpiring. Another synchronistic moment to add to the pile.

 

A not uncomfortable silence fell over the shop, as Mary clasped hands with John and leaned into him both beaming at Jaime. Claire tucked her hand into Jaime’s and gave him a squeeze and a look that said, I love you and I am here. Claire had watched this scene unfold silently but with a deep curiosity. The  highlands must be a really small place she thought.

 

“So then, what do ye need lad?”

 

“This is Claire, my betrothed of not two days…”

 

“Mealaibh ur naidheachd!!” Mary and John said together.

 

“Hi, nice to meet you,” she said.

 

“A sassenach eh?”

 

“Aye,” he said, giving Claire a jovial grin, “her Englishness doesna bother me so much anymore.”

 

Claire jabbed him in the side with her elbow, “Hey!”

 

Jaime kissed her temple with a giggle and a hip check.

 

“Claire is a surgeon and I’d like to give her more of an everyday ring. The Lallybroch ring is exquisite but it’s no an everyday ring if ye ken my meaning.”

 

“Aye, tis true, it’s stunning but hard to wear in the everyday of this world.”

 

“I told him I would wear any ring he gives me,” she said, “But I do take his point, it is rather...large.”

 

“Are ye talking about just wedding rings then? Or a second engagement ring?”

 

“Hmm, I dinna ken...Claire?”

 

“Wait wot, are we buying wedding rings right now?”

 

“If ye want...yes.”

 

Claire’s mind was spinning. She had barely absorbed the fact that Jaime had proposed and now they were buying rings from a jeweler who happened to know is deceased parents. It was too much.

 

“Jaime, can I see you outside for a minute.”

 

“Of course love.”

 

Giving their regards to the couple, saying they would be right back, they stepped outside.

 

Claire took in the crisp air and started to pace. Jaime watched her trying to figure out what was up. Her face was wretched in turmoil as she tried to catch her breath.

 

“Claire?”

 

“Jaime it’s too much. I...we just got engaged yesterday...we’ve only been dating four months....I want to spend my life with you, I do...I don’t have any doubts but it’s starting to feel like we are barreling down a tunnel with no brakes and I’m freaking out.”

 

Walking over to her and grabbing her shoulders to still her, he brought his forehead to hers, breathing audibly at a steady pace so that she could join him and calm herself before he spoke.

 

“I understand,” he said quietly, “we can slow it down, of course we can.  Although, we’ve known each other a lot longer than four months, even though that’s how long we have been dating. We were friends before, and before that we knew each other fine enough from class and the neighborhood, but I take your meaning. I shouldn’t have rushed it given your past. I get it, truly I do, but I was just so excited and I canna believe you said yes, and to be honest, I canna wait to wear a ring that came from you and I would do that today if you’d let me,” shrugging his shoulders with a grin.

 

Claire just looked at him and for the millionth time thought this man cannot be real.

 

“When you say things like that, it makes forget my own name and every fear I have ever had or ever will have...this will sound funny but, how about we get YOU an engagement ring?”

 

“Really? Is that a thing that people do?”

 

“I have no idea but it doesn’t matter what other people do, it matters what we do. We get to create our own little world as you have been telling me all weekend while we vision our life together, let’s vision this too.”

 

“Well in that case, let’s do it. Let’s get us both simple engagement rings for everyday and talk about wedding things another day.”

 

It was only later that Claire realized why Jaime was so intent on a ring as soon as possible. Besides being head over heels with her and wanting to be married to a true partner, he wanted to make sure every person that walked into his class knew he was taken without him having to tell them or rebuff their advances. Though he would never say such a thing, she knew it to be true. Given recent and past events, she couldn’t blame him on that front and even appreciated the gesture. She knew not everyone was stopped by a ring but Jaime for one took it very seriously and hoped others would as well. Claire secretly wondered what the blond brigade would think when he showed up in two days time wearing a ring, her guess was probably nothing. Jaime probably had other hopes and ideas.

 

Back in the shop, the four of them worked on the two rings all afternoon. Collaborating on such a symbolic item with a couple who had been married so long, who happened to know his parents and were devoted to each other and their craft had been an unforgettable experience. In the end they both obtained two unique rings that foreshadowed the melding of their lives together.

 

An intricate celtic design weaving together two rings was the outcome for Jaime. One an engagement ring, and the other his wedding ring. The puzzle like ring interlocked to create a symbol of two lives, two people and even two cultures coming together to intertwine and create a marriage.

 

Similar in idea, two rings that would interlock when they wed, Claire’s “engagement” band was hammered, then etched with a thistle pattern, a small inlaid purple amethyst stone as the center of each. The wedding ring, a delicate vine of the thistle, that could be worn alone or locked into the engagement ring completed the thistle design. Most importantly it could easily be worn with The Lallybroch Ring when she chose to wear all three.

 

Mary and John worked tirelessly over the following 36 hours to create their rings before they left the highlands, somehow finishing them in time for Claire and Jaime to pick them up before they headed home.

 

At first the idea was for each to wear the other’s ring and then exchange them at the wedding, returning the puzzle piece to each other, but Jaime’s hand size presented a problem for the romantic idea. Getting creative, they bought chains and with the intention to wear each other’s wedding ring next to their heart until they exchanged them on their wedding day. A barely visible surprise inscription on each ring would be revealed to each other as they said their vows that day.

 

Claire and Jaime stopped at the romantic, deserted Falls of Falloch en route back to Glasgow and exchanged the rings in an impromptu, intentional sacred ceremony just for themselves. The water thundered past them as them as they put the wedding rings on each others chains and allowed them to hang just at the heart before exchanging the engagement part of the puzzle rings. Jaime’s tears fell silently as his breath all but stopped as Claire placed the ring on his left ring finger. To him, this would always be their true wedding, by the falls, just the two of them, in nature, exchanging vows from the heart without intending to. Vows that no one would ever hear but the two of them, nature and the creator.

 

\--------------------------------------------------------

 

Returning from their trip well loved and excited to start their lives together, they faced the task of moving Claire. Luckily since Claire lived with Geillis and didn’t have to fuss with a landlord, they could take their time as their schedule allowed, not that Claire had many material things to begin with. She took very little from her marriage with Frank and had traveled light in her life with Lamb before that.

 

The minute she stepped into the flat, Geillis rushed over to her and took a gander at her hand.

 

“Are ye...are ye engaged?!”

 

“Aye, we are,” Jaime said when Claire couldn’t get a word out because Geillis was hugging the breath out of her.

 

“I’m sae happy ye two got it together,” she joked, smirking at both of them.

 

“Did you know?!” Claire said shooting Jaime a look.

 

“Oh aye, the fox texted me to say he might propose to ye if I dinna think it was too early and rash.”

 

“Thank you Geillis, we couldn’t have done it without you. You have helped us both in so many ways and I know you have been cheering Jaime on from the sidelines. I cannot ever repay you for how much you have done for me since my life fell apart up until this point where it is put back together.” Claire beamed back at her.

 

“That’s what friends are for! When is the wedding? Oh I must throw ye an engagement party! I’ll invite everyone, it will be fantastic!” Geillis crowed.

 

“No date yet, and let’s hold off on the party, Jaime and I need to figure things out first and we have to get me moved and make sure we don’t kill each other in the process,” she smirked at Jaime who did nothing but radiate warmth back at her.

 

“As ye sae Claire, but don’t put me off too long or I’ll throw ye a surprise one when ye least expect it.”

 

Claire rolled her eyes, “Fine,” full well knowing that Geillis would likely make it a surprise anyways, the woman loved surprises and thought everyone else did too.

 

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Claire’s disheveled boxes piled in Jaime’s car clunked and clamored on the short drive to  ~~his~~  their flat. The packing job was not her finest hour but she wanted to bring over the essentials for her first night “living” there. Unlocking the door, with her own key, Jaime just behind her, arms full of boxes, she took a deep breath and stepped in. Though they had been away just a few days, her attention was immediately drawn to a changes in the flat. Jaime put the boxes down on the kitchen island as Claire stood there, eyes wandering, mouth silent.

 

“Welcome home,” he said stepping behind her and resting his chin on her shoulder, snaking his arms around her waist, kissing the side of her neck, just under her ear.

 

“Is it my imagination or have there been some changes since we left?”

 

“Ah lass, I canna ever get one over on ye, can I?”He chuckled. 

 

She shook her head no, bringing her hands to rest on his in front of her womb.

 

“My godfather, Murtagh, he put up the bookshelves while we were away. I asked him to, knowing a significant portion of your worldly belongings are books.”

 

Claire turned in his arms to face him, “You beautiful, beautiful man, could you be anymore romantic?”

 

“I can try,” he laughed, sealing his lips over hers, “Hold that thought, let me get the last of the boxes, then we can get settled. While I’m doing that why don’t you see if there are any changes in the bedroom,” he said cheekily.

 

Jaime knew that all of the furniture in Claire’s room in fact belonged to Geillis, so he had bought her a tasteful dresser she had pointed out casually in a shop one time. Luckily Jaime was a minimalist so there was plenty of space for Claire and her things in the flat. 

 

Claire milled around the room and opened the wardrobe and her mouth dropped when she saw that Jaime had also cleared space for her there too. It was a simple gesture but one that filled Claire with immense emotion. Jaime and Geillis were the only ones that had ever cleared and created space for her, made her feel welcome, or gone out of their way to show by their actions that there was room for her. Even Lamb hadn’t done that. He had loved her for sure, but she lived life on the terms of his life traipsing around the world from dig to dig, often feeling invisible in the male dominated culture in which he was a part. And Frank was the same, everything was on his terms, mirroring her life with Lamb in ways that she had not noticed because they seemed similar and she thought that was normal. Being with Jaime had shown her a different way, and each small action (what he considered small) in fact was huge for her, teaching her, each in their own small part, a different way to live and love.

 

Jaime found her in a heap on the floor staring at the wardrobe, quietly shaking. He didn’t say a word, simply enveloped her body with his and held her, stable and unwavering.

 

“Jaime...I...I am honored in the way you have shown me that you are making space for me. It may seem simple, but I already feel more at home here with you than I have anywhere in my whole life...Thank you.”

 

“Shhhh, sassenach, I’m here, you’ll always have a home with me,” he whispered kissing her hair.

 

\-------------------------------------------------------

 

Jaime sat on the couch, watching Claire take books out of the boxes, flip through them, reading a favorite passage aloud to him, before she closed her eyes and took in the words she had read, then place each book with reverence on the shelf. Awash in disbelief that this woman was going to become his wife, he stayed quiet and let the scene before him dance over him like the first rays of dawn. This was a happiness he had never known could exist.

 

Several hours later, all of Claire’s books had found their new home. Hands on hips she stared at the shelves and marveled at how many books they collectively owned. Turning she saw Jaime watching her has he had been for the last few hours. His gaze wasn’t exactly lustful but more curious and content with a hint of awe. Claire knew it wouldn’t take much to shift it into the lust side and she intended to make that happen.

 

Without a word she walked towards him and straddled him on the couch. Automatically his hands came to her hips. Absent of preamble, her lips crashed into his. A gentle kiss turned feral in seconds. Lost in each other, hands grabbing, scratching, pinching, writhing against each other neither heard the door open.

 

“Errhmmm (throat clearning)...Jaime lad…”

 

Hearing his name not from Claire’s lips his head pulled back from hers. She gave him a look that said WTF, before he pointed with his chin behind her. Slowly she turned.

 

“Ye must be Claire then…,” Murtagh said meeting her eyes, as Jaime stifled a giggle at Claire’s growing blush, while noticing his lip was bleeding from her “nibbles.” 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If anyone reading is an artist and wants to draw these rings, I'd be super into that! :) 
> 
> Thank you for reading and honoring me with your time!


	14. Part XIV

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jaime is a yoga teacher, Claire is his student. Jaime has his awkward pants on and continues to put his foot in his mouth around Claire. Claire avoids Jaime…for a while. (Started as a one shot but I was convinced to continue)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N - Buckle up, this is a long one. Some nsfw.

 

_**Pain In My Asana - Part XIV** _

 

“Uh, hi, I’m Claire,” she said rising from her compromised position in Jaime’s lap, turning around and reaching out to shake the stranger’s hand.

 

Jaime immediately wished Claire had not stood up from his lap and promptly replaced her with a pillow in his lap until he could settle himself.

 

“Murtagh, Jaime’s godfather,” he said shaking her hand, his eyes intent on hers, before giving her a once over, “glad to finally meet ye.”

 

“Likewise, thank you so much for the bookshelves and things around here making me feel at home, it was such a welcome surprise.”

 

“You’re welcome lass, anything for Jaime. Thank god ye finally said yes to a date with him, I thought the lad was going to lose his mind...”

 

“That’s enough of that Murtagh,” Jaime growled out as Claire giggled.

 

A dram and many laughs later, Murtagh, left them on their own for their first night of cohabitation.

 

\------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

One month after the engagement and moving in together, Claire was met at the door after work by Jaime and a dozen red roses. Although exhausted and dead on her feet, the surprise was welcome. The previous week had been a full on mess, not even a hot mess. A week filled with fights, schedules that didn’t match, and exhaustion  that made Claire wonder if they were going to make it, how the whole meshing their lives together thing was going to sort out. Jaime had cooked, cleaned the whole flat and managed to make the tension in her melt away with arms that embraced her in apology and optimism. 

 

In her last session, Claire’s therapist had asked her to consider  three questions when she found herself in the heat of rage or a “silly” fight with Jaime.  _ What is this really about for me, why am I really angry? Am I projecting? Is this a left over pattern from the past?  _ In the heat of the moment, the questions always disappeared but when she had time to reflect, they were extremely helpful in reframing arguments and mining the truth of matters. 

 

Jaime had been extremely supportive of the therapeutic exploration of her psyche. He helped when he could, he mirrored when he could, and most of all he listened...usually. The tension fights of transition and learning how to live with another person, fulltime, who actually cared about her, were exacerbated by being ships that were passing in the night and not enough quality time with each other, on of each of their love languages. 

 

Finally, they would have the chance the next day, a full day together with nothing on the books. Jaime decided it would start that night, hence the food and flowers. They ate a luxuriously long meal, sharing what they had missed with each other that week, which included some items from therapy for Claire. Communication while living in the same space continued to be a process for them. Even though they had spent so much time at each other’s flats since they got together, sharing the space all of the time was different and had a learning curve on it, that included a shift in the  the strong interdependence characteristics they both displayed. 

 

Though Jaime and Claire’s physical connection was a way they came back to each other, to reconnect, they found that quality time of any kind, talking, snuggling, reading together, sitting in meditation, practicing together, all of it was a way to bring them back to each other after dispersing their energy out in the world for other people, both being caregivers. In their flat, everything was for the two of them and they worked hard to make it so, riding all the bumps, hills and valleys along the way. 

 

Claire woke the next morning to Jaime staring at her, watching her sleep. He loved when he got caught in the act of watching her. She squirmed but loved it and the shy endearing look on her face when she caught him pulled at his heart strings over and over, strumming the melody of deep soul love. 

 

“Claire...let’s get married.” 

 

“...What do you mean? We are getting married.”

 

“I mean let’s just do it. This week, let’s get married. We can still do a big party or whatever, but let’s get married, just me and you.”

 

Claire sat up filled with conflicting emotions. Was she ready? Was this a good idea? What would their friends say? His family? (Most of which she had still yet to meet.) Did he mean going to the registrar? Overriding it all, was the feeling of sheer joy. 

 

“Are you serious?”

 

“As serious as the day I asked you, as serious as the exchange of our rings by the falls, and as serious as I can’t wait to be your husband.”

 

“We don’t have to tell anyone, it can be for us, and we can have a big to do for everyone else sometime in the future, but you and I will already be married in the eyes of the law and in Scottish tradition if you will agree.”

 

“What do you mean in the Scottish tradition?”

 

“Have ye heard of handfasting? It’s an old tradition, Gaelic vows, tying a bind of our hands, and...a blood oath.” 

 

“A blood oath...I...people still do that...that doesn’t sound...hygienic?” 

 

“It’s rare, but so is our connection and I want to honor us in that way, if ye’ll agree...Murtagh can do that part for us, the ceremony that is. He doesna need to know about the legal wedding too.” 

 

“Can I think about this?” 

 

“Of course Sassenach, take yer time. Ye ken I would wait for ye forever, if I had to. Even with our settling in period and this week and all the ups and downs, I have never been more grateful or happy in my time on this earth. To have ye here everyday, to be building this life with ye, it is more than I could have ever dreamed.”

 

With that she wrapped herself around him, kissing him slowly with her whole heart, letting him gently slide into her with his morning hardness. Languidly loving each other, rocking back and forth with each other, eyes locked, bodies intertwined on their sides, each breathing each other’s breath. Joining again and again, confirming they were made for each other. 

 

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

One week later, Claire found herself clad in a simple cream chiffon dress with a delicate lace overlay and a fitted bodice bordered with a ribbon at the waist, walking through town hall to meet Jaime . Although more appropriate for a fancy garden party than the wedding to man of her dreams, it had jumped off the rack to her in the first shop she looked at. She planned to get nothing more than a slip dress or suit of sorts, but she saw it and knew. 

 

At first thought, Claire didn’t think Jaime was serious about the impromptu wedding, but later that day, he produced the documents that showed he had already put everything in motion, almost from the day they got back from the highlands. (Needing 29 days notice in Glasgow to get married) By the time he showed them to her, she had already decided they should go for it, but it overwhelmed her that he had taken such foresight to get the ball rolling.  _ This man. _

 

Claire nervously rounded the corner to walk towards the office when she caught sight of him leaning against the wall, arms crossed, waiting for her. She wasn’t sure who gasped first. His arms came down by his sides, his jaw slacked open and he stood stock still staring at her, looking her up and down. Claire with barely anymore wits about her, felt her belly start to tense, and heat immediately pool just below where her dress flared out. 

 

A kilt. Holy fuck, he was wearing a kilt, she yelled at herself in her head. Having never seen him in one, nor known that he owned one, her knees started to wobble. Overcome by the desire to drag him into the toilet and lift both their dangling garments and ravage him, she tried to will herself to move as her desire made itself known so intensely, she was sure he would be able to smell her as she stepped closer. 

 

One step, two, then one more, and they were close enough to touch. Her hand reached out to brush the tear that dangled on his cheek. 

 

“Jaime...I….” 

 

“Me too, Claire....ye take my breath away, ye look stunning,” he said taking her hand from his cheek and winding it together with his, a heat burning through their palms and fingers at their joining point. 

 

“You look so beautiful Jaime...Where have you been hiding that?” she asked motioning to his kilt. 

 

“Murtagh held onto it for me. I had to tell him ye ken, I couldn’t have had it hanging in our closet. Plus he knew something was happening when I asked him about the handfasting, but he’ll no say a word.” 

 

Unable to resist him, she crashed her body into his and pressed him up against the wall in a searing kiss. 

 

Pulling back, she said, “Let’s go do this before I drag you into the closet and have my way with you. I have never wanted you more. The kilt is doing things to me.” 

 

When he picked up his jaw from the floor, he chuckled and said, “I know mo nighean donn, I can tell...and I feel the same.”

 

Claire looked at the time on her phone, they had time before their appointment,  she said “fuck it,” and dragged him forcefully by the hand into the one person toilet she had seen on her way in the building. Caught by surprise, it took him a minute to realize what was happening. As Claire dragged him in, the click of the lock of the door brought him to enough to catch her when she jumped on him. His bride to be was feral, ravenous, clawing at him, not wasting any time dragging her hands up under his kilt.

 

A deep groan seeped from her mouth as she found nothing but flesh underneath. The force with which she grabbed his length made him yelp, his back pressed deeper into the wall. Dazed with lust by the wild animal that was to become his wife, he tried to gain use of his hands to loosen the zipper of her dress, to free her upper body.

 

He gained the upper hand with a bite to her neck, he turned her, pressed her back against the cold wall, a shiver flew down her body, her nipples reacted. Jaime’s mouth came to her throat, his teeth found purchase, he sucked and kissed her below the earlobe, down the neck, to the point of her clavicle, down the center of her chest. In one swipe of his tongue he collected his future wedding ring in his mouth, (hanging on the chain at her heart) he dragged it to her breast, rolling it in his mouth as he toyed with her nipple. The pressure and sensation of the metal and his tongue, elicited a cross between a groan and a shriek. Pleased by the response, he gave the same treatment to her other breast, squeezing the nipple of the other when he switched. It was almost too much for her and the writhing against the wall was fierce enough that she would be bruised. 

 

“Enough, I can’t take it anymore,” she breathed out, rucking up her skirt, reaching out under his kilt and guiding him to her flooded opening. Tangled in fabric, they frantically joined. Jaime held her up as her legs squeezed around his hips, locking him in position. He thrust up into her with a ferocity usually reserved for make up sex. With the senses that heightened and the arousal at it’s peak before they even started, it didn’t take long for them to fall apart inside each other. The force of which made it a miracle that they didn’t collapse on the washroom floor in a heap of cloth. 

 

Each reeling from coming undone, they were silent as their breath tried to find it’s natural pace. Foreheads slick together with sweat, Jaime kissed her, licked the sweat slowly of her shoulder and they both pulled back and giggled. Releasing her to let her legs land on the floor, he helped her stand straight up, her wobbly knees buckling under her weight making it difficult. Blue and whisky meeting, they both shrugged and laughed some more as they started to fix themselves up, trying as hard as they could to look like a couple about to get married instead of one that just furiously shagged in the washroom. A challenge in their state. 

 

\-----------------------------------------------------------

 

Claire made sure the coast was clear, they stepped out of the washroom and proceeded to their marriage appointment. Wrapped up in each other, they arrived, presented their paperwork, never losing physical connection as they stood before the justice of the peace, ready to pledge themselves to each other in the eyes of the law. 

 

The ceremony lasted all of five minutes. The words of the law were said, (the words of their heart would be said later at the hand fasting), rings that had comfortably made a home at their hearts were removed from their chains, each read aloud the inscription they had chosen for the other,  _ “je suis prêt” _ (unknowingly both choosing Jaime’s ancient family clan motto as a symbol of their readiness to join and for whatever lay ahead in their lives together). They joined their puzzle pieces with the other, “clicking in” on each other’s ring fingers. 

 

Both beamed, eyes locked and never wavering from each other. Lips joined in what Claire thought we be a chaste kiss due to the stranger in front of them but her lips were met the symphony of love, her tone deaf beau had magically composed on her mouth in the moment. Breathless, lost in their own world, the justice of the peace cleared his throat, bringing them back to the public space they were inhabiting. Giggling as the pulled away, the JOP, just smiled at them and said, “I get it, it’s the same with my wife, ye are both very lucky...I now pronounce you husband and wife.” 

 

With that the two of them signed their names to the marriage certificate, it was stamped, sealed and that was that. Married. Frasers, the two of them. 

 

Practically skipping out hand in hand, they were loathe to separate, giddily relishing in their new status as a married couple. One would think that both of them having been married before, the actual act of it would have lost its sparkle, but no, this was different. Everything about them, their courtship, their joining, their commitment, their connection, made this different, as though neither had been married before, or at least not married with their soul rejoining its counterpart. 

 

Jaime, silently high fived himself for his foresight in walking to the ceremony, he knew after the act, becoming Claire’s husband, he wouldn’t want to drive in a separate car from her. They hadn’t stopped touching since they left the washroom. A cosmic glue, held their bodies together at the hands and the heart. 

 

“Well then husband,” Claire said a smile so wide it brought a pleasurable pain to the creases of her mouth, “what should we do now?” 

 

Jaime didn’t say anything and smashed his mouth in hers without warning. Tongues explored the familiar confines of each other’s mouths as though it was for the first time. Each reeling with a combination of utter joy, lust and wonderment, standing in front of the courthouse. No one else existed, they were on their own planet in their own dimension. Only separating when someone started screaming at them to get a room, they knew they needed to get it together enough to head home, to  _ their home _ . 

 

Turning the car on, still connected at the hands, Claire’s eyes brushed over the dashboard and a flash of recognition passed over her face. 

 

“Shite!” she yelped. 

 

“What, what’s wrong leannan?”

 

“We have to make a slight detour before we go home,” Claire said with an apologetic look, her wandering gaze found its way down to his kilt and sporran, like a silent apology to him and his cock. 

 

“Why’s that?”

 

“Geillis called the other day and said she has a box of my things that I forgot and that is has to be picked up today since she is taking on a lodger. I said 2:00 and it’s just near enough that we should do that before we go hold up in the flat for the next 24 -36 hours.” 

 

“I have two questions, why couldna she just bring it over and what is it ye  think is going te happen in the next 24 - 36 hours exactly?” he said with a raised eyebrow and a devilishly lustful look.

 

Claire shrugged, “she insisted, pushed until I agreed, she seemed stressed out about the one box I left. As for the second matter, I’d rather not say what I intend to happen, you’ll just have to wait and find out...but I will say that the washroom incident was not the only creative thing I woke up with in my head today…” she said reaching out to dance her fingers delicately up his knee, dragging his kilt up as her fingers traced high up his thigh, giving his manhood a loving brush. 

 

He yelped at the unexpected touch, a little sore from the force of their earlier exertions. 

 

“Fine, ye ken we’ll have to be quick about it so she doesn’t delay us, I have my own plans for ye...wife,” Jaime said whispering the word for the first as though it was a silent sacred secret that was only for them. 

 

\-------------------------------------------------------

 

Claire knocked loudly on her old flat door, having given her key back to Geillis when she moved out, even though Geillis told her to keep it for emergencies. She knocked again when no one answered and she heard no sounds inside. She was sure Geillis said she would be back at 2 pm. 

 

Finally she heard the near silent footsteps, then she realized what she and Jaime were wearing and that it would most certainly invite questions and delay their journey home. Shite, this was going to take longer than she thought. Jaime was oblivious, holding her other hand standing against the wall next to the door, checking Claire out over and over again as she knocked, licking his lips unconsciously. 

 

Geillis finally opened the door, her eyes immediately took in Claire’s dress, as Claire had suspected she would. Silently Geillis looked at her left hand, and found her intricate thistle puzzle ring now joined with its mate (The Lallybroch ring rested on her right hand, just out of view). 

 

“Claire, look at the state of ye, what the hell is happening?” she almost yelled. 

 

“Um...I’m here for the box remember? You made such a big deal of it the other day,” she said ignoring the real question Geillis was asking. 

 

“Ye ken well, that is not what I am asking,” she said putting her hands frustratedly on her hips. 

 

Jaime, peeled himself off the wall and brought himself into view. 

 

“Christ,” Geillis muttered at the sight of him. She knew she didn’t have to look at his left hand, she knew she would find the same as she found on Claire’s. “Come in you two.” 

 

Stepping into the flat, Claire realized not a single light was on in the place and it made her uneasy. The energy was very strange in the flat and even if she hadn’t noticed it, she could feel that Jaime had. 

 

Geillis flipped on the lights and yelled surprise as their family and friends jumped up and yelled surprise from their hiding spots around the flat. 

 

“Happy Surprise Engagement Party!” Geillis yelled, her voice having a little edge on it, realizing that they had just gotten married and this was going to be extremely uncomfortable for them and was probably not how they wanted people to find out. 

 

Claire and Jaime were frozen. Neither one of them smiled, just inched closer to each other to make sure they could grab each others hands again. Silently communicating with a squeeze that said it’s going to be alright, the best laid plans eh. 

 

Once the surprises died down, everyone took them in, looking them head to toe and it dawned on one guest at time and got awkward for a five second eternity. 

 

Claire surveyed the room, saw Joe and Gail, Murtagh, Jenny and Ian (who she had yet to meet but had seen pictures of), Geillis’ boyfriend Mac, Mary and John who made their rings, Mary her friend from the hospital, children who she assumed were Jenny and Ian’s, Rupert, John and Lamb. Holy shite, Lamb. Claire hadn’t seen him in years since he continued to live abroad (while she was in medical school and residency), letting his work guide him around the world. They kept up in emails but it wasn’t the same as seeing him in the flesh. Before anyone could say anything she ran over to him tackling him with a hug. 

 

“Easy Clairebear, I’m an old man now,” he laughed as he embraced her heartily. 

 

While Lamb and Claire embraced, one Janet Fraser marched up to her brother in a huff. 

 

“James Fraser, correct me if I’m wrong, but this is an engagement party no?” 

 

“Aye, apparently,” he said abdicating responsibility for following where he knew her line of questioning was going. 

 

“Are ye really going to play dumb with me? Yer wearing wedding clothes for goddsake brother, and your curly wig fiance sure looks like she is wearing a wedding dress. Did ye just get married?” 

 

He shifted his weight uncomfortably, then submitted, they couldn’t avoid it, they had to announce it, it was obvious to everyone in the room. “Aye, sister, not an hour ago.” 

 

Jaime expected Jenny to continue to use a sharp tone and lash him with her words, but her entire expression changed at his admission and joy broke out over it. She jumped to hug him. 

 

“Congratulations brother, I am so happy for ye.” Jaime’s shock fell away after a few seconds and he returned the hug. 

 

Jaime, grabbed a whisky from the counter from the rows of it that Geillis had prepared (she must have expected an army from the amount she had poured), and used a knife to clink his glass to get everyone’s attention. They had only been there five minutes but chaos and noise had already overriden the space.

 

“Erhhhmm,” he said clinking again to get everyone’s attention including his new wife who was still in a huddle with Lamb. “Sassenach,” he said reaching out a hand to her, from across the room. She took her cue and walked over an tucked herself into his side. 

 

“As no one in this room is oblivious, I will state the obvious, thank you for coming to this surprise engagement party, which we truly had naught an idea about. Thank ye for being here...Claire and I got married this morning as you can well tell form our attire, and we are happy to be able to announce it here with all of you first. It works out quite well in a way, to tell ye all at once.” 

 

A cheer went up, congratulations were exchanged, warm hugs were exchanged,  it was a beautiful moment in time.

 

Jaime clinked the glass again, drawing the attention back to he and Claire. 

 

“Since ye are all here, we might as well do it here,” he said looking at Claire and giving her an eye. She wasn’t sure to what he was referring. “Claire and I had planned to have Murtagh hand fast us as well in a few days separate from the legal marriage, but here and now seems like just as well of a time to do it. Claire?” 

 

Face slightly flush, she nodded in agreement. A raucous cheer went up across the room and then silence as they all gathered around in a circle. Jaime and Claire stood up in the center of the living room encircled by their family and friends, Jaime reached out to take the ribbon from Claire’s dress and handed it to Murtagh. 

 

With hands joined between them, Murtagh began in both Gaelic and English for the mixed audience. The love, heat and chemistry coursing between them from their locked gaze on each other was palpable through the room. All were silent, even the children, as the ceremony commenced.

 

Taking a ceremonial dirk, that Murtagh had brought out of the family safe when Jaime told him he and Claire wished to be hand fasted, he pierced each of their wrists, placed their pulse points together, and wrapped and tied their hands together. He repeated the vows in Gaelic and English,  Jaime reached over and whispered, “say the words after me…”   
  


_ “Tha thu fuil mo fhuil, agus cnàimh mo chnàimh. _

_ Tha mi a 'toirt dhuibh mo chorp, gum faod sinn dithis a bhith aon. _

_ Tha mi a 'toirt mo spiorad, gus am bi ar beatha air a dhèanamh.” _

 

_ “Ye are blood of my blood, and bone of my bone.  _

_ I give ye my body, that we two might be one.  _

_ I give ye my spirit, ‘til our life shall be done. “  _

 

“Ye may kiss yer bride.” 

 

Hand fasting in front of their family and friends, their life together had truly begun. 

 

**THE END**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N - Scots Gaelic translation is from google, not the books or the show. So if it’s wrong, it’s on you google. :) 
> 
> Thank you all so much for reading. This story has been quite the journey for me. I have loved reading all of your beautiful comments, they mean so much to me. I am also honored you took this exploration into two people with me. I truly had no idea how some of this would be received and I am so happy that people were open to this. 
> 
> Now, not to worry, there will be an epilogue quite soon. 
> 
> The future of this story is uncertain after that. It is possible it could have a second arc, but at this point I am not sure. I'll need some distance from it as it stretched me personally in a lot of ways and took a lot of energy to write. So to be determined on a second arc. 
> 
> Last week I also started something new so keep and eye out for a few chapters of something new this week! 
> 
> Thank you all, what a ride!


	15. Part XV - Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jaime is a yoga teacher, Claire is his student. Jaime has his awkward pants on and continues to put his foot in his mouth around Claire. Claire avoids Jaime…for a while. (Started as a one shot.) 
> 
> Chapter Summary - 
> 
> Here we are at the epilogue. I can't believe it! Hope you like it :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, this has been a hell of a ride! Here is the epilogue. As only my second completed story, I find it very hard to find endings. I am never sure where to end or if there could/ will be another arc. But this is all one big creative experiment for me and I am enjoying every moment of it. 
> 
> Thank you for reading and giving this story a chance. I hope the epilogue works for you. :)

 

_ **Part XV - Epilogue** _

 

**One year later**

 

Jaime sat with a long spine, legs crossed, supported by a blanket, at the back of his main studio. Just out of the way enough that he could be seen but not be a distraction with his large form. His eyes tracked her around the room as she stepped sure footed, confident, words crooning from her lips. The words and breath started at her swollen belly, supported on waddling legs. His wife was a vision at the front of the room, teaching a group of pre-natal students with the poise of a teacher with decades of experience. 

 

\---------------------------------------------------------

 

**Eight-ish months earlier**

 

“Sassenach, are ye alright? Ye look a little pale…” Jaime asked, his voice laced with concern. 

 

Claire shifted her upper body to give his hand a better angle at rubbing her feet, ankles and calves.

 

“I’m fine, just tired, it was a long shift,” she said resting her head back on the arm of the couch, relishing his touch. Lids closed, she was asleep in 5 minutes. 

 

Claire woke up in their bed the next morning, light headed and confused. Jaime had obviously carried her to bed sometime in the night...and changed her into one of his over-sized old worn t-shirts that should have been thrown out years ago, but didn’t because he knew it was her favorite. The thought made her smile.  _ This man. _

 

In a daze, almost awake but not quite, she walked into the kitchen where Jaime was making coffee, chanting his mantra to himself. A string of night shifts were set to start for her that night,  but until then, they had the day together. A day with no plans. 

 

Sipping coffee over the kitchen island, Jaime’s hand traced in hers and played with her fingers. He swore he was listening to her story but he seemed consumed with the lines on her palm. 

 

“So Joe says, LJ, why don’t you get Jaime to run some,” Claire said. 

 

Jaime hearing his name shot his head up, “Sorry sassenach, what did ye say?”

 

“Have you been listening at all?”

 

“I was, ye ken I was, my brain was just consumed by your glowing skin for a breath...start over...please?” 

 

“Joe is getting a lot of questions at the hospital about pre-natal yoga for some reason. You know how he has been transitioning from surgery over to OB/GYN and mentoring the younger Doctors about bedside manner? Well all the Moms and Moms to be, LOVE him. They bend his ear after appointments even when he is just observing a resident. So he said, you should run some pre-natal classes at the studio. He looked and no one else around is running any in the area. It might be a good new niche market for the studio.” 

 

Jaime’s face was blank. Claire wasn’t sure what to make of it, had he zoned out again?

 

“Jaime...earth to Jaime,” she said waving her hand in front of his face. 

 

He grabbed her hand, kissed it and laid it down on the island. He turned towards the stove to start making breakfast. Facing away from her, cracking an egg on the side of the frying pan and opening it with one hand before moving to cut some vegetables, he finally answered her. 

 

“How about we get ye trained to teach it?” 

 

“Why the hell would I do that? I don’t have enough on my plate already? Don’t you have to be a full yoga teacher to teach pre-natal?” 

 

“Och aye, ye do, but I could do it with ye, or supervise. Seems a good place to have a Doctor, ye ken.” 

 

“That doesn’t make any sense. Why would I want to teach a pre-natal yoga class? You have plenty of great teachers, plus I have a job.”

 

Slowly he turned to face her, arms folded across his chest, eyes alight with something she couldn’t identify, mirth maybe. The smell of a mixed and matched, clean out the fridge breakfast wafted across the kitchen and hit her in a wave. Before she knew what was happening, she was wretching over the kitchen bin next to the island. 

 

“Claire? Are ye alright?” He said walking around to rub her back. Standing up, slightly woozy, he brought her back to her stool, gave her a glass of water and held her hands and sat on the stool in front of her. 

 

“Because…,” Jaime said slowly, quietly, eyes locked on hers, “because yer pregnant...that's why ye should teach it.” 

 

“I am not,” she napped back.

 

“Oh aye, I think ye are,” he grinned at her. 

 

“You’re mad...you know it’s not possible,” she spit out, anger rising that he would poke at such a sensitive subject. 

 

“They said, not probable, not not possible, ye ken,” he said squeezing her hands. 

 

“Jaime, I’m not even late,” she said body starting to quake slightly. 

 

“Oh aye ye are, yer a week late,” he said incredulously. Night shifts messed with ability to be track such things at times, and she wasn’t great a tracking her period anyhow, she always seemed surprised when it arrived. 

 

“First, I am not. Second, how would you know?” 

 

“Claire, ye have attacked like a wild animal that hasn’t had a meal in weeks every day this week and then had your way with me...and I keep track,” he said with a smirk and a shrug. 

 

“I’m sorry, you whot?” she shrieked out. 

 

“I keep track, is that no a thing people do?” He asked with sincerity. 

 

“No Jaime, that is not a thing people do…” 

 

“Well it is something  _ I  _  do then…” 

 

She wanted to kiss him furiously but she had just thrown up in the bin. 

 

“I’m sure ye’ll find that I am right...AND ye are glowing, AND ye just threw up at the smell of breakfast, AND I could barely touch your nipples yesterday morning without ye yelping like a dog that got stomped on by a horse.” 

 

At that she snorted, sometimes she forgot he grew up on a farm. 

 

“I’ll admit, the throwing up in the bin thing was weird but I work in a hospital, lots of germs, I might just be sick.” 

 

He smiled at her innocence and brushed a curl away from her jaw that jutted out in momentary stubbornness to tune into the reality of her bodily state. 

 

“Will ye take a test?” 

 

“Fine, but it’s a waste of time.” 

 

“Whatever ye say Sassenach…” he said voice dripping with sarcasm, “drink some water, there are some tests in the washroom draw.” 

 

“You already bought some?!?!?!”

 

“As I said, ye are a week late, ye are never late...I’m proactive ye ken?”

 

“Hmmphh,” she sighed, downed her water, and headed for the loo. She knew he was wrong, and hated that he was getting his hopes up, no matter how endearing it was. Fear coursed through her, though she wasn’t exactly sure why. 

 

Five minutes later, she had peed on six different pregnancy tests (he  _ had  _ been proactive). Jaime sat on the edge of the tub while Claire sat on the closed toilet. They waited, silently, holding hands. 

 

When she had her IUD out a month after their wedding, they had both been tested to see what the likelihood of conceiving was. Improbable was what they said. As a result, they hadn’t bothered with contraception since. They weren’t exactly “trying” but they weren’t not trying either. But if she was pregnant, it would still be a shock to her. In her mind, her experience before meeting Jaime, made her believe she couldn’t conceive, regardless of the medical particulars of it. 

 

The timer on her phone pinged. Her eyes locked with Jaime’s, she went to speak but nothing came out. He took her hands and said, “it’s ok mo graigh, we’ll look together on the count of three.” 

 

“One, two, thr….holy shite!” “Jaime, oh my god, I’m pregnant, Jaime I’m pregnant!” She yelled and started jumping up and down. Jaime tears rolled down his cheeks, picked her up and squeezed the breath out of her. Legs dangling off the floor, he buried his head into her and kissed the back of her neck, held her and cried. Releasing her only when she had to throw up again from the jumping. 

 

Scooping her up, Jaime brought her over to their bed, sat them down on the edge and held her some more. He was inconsolably happy and it made Claire even more excited. She wanted to run screaming around the apartment with joy. 

 

Claire pulled back to look at him, she never wanted to forget the look on his face. Her fingers brushed his tears away, his lips found their joined hands and he kept kissing them over and over again. 

 

“I can’t believe you knew…” she said trailing off. 

 

A broad, smug grin spread out across his face. 

 

“I have a confession...I ken’d  the night it happened.” 

 

“Don’t be ridiculous, you can’t know that.” 

 

“Och aye, I can. I’m me...Ye ken that night Joe and Gail had that fancy dinner party?”

 

“Yes?” 

 

“I wore one of my kilts…” 

 

“Oh YESssssssss…” 

 

“We barely got in the door before ye had me naked?” 

 

“Mmmmm, I remember…” 

 

“Well, then ye’ll ken that the bairn was made with ye bent over the back of our couch with ye screaming at the top of your lungs…” 

 

“You can’t know that.” 

 

“Och I do, I felt it…” 

 

“You are crazy but I love the shit out of you,” she said mounting him on the bed and making quick work of his lounge clothes. The memory of that act, that night, his kilt, aroused in her the uncontrollable primal part of her attraction to Jaime. She was pregnant, she was really pregnant and that fact alone made her ravage him. 

 

\------------------------------------------------------

 

Watching Claire teach had been an unexpected joy. Jaime loved to watch her anytime, but there was something about her being pregnant and teaching. The love warmed him to the back bone every time. 

 

They had taken the pre-natal training together as a couple activity. It was a nice addition to the traditional birthing classes they also took. Once Claire was convinced and Jaime decided to train with her, she really dove in. It appealed to the medical and scientific side of her and the yogic side that had continued to develop the longer she was with Jaime. She excelled almost immediately, and her practice sessions were very popular within their training. Having the medical background (even though it wasn’t strictly speaking her specialty), gave her classes that extra wow factor, which translated into a full house once they started up at the studio. 

 

Jaime was so proud of her and could not wait to be a father to someone who would be half him and half her. It tickled his insides and gave him a dopey smile every time he thought of it. 

 

Six months into the pregnancy, they had started an “expecting couples class” that they co-taught. It was so popular that they considered running two more each week but it wasn’t possible with Claire’s schedule at the hospital. They found that these other couples, who were to be parents for the first time, needed support in non traditional ways and their class was filling that gap for them. It wasn’t just yoga but also discussion and an open sharing that facilitated a vulnerability that made everyone in the class feel seen, including Jaime and Claire. They were buoyed by the fact that their little munchkin would potentially have playmates in some of these other babies yet to be born. A beautiful community was forming for this new stage of their life. 

 

Claire reached down to adjust one of the students, squatting beside her, she moved a block to support her knee when Jaime heard her mutter, “Shite!” Jumping up to go to her in the front row, he approached and saw the precipitating event, water all over the floor. Claire looked up at him, eyes locked as she rose to stand. 

Her eyes held a mix of emotions, fear, anxiety, love, excitement and a dose of “of course my water would break in pre-natal yoga.” 

 

The silent communication between them as they moved into action supported them in being able to slip out without making too much of a fuss. Claire stepped out. Jaime addressed the class, trying to be as calm as possible, but by the end his system was humming. He casually ended the class, moped up and practically ran to the door where Claire was slowly making her way to the car. 

 

Only 10 minutes to the hospital, the ride was a tense hive of activity and chatter, both of them trying to get ahold of themselves. 

 

“Claire, are ye alright, were ye having contractions in class? Is it too early?” Jaime said barely able to take a breath. 

 

“I thought it was braxton hicks again, maybe I was wrong?” 

 

“I canna believe your water just broke in class,” he laughed nervously, “that is going to be the talk of the studio.” 

 

Claire chuckled and then took a sharp intake of breath as she felt a forceful kick and a contraction.

 

Arriving at the hospital, she was whisked away by staff that recognized her. Jaime called Joe while Claire was getting settled in the room, and he just happened to be on the floor in his mentoring capacity. He arrived with Claire’s doctor in tow to check her progress. Though she was in considerable pain, a laugh was had by all including the nurses as Jaime recounted the events of the past hour. 

 

Twenty hours later, Claire was exhausted and the baby had gone into distress. An emergency C section was scheduled. Joe was in the room, Claire’s doctor, the best in the city, performed the procedure, much  to her chagrin. She mumbled something about her birth plan, and then statistics, she was teetering on the edge of coherence. Jaime stepped in, calmed her, and reminded her that the only thing that mattered was the their health, hers and the baby. The baby had to come out. Grounding herself back through Jaime, his touch, his voice, and his eyes, she realized more acutely what was happening and the procedure went forward. 

 

“Dr. Fraser, ye have a healthy boy!” the doctor said excitedly. 

 

Jaime’s lips crashed into her forehead and then her mouth, her face swimming in wetness from his tears as he cried down onto her. Both were sobbing and they hadn’t even held their boy yet. Placing him on her chest, they both cried harder. He was an absolute miracle and he was awash in red whisps just like his Da. 

 

William Brian James Ian Fraser entered the world three years to the day on which Jaime saw Claire for the first time. Their world would never be the same and they couldn’t have been happier for it. Their ginger haired babes, once just a dream, had become a reality. He was the fruit of their love in flesh, blood and bone. Blood of their blood and bone of their bone.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I cannot express my gratitude enough for your participation in this story. Thank you for reading, commenting, kudos, sending me messages on tumblr, DMing me on Tumblr, all of it. You are all incredible and I am overwhelmed with your response to this story considering I know it is not for everyone. 
> 
> Thank you for your kindness and giving me a chance to put something out into the world. I will be forever grateful! 
> 
> (And thank you for suspending disbelief when I went on real world fact safari)


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